[spaypets]

I've done boneheaded things and won't pass judgement on someone clueing out. And, as far as the father in the original story taking the train instead of calling, I can only say that in a panic, I'd probably not think to call. Also, he might not have a cell phone. Not all of us carry one and furthermore my cell phone never works when I really need it to.

Obviously, though, these children are way more quiet than my daughter (although she was a toddler when she came home, so that's the difference). I also keep my lunch/purse in the back seat, so would notice if my kid was there.

[celebratewewill]

Originally Posted by FH-angelkisses0102

My tone would not be different...there was a local dentist who was taking his son to work with him...the boy was an older toddler and fell asleep in the car. Dad never took him to work..so Dad gets to work, leaves sleeping son in car and a few hours later...realizes what happened. I never once condemned dad as this happened when we were in the midst of severe sleep deprivation and attachment disorder. I know that he didn't do 'it' on purpose...he was not a bad dad...he just made a dad decision. His son died peacefully...this man is in living hell...he is unable to work...even. His life is a mess.

I can still see the pictures of this man giving CPR to his son on the ground and then collapsing. He knew before he got to the car...

omygod, karen, this brought massive tears on! i am a pediatric nurse living in florida too, so in addition to the babies left in cars dying, we also see too many drownings or even worse (imo), near drownings where the child suffered so much brain damage, but not enough to die...their children will never be the same, never smile, never laugh, never interact again...but alive so the parents can constantly see the results of their mistake. i will NEVER pass judgement on someone like that. i have come to find that nearly ALL parents love their children and would NEVER knowingly put their child in harms way. and if you think that "community service" and counseling will teach this father to never do it again, then you are kidding yourself....the guilt alone will do that. that father will torture himself longer than any "punishment" could. i too would not change my tone if this child had died...i would feel tremendous sadness for that family. life is hard enough, why pass judgement on others when hyou have never walked in their shoes?

darnit, i said i woujld leave this alone!

[Jensboys]

You know I dont own a cell phone and probably woudn't think to stop and run to a pay phone to call 911 --- all I would be thinking is that I wanted to get back to my baby as soon as I could. That would be my sole focus. I have learned, through all these years of parenting, that sometimes, when in a panic, you arent as rational as you would be other times. I no longer can predict how I would react in a specific situation, because I have learned, that when it comes to my babies, I am blind to much else.

Jen

[debbys]

MommyBear, This is completely off subject but last August I was visiting relatives in Carrol county w/ two preteen nephews and we drove all over the place trying to find Shady Grove (we were going to DC). We got lost (it was the first time I was the driver on a trip to MD). We ended up finding the Rockvile Metro station instead. When we returned to the car I didn't know how to find the 97 so after getting lost we pulled into a church parking lot to call my mother in California for directions back to Sykesville. The church turned out to be the one we went to as little kids! St.Mary's. We got out and I showed my nephews the inside of the church and F. Scott Fitzgerald's and Zelda's graves outside the church. It was so funny because if the church was my actual destination I probably wouldn't have been able to find it. She laughed and said we just needed to drive around the corner. Sorry this was off subject but story reminded me of good memories.
...waiting and waiting to be matched w/ twin girls.
Debby

[angelkisses0102]

Originally Posted by celebratewewill

omygod, karen, this brought massive tears on! i am a pediatric nurse living in florida too, so in addition to the babies left in cars dying, we also see too many drownings or even worse (imo), near drownings where the child suffered so much brain damage, but not enough to die...their children will never be the same, never smile, never laugh, never interact again...but alive so the parents can constantly see the results of their mistake. i will NEVER pass judgement on someone like that. i have come to find that nearly ALL parents love their children and would NEVER knowingly put their child in harms way. and if you think that "community service" and counseling will teach this father to never do it again, then you are kidding yourself....the guilt alone will do that. that father will torture himself longer than any "punishment" could. i too would not change my tone if this child had died...i would feel tremendous sadness for that family. life is hard enough, why pass judgement on others when hyou have never walked in their shoes?

darnit, i said i woujld leave this alone!

Not to hijack this thread but...

I also have one of the near drownings imbedded in my mind...again local folks, live about 5 minutes from my house...very smart, rational, professional, loving people having a party at their home with I believe 30 or more adults...little boy about 2...nearly drowned. Mom thought Dad had him...Dad thought Mom had him...no one saw him slip in.

The worst thing is that he is in a vegatative state and Dad (who can afford it) has tried everything....everything. He is never going to get better...and they see it daily....hourly...every single minute, second. Heartbreaking.
Karen

[MommyBear]

debbys - I'm not surprised you got lost - Shady Grove Metro is SOOOOO easy to miss. It took my husband forever to get there without getting lost! Glad I brought up some fun memories though!!!

[MommyBear]

Since we're telling sad stories, my mom told me one that still makes me tear up - apparently, a grandmother (relatively new to this country and who did NOT speak or read English) ended up having to take custody of her infant grandchild. She would buy concentrated formula and she thought that she would treat her grandchild well and NOT water down the drink. She thought she was lavishing special care on the baby - but shortly the baby died from dehydration, because it desparately needed that formula to be watered down to provide hydration. Ugh. How sad.

