[tjb52]

I have a question for all those moms out there. We have a 4 year old son and are going to be adopting a newborn (Just starting our homestudy). Right now I work full time, but was part time for the first 3 years with my little boy. My husband has a job that gives him 2-3 weekdays off every week so our son is only at the babysitters about half time, and it would be the same with the new baby. I am wondering what you all think of working full time with a new baby (I would take 4-5 months off when we bring the baby home) I could go back to part time but it would mean changing employers again and things would be very tight financially. I have had someone tell me it is irresponsible for us to adopt knowing that the baby will be with a babysitter 2-3 days a week, and of course I have hear the other side of it that it is fine for moms to work full time. I have been struggling with this decision for awhile now and wanted to get some advice. I am open to hear any and all advice on this, I know a lot of people have strong opinions so please be honest with me.
Thanks,
Julie

[redribbonrose]

Every family has to think about what works best for them. But for me, I would give up nearly everything I own in order to stay home full time. Easy for me to say because I don't have to give up much to stay at home full time. I quit my job when we were matched with the last child (it fell through). But I don't regret for one moment quitting my job or having to make changes in order for us to be able have me full-time at home.

[redru2004]

Julie,

I think you need to do what YOU believe is right for your family. People are always going to have opinions, but I believe unless they are living your life they don't have a right to tell you what you're doing is right or wrong. There are two sides to every coin, and it's wonderful that your husband is home a couple of days a week to be with your children. Personally I don't believe a few days a week in daycare is bad for children at all, socialization is an important thing, and there are many mothers out there that put their children in daycare every day, they're not bad mothers, they're not irresponsible and their children certainly aren't suffering. If you enjoy your work, and your income allows you to do more things for/with your family then by all means continue. Personally, once I got my child home (we're adopting an infant as well) I don't want to leave them so I've choosen to stay home, BUT you need to understand that my current job certainly isn't my dream job, and I was ready to leave before we even started the adoption process, combine that with the fact that my husband's makes enough for us to live comfortably and it made my decision easy. Follow your heart and tune out the negatives anyone may have to say about your situation!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Julie, is your Husband a firefighter like mine? I started back part-time and am going to full-time in the near future. We only need a babysitter one to do days per week.

Every family is different. This works for us. It doesn't for others. No family is more or less because of a parents' working status. It's the quality of the time spent together!

[Hollie McGarvey]

My goodness..it seems to me you are wonderful, giving parents to want to adopt another child!! How many parents work full time now with their children? You get going on it and your family will be all the richer for it!

[mommamarci]

I don't think I could ever be a full time stay at home mom. My husband also has a job that allows him to be at home during the week, so we are also planning to put our newborn into part time daycare. If I was a stay at home mom full time, I think I would be a worse mom. I need to get out and have adult interaction. I was a nanny in college, and while I enjoyed it, I often felt like pulling my hair out. I know it will be different when it is my own, but I do not have the patience. My husband and I decided a long time ago that if we ever got to a point where we could afford for one of us to stay at home, he would be the one.
I say do not feel at all guilty. I think it is wonderful that the child will only be in daycare part time, but I also think it is healthy. They need to learn to interact with other children and they need to have time away from mom and dad. If you stay home for a few years, you may have all kinds of trouble with day care after that. The child will not be able to handle you leaving because they have always been with you. I have seen this several times. Millions of children go to day care full or part time and quite a few of them turn out perfectly healthy, happy, and productive. Many children with full time stay at home parents do not turn out as well. I think the quality of the parenting, not quantity is the important factor! Just be the best mom you can and enjoy the time you have together!!

[Happy123]

I am able to stay at home with our five children (I really think daycare would eat up any money I made). I stopped working when we relocated, but then we only had two. We have gone on to adopt 3 more.


I think that if you can work full time and only have to have the baby in PT daycare that would be great.

I think that it is a personal decision, yours and your husbands alone to make.

