[AdrienneG]

Starting Over is a t.v. show where real people meet at a house to receive counseling and life skills training to work through their own personal issues that are holding them back in life.

Cassie is a woman who was on a previous season who returned. Cassie gave up a child for adoption when she was a young woman and now wants to make contact with her 18 year old son that she placed for adoption

The disturbing part is the counselors at Starting Over informed her that legally they cannot contact the son or the son's adoptive mother to let them know of Cassie's continuing interest in him knowing about her, that she exists.

Of course it was a closed adoption...the disturbing part is that the adoptive mother is the one who took legal recourse so that Cassie could not reach her son.

How is that possible if the son is legally an adult at 18???

Its already bad enough that he doesn't know he is adopted and that his birth mother wants to meet him or at least him know of her existence.

[Sleeplvr]

I catch that every now and then and really don't understand what's going on in her situation. I have a semi open adoption and we are not supposed to know bmom's last name, only her first name. Bmom doesn't know our last name. So if Cassie had a closed adoption doesn't that mean she doesn't know anything about the adoptive family?

If she does have the family name and he is 18 I don't think there is anything the afamily can do to stop her from contacting him. It doesn't make any sense.

[JLyle]

I haven't seen the show so forgive me if this is a dumb question. Are you saying that somehow, the counselors at "Starting Over" have discovered the names of the adoptive parents? Perhaps through a private detective or something?

It makes sense to me that if was a closed adoption, the agency is legally bound not to divulge the names of the adoptive parents, regardless of how old the child is now. The agency can presumably contact the adoptive parents on Cassie's behalf and see if they're open to the idea of, um, more openness; but if the APs selfishly stick to the original agreement, that's that.

But it seems to me that if Cassie (or some other party, like a "Starting Over" counselor) has somehow figured out where that family lives without the agency's help, there's nothing illegal about them making contact. Unless, you know, the adoptive mother has put out a restraining order or something against her.

Anyways... what network is the show on? Sounds like something that would be interesting to see.

[lahdh4]

In my area it is on ABC.

The first time Cassie was on the show through a private detective agency they found the information about where they live. Cassie met with the adad's ex-2nd wife and she gave Cassie some pictures. They tried to talk to the amom and she went and wrote up a letter suppossedly with the son's signature, notorized saying that if Cassie attempted to contact them again they would get a restraining order. But Cassie found out that the sons' signature didn't match other paperwork she was able to get her hands on.

Watched alot of it when I was out last year. Catch it once in awhile now.

[AdrienneG]

Originally Posted by JLyle

I haven't seen the show so forgive me if this is a dumb question. Are you saying that somehow, the counselors at "Starting Over" have discovered the names of the adoptive parents? Perhaps through a private detective or something?

It makes sense to me that if was a closed adoption, the agency is legally bound not to divulge the names of the adoptive parents, regardless of how old the child is now. The agency can presumably contact the adoptive parents on Cassie's behalf and see if they're open to the idea of, um, more openness; but if the APs selfishly stick to the original agreement, that's that.

But it seems to me that if Cassie (or some other party, like a "Starting Over" counselor) has somehow figured out where that family lives without the agency's help, there's nothing illegal about them making contact. Unless, you know, the adoptive mother has put out a restraining order or something against her.

Anyways... what network is the show on? Sounds like something that would be interesting to see.

The agency has no part in it.

Cassie and Starting Over used a private detective...and Cassie spoke to the son's stepmother and also found out the son battled drug addiction (just like Cassie did, as a recovered addict)

Cassie is back in the new season and the life coach Rhonda (for Starting Over) informed her that legally they cannot contact the son, because the adoptive mother took legal action to keep them from doing so.

The son apparently doesn't even know he is adopted or that Cassie exists. . . and he is 18 years old.

[JLyle]

Originally Posted by AdrienneG

The agency has no part in it... Cassie and Starting Over used a private detective... the life coach Rhonda (for Starting Over) informed her that legally they cannot contact the son, because the adoptive mother took legal action to keep them from doing so.