[eyejustam]

I try to not say "never". My daughter takes my grandson to daycare everyday and usually picks him up except on Mondays when she has to work late. I pick him up on Mondays. I wrote myself a note and stick it on my computer on Monday mornings to remind me to get him, I take it to my truck during lunch and taped it to the stearing wheel so that when I get off of work I see it and go across the street and pick him up at daycare. Just until I got used to picking him up. Now it is routine. Before it wasn't. And I have Fibromyalgia and am often sleep deprived. When my son-in-law takes him (which is VERY rare) I always call the daycare 15 minutes after the time he should have dropped him off and check to make sure he has. Not because my son-in-law is forgetful or incompetent, but because it is out of the "normal" routine. Most people operate by rote, especially in the morning. The last time I said I would never be able to do something, I had to eat those words. My son died at the age of 9.5 months. I said I would never be able to take that again as long as I lived. 9 months later my 4 month old son died. Be careful before you say "never".

[Jensboys]

Susan

I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am that a mother would ever have to face losses such as that. I cannot begin to fathom your pain, but thank you for sharing your story with us.

Jennifer

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by redribbonrose

Tina,

Come to my town and watch the evening news and listen the the police and reporters talk about how parents cooked their kids in the car. I don't think compasion is called for in a case of someone forgetting their child in a car, realizing he forgot her and instead of calling 911 taking a train ride back to where he left her. I have no compassion for the father only for the child.

Having a child wander away from you is completely different. That's part of having kids, the are small and move quick and boom they are out of your site. But leaving one in a car...give me a break. If he is so sleep deprived how did he remember to get on the right train.

You know I guess for some it's so much easier to judge than find some sort of compassion inside themselves.

[redhedded]

Oh, just so so sad. I am surprised at those who are so judgmental. When I was living in Vegas several years ago a very very popular high school coach accidentally forgot his babe in the car in the morning, as it was out of the normal routine for him to take the baby to daycare because he usually arrived at school so early; that baby died. I cannot, with everything in me, begin to imagine how he felt.

I later heard a woman in public giving her opinion about what the consequence should be for him. There is not a single consequence that could ever compare with the way, I suspect, he would torture himself for the rest of his life, with questions, like what if, maybe, oh how could I. What amazes my really, is the human spirit, the ability to go on, to get up everyday, after losing a child, for any reason.

[spaypets]

Originally Posted by FH-redhedded

What amazes my really, is the human spirit, the ability to go on, to get up everyday, after losing a child, for any reason.

Ditto. Honestly, to know that I was to blame for extinguishing that light in any way would be unbearable.

Part of my job has to do with health care and of course there's enormous discussion about preventing medical errors. The fact is people are imperfect and will make mistakes. Systems have to be in place to prevent those mistakes and stop the mistakes before they reach the patient. That's why a system needs checks, even if it is part of a routine.

Every day I take my lunch with me to work. But some days, I forget to take it out of the car. Even though every day I open the back door to get it.

And when a routine is disturbed mistakes also happen. On my way to work, there's a bridge that's closed. There's a sign saying the bridge is closed. I remind myself the bridge is closed and wouldn't you know I still have missed the turn to detour to another bridge.

Not as huge as forgetting a child, granted, but the same sort of brain freeze.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by spaypets

Part of my job has to do with health care and of course there's enormous discussion about preventing medical errors. The fact is people are imperfect and will make mistakes. Systems have to be in place to prevent those mistakes and stop the mistakes before they reach the patient. That's why a system needs checks, even if it is part of a routine.
.

Everytime I leave work from my shift, I thank God that I didn't make a mistake that cost someone their life. We are all human and mistakes are part of human error. We have student nurses learning on our unit right now, it's amazing to see the fear and respect they have for giving high doses of narcotics for example and the checks and rechecks they do before giving so. Unfortunately when you get "experienced" you are much more laxed in the rechecking, etc and your fear has diminished. Frankly I wish I could have that fear put back in me. Does that make sense?

[redhedded]

You know, Tara, I am a record keeper (on a very specific form that came in the hospital diaper bag that the hospital gave us when dd was born 3.5 years ago; it is a long, two sided, fairly narrow breastfeeding record). I write down everything, time, poop/pee and liquid/food intake for my kids. I don't do it for my daughter anymore but never missed a day. For ds, because he took propanolol every 6 hours and still takes every 12 hours, I will do it as long as he takes medication, no matter how old he is.

I load the syringe and set it out almost always 1 hour before giving. I double check several times to make sure the dose is right then give. I immediately write down the time and dose. I am a conscientious Type A personality, not forgetful, but would be prone to second guess myself, did I give it, for sure. I know that feeling.

Because of dd's extremely high fevers and the need to give Motrin/Tylenol alternating every three hours during the duration of any illness, I write down every dose and time, immediately. I cannot imagine trying to safely medicate without keeping a record. I would most definitely make mistakes.

I admire more than you know those who have to do it everyday in a professional setting.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by FH-redhedded

I load the syringe and set it out almost always 1 hour before giving. I double check several times to make sure the dose is right then give. I immediately write down the time and dose. I am a conscientious Type A personality, not forgetful, but would be prone to second guess myself, did I give it, for sure. I know that feeling.

You know it's a scary feeling isn't it? But at the same time good because you know that you did double check it and sometimes triple check so it is right. I am very conscientious and not overly forgetful, but I still have gotten lax with some things with the more experience I get.

Last year we had a very public death at our hospital caused by a nurse giving the wrong narcotic to a patient in the emergency room. This nurse was very very experienced. It was interesting to see and hear some of her colleagues and the community degrade and judge this nurse questioning how she could make such a mistake. I know she was judging herself even more and even though she could return to work she has chosen not to. If I were in her shoes I don't know if I could ever trust myself again...what guilt she must have. It's so easy to make a mistake and thankfully we have extra safety measures in place now so that others will not have to learn the same lesson she did.