[Hollygirl]

I just need your opinions. What would you do?

A friend of mine just e-mailed me a little while ago. Someone she works with told her about a little girl whose parents don't want her anymore. She said it is a weird situation because the girl is almost 13 years old. I asked my friend to get more info while I try to figure out how I feel about this. Wow, this is a hard one. I am only 24. I can't even talk to my husband about this one because he is out of town.

I don't want anyone to tell me what to do. I just want opinions.

[LouiseT]

Sounds like you need to get a lot more info before even coming close to a decision. Why don't her parents want her anymore?
I think you also need to wait until your husband is back in town so you can seriously discuss this with him.

[SydneyRN]

I would definitely want more information also. Age was something that my husband and I talked about when we were considering adopting out of the foster system. I wanted at least 18 years between my age and the child's age. But, if it had been a relative adoption we might have discussed other things. For example (extreme example), my brother and I are 10 years apart. From the time that I turned 18 it was always understood and in my parents' wills that if something happened to them that I would be his guardian. He's now over 18 so it's no longer an issue but it was something I considered.

Good luck!

[Lorraine123]

You need many more details. You need to find out what types of mental health issues the child has and whether they are things you can deal with. You also need to find out why the parents don't want to parent her anymore. Then you and your husband need to come to a joint decision. Good luck to you and keep us posted.

[Hollygirl]

My immediate response is "no". Maybe I don't even want to know more info. I wish my husband was home. He will only be in on the weekends for the next 7 months.

We have also been told about a 6 month old baby girl who is in a bad situation.

[wannabamom]

Well, this is a hard one, but it's what's most important to you that counts. DH and I want an infant-toddler, have always wanted the "baby" experience so, I'm going to wait until they find that match for us. And you have two very different options here- an 18 years old and a 6month old-Wow!!!!!- that's hard!!!!! because this is a lot of age difference- and you're only 24!!!!!!! I too have considered an older child before but I don't really think I'm capable of it even now!!!!!! So, I guess you and DH have to discuss it, and look into both the prospects - of both referrals, and then decide!!!!!- I know how hard it is if DH comes home only on weekends, bcos my DH too used to do that and I had a M/C after trying so many years and it was just dreadful!!!!!
Well, I wish you all the best and hope you get your child soon!!!!!

[aMarylandfamily]

the need to get more information ... especially why the parents "don't want her" and what has been done to resolve the issues causing that ... that makes a big difference in any other living situation she could be placed in - temporary or permanent!

Remember that many parents and teens experience this conflict ... I can't imagine a week without at least one "I hate you", "You are Mean", "You are Unfair" ... and can honestly say that although being an adult and not being able to voice it (I guess because as adults we are to be mature) there isn't too many weeks that pass by without the feeling "I hate you" being returned ... for the chaos and disruption any and most teens add to their homes ... so this could just be a storm and once it passes you could be the one with the broken heart or feelings.

And I wouldn't wait too long without consulting dh by phone - as to whether or not he would even consider it depending on the situation - an outright and quick NO would say it all for me/us.

Hope this helps.

[mj77]

Don't make any rush decisions. Do not even attempt an adoption like this if both you and your dh aren't 100% on board. I personally don't agree with adoptions of this close in age unless you already have a relationship with the child. I think there is too much potential for problems and ,"feelings" that might not be appropriate. JMHO.

[Hollygirl]

Thank you all very much for your thoughts. I am deciding on "no" for the 13 year old.

Thanks for listening.