[watermelon0719]

Hi all! I was just wondering if anyone here has adopted a child between 1 and 2 years of age? DH and I want to adopt from India, as I am of Indian descent. Most of the kids will be between 1 and 2 when they come to the US. Do you think it would be harder to bond with this age group? It seems like everyone wants a newborn or very young infant. I am open to older kids, but wondering why there's such a stigma (don't know if that's the right word) attached to bringing home older kids? Thanks for any information!

[qs mom]

I won't kid you, bonding and attaching is HARD work. It's an ongoing process.

My son was nearly 3 when I brought him home. We have very mild attachment problems, mostly about control for him. But, he's very loving to me, our family, our pets.

I have a friend who adopted a much younger child, I belive he was under a year old, he's 6 now and they still have alot of attachment issues and are working closely with a therapist.

It truly depends on the child. The older the child, the more likelihood that there MAY be attachment problems. However, I think it depends more the the change in caregivers. The more caregivers, the more attachment problems.

[redhedded]

watermelon, There are many people on this forum who have adopted older children domestically and many who have adopted toddlers internationally. While there may always be the possibility of attachment issues, I think, with international adoption, much of it depends on the circumstances since birth. If an orphanage has good child to staff ratios, long term employees and quality care, there certainly may be a lesser likelihood of attachment issues. We know several people who have adopted at or around 12 months (China and South Africa); their children are completely attached and happy.

I believe that Attachment Parenting is beneficial for any child, adopted or not, newborn or not. We used it with both of our babes, with us since birth. I would recommend reading about toddler adoption as well as AP.

Good luck to you.

[leaabc123]

Every situation and child is different. We have not yet adopted. We are fostering to adopt two toddlers who came to us almost a year ago. TPR process has started and stopped several times.

I believe the bonding process has been helped by me being a SAHM. Although my dp travels a lot for work and both girls are just as bonded to her.

They still have weekly visits which has caused some behavior issues (long story) but they are clearly attached to us. They show preference for us when around other people but the older one will go and play with familiar adults without problems. The younger one likes to have us nearby most of the time and had some problems when she had to stay overnight with a relative due to my having to go to the hospital.

Before us, the girls had been in 3 or 4 placements but luckily they seem to be doing well. The younger one was behind in development but has caught up and is doing well.

Hope this answers your question.

[LisaCA]

we initially planned to adopt an older child (around 5 years old or so) but after doing some reading, decided that our lifestyle at that time didn't really work well with older kids. we read Toddler adoption by mary hopkins-best and i'd recommend it. it gave the positives and negatives of adopting toddlers-very useful.

for us, the attachment thing was a problem. not all kids have attachment issues, but since you're not sure til they arrive, it was a difficult gamble, particularly since we both traveled a lot. since dh couldn't commit to staying home for a year or so, we decided to go for a newborn. If I can talk dh into fosteradoption, we may go that route down the road.

good luck!

Lisa

[Lexie]

I have a close friend that adopted 2 boys , each at 4 years of age. They were in foster care and had no attachment issues. They are actually looking to adopt another 4 year old and I have discussed this with her at length and she is a strong proponent of older child adoption. She feels that the problems of a few have discouraged people and that in her experience she did not have any major issues. My Aunt and Uncle adopted internationally 2 toddlers. One had no issues the other is slightly autistic and there were some issues associated with that--but not major ones. I have heard of difficulties on this board, but the people that I know personally have not found that to be the case. You may want to talk with other famlies that have adopted from the same orphanage to see if they had any issues. I think a lot of it depends on the environment in which they were living.

Good luck
Lexie

[blessedbybug]

Recommend this book as well. We are open to a child who is at least a year younger than DD (who turns 2 next month!) and this book helped us be more open about that.

[mom2justynsarah]

Even though my daughter was a newborn when we adopted her, I wanted to add my 2 cents.

My neighbor's daughter adopted a baby boy & baby girl from Russia (at different times). Both babies were 12 months old at time of adoption. She had absolutely no problems with either of them.

I have met and interracted with both babies. They are unbelievably healthy, happy, beautiful and ATTATCHED to mommy.

My co-worker's son was also adopted from Russia. He was 18 months at the time. I have also met this gorgeous little boy. Again- no attachment problems or anything of the like.

Maybe they both got lucky? I don't know. I believe that if you are going the international route, you need to make sure that the babies were receving either good foster care or and or in loving hands.

Best of luck,

Julie