[sugarbabysmommy]

Also discussed at the conference was a paper by Deborah Silverstein and Sharon Kaplan entitled "Lifelong issues in Adoption." Here is a very short excerpt, the list of "issues" and a list of exercises to help triad members explore them in themselves.

"Adoption triggers seven lifelong or core issues for all triad members, regardless of the circumstances of the adoption or the characteristics of the participants.

1. Loss
2. Rejection
3. Guilt and Shame
4. Grief
5. Identity
6. Intimacy
7. Mastery/control

... The following tasks and questions will help triad members and professionals explore the seven core issues in adoption:
- List the losses, large and small, that you have experienced in adoption.
- Indentify the feelings associated with these losses.
- What experiences in adoption have led to rejection?
- Do you ever see yourself rejecting others before they can reject you? When?
- What guilt or shame do you feel about adoption?
- What feelings do you experience when you talk about adoption?
- Identify your behaviors at each of the five stages of the grief process. Have you accepted your losses?
- How has adoption impacted your sense of who you are?"

[LouiseT]

I am curious:
Did the speakers at this conference state that ALL members of the triad experience ALL of these issues, or only some?

(I'm personally hoping it is the latter, because to make such a broad statement about everyone in any group doesn't sit well with me )

[sugarbabysmommy]

I found the paper online , and since it's on an affiliated site with adoption.com I fugure it's ok to post the link. Rather than my posting more snipets fo the paper (and possibly butchering it's message) I encourage everyone to read it.

http://www.adopting.org/silveroze/ht..._adoption.html

[LouiseT]

I took a peek. I couldn't get past the first couple of sections. To say I disagree would be an understatement.
But I thank you for the link anyway.

[crick]

Of course the "experts" would know what, why, who, where of everyone and everything. They state it so it must be fact, right?

I found it really interesting that the first 1/2 of the article states everything as fact for everyone, generalizing as a "this is what it is" and in the 2nd half, you start to see "some, many, could be" etc.

I agree with a few points. Adoption stems from loss. That's true. I agree that there can be grief. I also agree that the list of 7 things can be applied. Then again...the 7 things can be applied to just about anything. None of those things are limited to adoption. It's called life.

I don't agree at all with the adoptive parents section on infertility. Not all aparents are infertile. Not all who experience infertility have grief etc. Again...it's the generalizations these authors put forth as fact when it's really their opinion. Everyone has one...doesn't make it fact for everyone.

[sadiegirl]

I can't get past that this article appears to be from 1982! I think a lot has changed in adoption (specifically more acceptance of open adoption) since then. I would've liked to have seen a more updated study...

[sugarbabysmommy]

Personally, as part of an open adoption, this still felt relevent to me. I can see myself in these seven issues and it seemed imporant to put them out there for another ap lurking out there whose like me.

[Marimar]

I dont usually like generalisations eighter. But why dont you ask yourself the seven questions that the research suggest?

Wait in seilence for a while and then right whatever comes up. You can be surprised. If still none of them can be applied to you you can move forward.