I often wish I did work some. I miss the adult conversation. But, I could tell you anything you wanted to know about any cartoon (LoL).

Good Luck,
Happy123

[alwaysus]

The only time I have worked while having children, is when all of our kids were in public school and I worked there as a substitute teacher. I had none that weren't in school at the time.That way I was paid for being with them. We now homeschool our kids. I can't ever see working while the kids are under the age of 18. We do without alot of stuff to make that happen. But honestly none of us miss it.That works for us but it doesn't work for everyone.You have to find what works for you.

[gabsdot]

I laughed when I saw the titel of your post, To work or not to work. Staying home is work too!!!!
Goos luck with your adoption and in your decision. There is no right or wrong answer you have to make the decision that is best for your family.

[redhedded]

Julie, This is such a personal decision and what works is really different for each family. I did not intend to be a stay at home mom; I returned to work when my dd was 3 months old and was fortunate enough to be able to take her with me to my office until she was 8 months old at which time my mom and dad kept her everyday. After working for several months, my dh and I decided that, for us, it was both workable and really important for one of us to stay home (being in social services that meant me.)

I was not young when our daughter arrived, and my career was established, though not so much so that I could not part with it. I however, know other mothers, who are better mothers because they work; they love their jobs, and the time they spend with their kids is quality and they make the most of it.

I now have a 14 month old son. Staying home is the best decision that we ever made; I adore every minute of it and we have such great fun and significant stress free time together everyday. When my son is three and starts pre school, I plan to return to work full time, if anyone will hire me.

[tjb52]

Thanks for all your input! I did not mean to imply at all that staying at home is not work! I know from experience that staying home is almost always more work than leaving the house to go to an office all day. Jenna, my husband is a Police Officer, he works 12 hour shifts and get 15 days a month off. I know that this will be a decision that my husband and I have to make but I do appreciate all the advice, it is nice to hear from someone that I dont have an emotional reaction to (family, friends, co-workers) it helps me to know that we will make the decision that is right for us and works for our family.

Thanks,
Julie

[Jensboys]

I just want to reiterate what the others have said - do the best you can with what you have, and if that means daycare, then so be it.

However, saying all that, I could not imagine parting with my babies so young, not even for a day! My first was 8 months old before I was away from him overnight, and although he did fine, I ached for him every minute I was away. And he did miss me . We are in Canada, so we have the option of a 50 week paid maternity leave, but even so, I wouldnt be able to not be a full time parent to my child. I know that, and for the most part love every minute of it. I also think that my kids HAVE benefitted from it also. To me, strong relationships with parents are far more important in the infant and toddler years than "socialization". BUT that isnt possible for everyone, and thats ok too. It might not be MY ideal - but it could be yours

My only suggestion would be completely honest with the expectant mother considering you as an adoptive placement for her child. If you intend to go back to work right away, say that. She has the right to choose the best situation, from her perspective, for her child - and that might include a working mother, or it might not.

[LisaCA]

i think it comes down to what you need. I went back to work as a college prof after dd arrived, but soon realized I didn't want to be there. I'm way too much of a control freak to not be there all the time, lol. I'd love to go back to work, but only if I can mentally do it, you know?

[linda512]

It's funny to me that most of the replies are from SAHM's. I know there are some working mothers out there. I am adopting as a single mother and will have no choice but to work. I do not feel guilty now, nor do I feel irresponsible. I also feel that I would not be a good stay at home mother, but I won't have a chance to test that.
I think it is important that you do what is right for you and not worry so much about what others say. I know SAHM's who are very happy and some who are not but do it because it is "the right thing to do". Many working mothers would prefer to be home with their kids but can't afford it.
Good luck with your decision!

[kat8eyes]

Hi Julie,
It's funny that according to the replies you've gotten, they should all be people who can stay home, as you posted this during "work hours"!
You gotta do what works for you. I would love to stay home but we can't afford it, whereas others mentally and emotionally can't stay home!