[numbr1dbcksfan]

Does that vary by state do you think? How is your state on that?

Here the support case doesnt establish visitation he has to file for that... but it is enforcable.. BUT same as with support a visitation schedule doesnt mean there is a support order (hence them being separate issues). Some couple agree to do support out of court...

[MkMw]

In other words... she is trying to hurt or control by with holding visitation... that is hurting the child... if you withhold the payment, it is ALSO hurting the child... obviously HER thoughts are not of the childs best interest.. but that doesnt mean yours shouldnt be. Why should the child be hurt by both parents? Someone has to be the grown up -- it CAN be you...

Yes. I agree. Totally. It's hard to take the high road, especially when you know it won't directly impact your situation. But might help your children or grandchildren/


Number1 - He (my bro) DID have the plan in place before he moved back (to Alaska). He wouldn't have goe without it. He knew what the "rules" were, he's not complaining - neither am I. He didn't sell his house for a year "just in case". They are currently both struggling and honestly, if they had stayed in Alaska and divorced instead of moving back to AZ and getting divorced, they would both be in a much, much better position financially. But, she wouldn't have been able to move the kids out of Alaska without the court's permission. She has no family there either - her parents live in PA and FL. But they didn't and it is what it is. *shrugs*. And, moving back to AK was really in everyone's best interest he was working in CA on his non-custodial week, and making less money. They have a "less than civil" divorce, which I think is tragic for the kids, and the reduced contact between the 2 of them is a good thing. He is trying to get custody (and has a good chance of it) but even if he does he will still be paying child support in nearly the same amount he is know so that she can maintain a home that they can visit. There is a LOT to this story...as there are to most. But I think I'm at the end of my comfort level sharing - KWIM? And, yes, they fly out of Tucson - even Alaska Airlines (if this is TOS vio I'm sorry) but it's cheaper and usually faster to fly in and out of Phoenix. He (the bro again) stays overnight in Tucson with a friend.

Michelle - I agree. Men should not be allowed to "opt out"of their financial obligation - I'll even go further and say that a non-custodial parent shouldn't be allowed too. Sometimes men do get custody and women pay (rare, yes, but it happens). And I think the court should better help when visits are made difficult by the non-custodial parent. But on the other - our court are SLAMMED with cases.

hmmmm.... Maybe I should have become a lawyer.... nah.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Absolutely.. wasnt pushing (at all) just chatting..

[michellemartin]

Christine, in WI it's "enforceable" in the sence that we have a written agreement. BUT if I chose to not follow that agreement, and withheld visits with Karma and her dad, there would be no punishment for me doing so. To get visits resumed her dad would have to go back to court, probably get a lawyer, fight me for it, and then even after that there is nothing the court does to make sure I bring Karma to him for a visit or make sure she's home for him to pick up for a visit.

I'm not supposed to move more than 50 miles away from her dad either, but if I did, there is no punishment for that either (and that I did check on when I was looking into colleges).

Just looked it up for WI and there are absolutely no fines or jail time or punishment for me not complying. The explanation of what happens if a parent doesnt comply is that it would be "embarassing" for the parent refusing to allow visits. I dont see embarassing as much of a punishment, and I dont think many people would be embarassed by a visitation battle.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

See here.. the dad can just keep a certified copy of the order and the sheriff will enforce it... (not all of them know that though). Cant be a copy though.. has to be a sealed copy.

He can take her to court, too. The judges DO come down hard on moms.... they will give the dad MORE visitation. WEll depending on the circumstance of course....

[jvc6477]

Maybe I should tell you that in my case my 8 yo daughter has seen me so few times since her first birthday that she has asked who I am and why do I have to go with him every time I have gotten a visit. Realistically there is no father daughter relationship to speak of, and it is because of ex's meanness. She is remarried and if my $300 a month stops coming they would not even notice. The man she married assumed my role as parent in every way except financially. And he has been an active participant in keeping me from my daughter.

I say that if they don't want me involved OK but if you want me gone it is all or nothing. I want to be involved it hurts me to not have the opportunity to know my daughter but the damage has already been done. They want their cake and eat it to and pay for it with my money. the support thing for me is more than just a black and white issue, there are many shades of grey mixed in. The current rules and attitudes simply ignore the possibility that grey exists. And that in some situations opting out would not be detrimental.