[blessedmomee]

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this situation, but I think you are handling it very well! I would encourage you to ask speak with the teacher again. I would be very direct! Tell her that although, you appreciate her apology, you are still troubled and really want to make sure that everything is cleared up, so you can continue having a very good relationship with her and the school. Let her know that you feel there was a breach of privacy, and you want to ensure this does not happen again, or to anyone else. Suggest a meeting with the director, initiated by the teacher. This is an excellent opportunity for the director to reinforce the school's privacy policy. Hopefully, this will give the teacher an opportunity to take ownership for her part in the situation, and you will be able to then sincerely forgive her and move forward. As I see it, you have nothing to lose by confronting the teacher again, and all involved can gain from the entire experience.
On a side note, we have dealt with a similar situation. Our situation involved our ex-pastor's wife. She felt at liberty to share the details of our children's history(in a negative manner) with every stranger that visited our church. I did not confront the situation, as my dh believed this woman would grow tired of sharing our story, and our children were too young to understand. Unfortunately over time, the comments turned ugly and racist. We had several meetings to try and resolve the situation, but this woman would never take ownership for the comments. She either denied, said we were too sensitive, or said she was only joking. In the end(after our 4yr. old repeated a horrible, racial comment directed at the color of her skin), we left our church home of many, many years. I will never risk the heart of my child because of someone's ignorance. I do wish I would have been direct from the beginning, instead of wishing it would end. I want to encourage you. Don't let the situation go, until you have peace in your heart that there is resolve.

[manni28]

I don't know about speaking again to the teacher and then the director?? If you look at it, she's learned her lesson. Also, the fact that she wrote an apology letter proves that it hit home. Also, suggesting a meeting after speaking with her would, I suspect, cause tension between you and the teacher. I still don't understand why everyone’s upset about the "you’re with a good mommy now" comment-it was meant as a compliment

[crick]

Manni - perhaps it was meant as a compliment. But look at it this way...would you want your child to hear this comment?
My dd is 8 and still loves her bmom. She knows bmom couldn't take care of her and made the wrong decisions. That doesn't mean though that dd feels bmom is a bad person. If my dd were to hear the good mommy comment, it would probably upset her, and I wouldn't want that for her.

Just another way to look at it....

[manni28]

Crick:


I see your point.

Manni

[BethanyB]

Manni, like Crick explained above, the comment, "But you have a good mommy now" may have meant to be a compliment but it says much more. She could have said, "I heard you have a great mommy!" She didn't have to say now. Now means that he didn't have a good mommy before. And yes, his bmom made some big mistakes. Mistakes that I myself have been angered over. BUT I don't want my son to think his bmom was a bad person. Anyone can make mistakes. Hers may be bigger than yours and mine but they are still mistakes.

I don't ever want my son thinking she is a bad person. I will tell him that his bmom made some mistakes and could not care for him the way that she wanted to. He will see her pictures and read her bio so that he knows where he came from. And when he is old enough if he wants to know more, I will tell him the details. I'm hoping that she can get her life together in time so that if he wants to find her someday, she will be in the right state of mind to have a healthy relationship with him.

If anyone is to judge my son's bmom, it certainly is not a stranger in a grocery store.

So, I am thinking of talking to the teacher and thanking her for the note that she gave me. I am also going to ask her if she found out what her SIL meant by knowing the "whole story". She may lie but at least I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I asked.

Then I plan to tell her that I plan on speaking to the director about the school's privacy policy to prevent things like this from happening in the future. I plan to tell her that I am not going to mention this incident unless asked and that as far as I'm concerned we are "okay" as far as our relationship goes. But I will let her know that I am going to ask the director to talk to the staff about keeping sensitive issues private.

I feel like I have to do this because if I don't, this could happen again with another teacher. And I can't take chances with my kids lives.

What I'm afraid of is one day my son being in the same kindergarten class as a child who's parents know of my son's history. Then all of a sudden the mom tells the dad over dinner that she knows my son. He was the kid adopted from DYFS and who's bmom used drugs. Then her kid overhears and tells other kids in my son's class. Before you know it my son is finding out terrible things about his bmom that he didn't even know. That is a terrible thought.
And if I can prevent it from happening, I will.

But I'm not going to the director to get the teacher in trouble. I'm going so that the director can inform the staff of the importance of privacy in schools. By doing this, maybe I can prevent this from happening again to my child or someone elses.

I planned on doing this today but I was running late for work. So tomorrow is the day!

[Guspiv]

I think you are handeling this great. Although the teacher did not seem to mean any harm, I do think it is a good idea to tell the director and maybe rather than getting that person specifically in trouble, the director can reinerate the importance of the privacy policy to other staff.
If I could add a bit of my two cents I would add that you are not planning on keeping your child's adoption a secret from him, but you don't think the circumtances around it is everyone business. Because they may just assume, "she doesn't want him to know that she adopted him" you know what I mean.

[manni28]

BethanyB:


Since you’ve explained I can see your point.