The son apparently doesn't even know he is adopted or that Cassie exists. . . and he is 18 years old.

Thanks AdrienneG and lahdh4, I think I get it now. I am not a lawyer, but it does sound fishy that she is legally prohibited from making contact with the son, who is now an adult.

[AMom2Two]

Originally Posted by AdrienneG

The son apparently doesn't even know he is adopted or that Cassie exists. . . and he is 18 years old.

I watch this show.

I believe the statement Cassie received was signed and notorized by her birth son.

Do you remember Cassie questioning why the notary seal is on two pages and they had an expert come in and talk about how the seal is on both pages, half on one the other half on the page two? She questioned if this was real, and the nortory said he believed it was.

I believe the step-mother is just acting on behalf of what the son wants. .

Cassie, obviously, has some emotional problems she needs to deal with first. I don't get a good feeling from her yet.

[irish11970]

Is it possible the law in that particular state is no info or contact until 21? I think Mass. and NY have similar laws. Only if Aparents okay it can the adoptee get the information and then the Bparents have to have a consent to release info on file. This is what I was told as a bparent in a closed adoption that was interstate between NY and Mass.
Just a thought.
Jenn

[Sleeplvr]

Some addictions are genetically predisposed. Don't you think it would benefit Cassies son to connect with her since she is in recovery? It might help him on the road to recovery. I just find it a little suspicious that he is letting his amom handle it when he is 18. I can understand him not wanting all his business on TV. If he didn't send that letter the show would probably keep contacting him.

[taramayrn]

Supposedly the boy wrote this letter which was signed by a notary saying he didn't want to be contacted and if he was contacted by Cassie, Starting over, etc. that they would persue legal action. I think it's a bunch of whooie, but I can see where Rhonda was coming from.

[mamabee]

I haven't caught the show so excuse me if this is a dumb question but did the step Mom acknowledge the son does "not" know he is adopted? And since the stepMom was willing to participate in the show, maybe she could convince ex to tell son or at least get him a letter from the bMom? Since the stepmom is not legally bound to abide by the wishes of the amom...

[MollyinSD]

I have watched the show for several years. Cassie was on a previous starting over. They contacted the adoptive mother and the adoptive mother sent a notarized note saying that they wanted no contact with her etc and had the son sign it. They threatened to take legal action if she continued on this path.

Because of some documents Cassie signed when she originally placed the child, not understanding, they have some type of case for it I suppose.

When they knew Cassie then, she was a drunk and homeless and such. The adoptive mother is a real piece of work and is just awful. She has since divorced the adoptive father and remarried like 4 or 5 times.

The son has issues with alcohol and she totally blames Cassie. She is just a mean woman and Cassie is uncertain if her son even really knows he is adopted because unlike what they told her originally, they never felt the need to tell him. They then said how he was going through all these problems and even the boy's counselor said it was not a good idea to tell him right now that he was adopted.

Just a bad situation all around.

The step-mom, who married the adoptive dad for a short while came and gave her pictures and did the best she could to fill in some holes, but not many.

[Bassette]

I am confused about the notarized letter. If the boy does not know he is adopted why would he sign a letter stating that he wants no communication from his birtmother?

[taramayrn]

Well that whole issue stems from the fact that Cassie thought the letter was a fake and therefore didn't know if he knew he was adopted, but the adoption attorney she met with says she feels it might be real.

[MollyinSD]

The letter was 2 pages and his signature only was on the second page.

Cassie felt that he could have signed the 2nd page without really knowing about the cover letter.

The attorney or whatever felt that they were signed together because of a stamp/seal that half was on the top page and half on the second page.

Cassie also has questioned it it really is his singature.

I think what made it seem more odd is that the step-mom ran into him at his job recently and he didn't mention anything about all of this, Cassie trying to contact him and such and so even the step-mom is skeptical if he truly knows.

I am hoping the papers she filled out for the state of Oregon to unite them works out for her.