[StorkWatcher]

Hoping for some helpful hints here -

I am thinking about offering to volunteer to start an adoptive parent waiting support group for the agency we adopted through. They used to have one that met on a quarterly basis, but when we were on the waiting list, they never had a meeting. I don't know if they had a lack of volunteers or resources or what. I really could have benefited from a group near us, as we had no close friends who had adopted recently when we began our journey. Thank goodness for these forums and for a couple we met who were on our agency's waiting list at the same time!

I have no formal training for leading a group like this - just a feeling of a need to help others and my own experience of going through the adoption process, and I'm sure I can get materials and assistance from the agency's workers. Does anyone have suggestions on what works well in these types of groups, what you'd be looking for in a group or what you needed from this forum, or what things to avoid or concentrate on?

At this time, I'd be focusing on the waiting parents from their first contact with the agency to finalization. I think we could then have a natural progression on to a less formal group of adoptive couples after that point.

Feel free to PM me or post your experiences and suggestions or direct me to sites for resource materials. I'd especially love to hear from those of you who have coordinated a group like this in the past or who had a support group during your wait.

[redbonec]

Oh sheesh, I just pushed some button on the computer and the whole message got deleted. I thought I was on a roll. I will try to remember what I said!

Our agency started up a group this past November. It is good to meet other waiting parents. Our group has recently mentioned that we want icebreaker activities--because the more you know each other--the more you support each other. My husband and I are now hopeful for the other couples too, not just us.

Next meeting we will be discussing birthparent meetings. What is appropriate to discuss at the meetings, what is not. Maybe some role-play.

Another meeting we discussed reality vs. fantasy children. To recognize what our expectations are of our to-be children and ourselves. It is okay to have them, but also be prepared that all fantasies will not be true. This can range from looks of a child, personality, health, etc.

We have also discussed networking (our agency did not have birthparents for 4 months, so this came about naturally for our group).

We also have an email list for each other. One member and I have sent a few to each other--sometimes you want to discuss something you are not comfortable bringing up in a group meeting.

I have enjoyed going. I will say that your idea of quarterly meetings is a good one. Ours meets once a month. It is not required that we go. I do like going, although, as more than one person has pointed out, going every month makes you remember that another month has gone by without adopting. Every other month would be fine with me.

Good luck and kudos to you for starting this up!

[StacyM]

What a wonderful idea! I haven't seen any groups like that, but I know it would have been very helpful when we were waiting.

I think it would be comforting to waiting families to hear the stories from other waiting families and know they are not alone. It really does bring comfort to share your feelings with other people who are in the same situation and understand. From there, I think topics will develop and you might ask the group for ideas.

Good luck...I think it's a great thing to do.