[NaomiNJaysmom]

I just received a call from my CW today. I was thinking she was calling about the court date for our adoption but instead she asks if I am sitting down. Then proceeds to tell me that Mase's bparents are back in town and pregnant. They thought it would be really nice if the new baby could be with his/her Biological brother.

I have no idea what to do. Mase was #4 for us and I was sure we were done. My biggest fear is what about other babies will they continue to call us? I cant have kids hanging out my windows like the old woman in the shoe! LOL

Have any of you ever been in this situation and if so what did you do and why?

[BeckyS]

N&J's Mom, I had a recent post on this topic & got some very heartfelt replies (as well as some very compassionate pm's). I don't know how to post the link but if interested, you could name search to find my post.

[cynthia900]

Hi,

I received the same request recently. I was thrilled because I do want to add to my family so it was an easy decision for me. However, I found out last week there are complications with the pregnancy so it might not be as straightforward a decision as before. I am a single mom to 2 and my oldest has some special needs already. I had to think long and hard. For me, it finally came down to this - how would I feel telling my daughter that I turned down the opportunity to parent her sibling and then add another child to our family. I have decided that I will move forward with this adoption. But I will add that if I did not feel able to be a great parent to the two children that I have now and the new baby, that I would definitely turn down this opportunity. I can't imagine that the birthparents want to negatively impact the child that they have already placed. What we owe the birthparents, in my opinion, is to be the kind of parents to their children that we promised and only you know if adopting this new baby will allow you to do that or not.

I would not think about future siblings - deal with that if and when you need to. Make your decision about this baby and what is right for your family.

Good luck - it is a hard one.

[NaomiNJaysmom]

Becky I went thru all of your posts and didnt see it. please give me title so I can look again
Thanks
Amy

[BeckyS]

sorry, I wish I knew how to post the link. It was dated 2/17 & titled, saying no to a half sibling.

I guess from that, you can figure out that we declined.
Ultimately, it came down to whether we should adopt simply because of the biological connection. We decided that would not be the best reason to add to our family.

[tomandcate]

Amy - here is the link to the previous thread:
Saying no to a half sibling

[joskids]

If you have made the decision that 4 children is enough, there's probably a good reason you came to that decision. (My husband calls it "quality of life"). Is it possible that the agency could place the new baby in a family locally so that you could keep some openness between siblings? Don't feel obligated to take another child. Only do it if your family decides it is right for all of you. And best wishes. I'm sure this is a difficult decision.

[KristineM]

I understand your concern, but I would not get so upset about being offered another opportunity to adopt. Especially since so many couples are longing to adopt their first baby. Maybe you could tell them that you truly are happy they thought of you, but could they possibly try to place the baby with a couple that is still longing to adopt.

[lisa in venice]

We agreed to b e done with four andm it was about "quality of life" issues. I even signed a very funny contract that my dh came up with. The only "out" was if one of our sibling's kids neededa place OR if one of our kid's siblings needed one. I honestly don't know how we would do it. It might possibly mean moving and dh changing jobs (to enable us to move someplace cheaper) but that is what we would have to do. That does not mean that everyone will come to the same conclusion.

lisa

[billysmommy]

We were offered the opportunity to adopt our ason's biological sister three years after our son. We did, and could not imagine it any other way. It's a tough decision, and one that only YOU can make - it has to be what is best for your family, it can't be made out of obligation. But I too, have wondered the very same thing.........."what if there is a "next time"??

"I would not think about future siblings - deal with that if and when you need to. Make your decision about this baby and what is right for your family. "

Great advice there!!!

[NaomiNJaysmom]

Thank you all for your support. I know that this decision will be difficult and not come quickly. In my heart I am saying yes. My Empty pockets from adopting less than a year ago are screaming no. It is not that I cant support another child and I would be thrilled to parent another child. It is the up front costs of adoption that are my worry. DH and I are going to sit down with the CW and see what we can come up with. Maybe a two for one deal! LOL! I will continue to pray and I know that the Lord will lead us to the path he has chosen for our family. No matter what the outcome is.
Many thanks to all of you.
Amy

[traceyk]

Amy, I think this is a good opportunity. I would love for Drihan to have a half bio sibling and would jump at the chance. But that is me, you have to make the best decision for yourself. Isn't it funny, you wait what seems like eternity to be matched and now they are coming out your ears *LOL*

[Bellemom]

We went through this recently, too. It was a hard decision, but we said yes and now have three in diapers! We have two year old twins we adopted last year and their baby sister is only 20 months younger. Is it hard, yes! Was it worth it for us, yes! But, we adopted through foster care, so the adoption expense issue was out of the equation. But, if another comes along, I don't know what we'd do.... Hubby says no way to a fourth..... Good luck with your decision. It one only your family can make. We know what you're going through, though! It's not easy!!!

[blessedbybug]

I am sure this is a tough decision, esp when you thought your family was complete (although looking at your siggy are you sure? LOL! This might be the "more" you are talking about!) at four kids. I probably don't have the same perspective because I am only parenting one right now, but had hoped to have 5-6 kids by this time, well, I think you could guess my answer!

Go with your heart... for me it would be a wonderful opportunity.