[LisaCA]

I know we often get hung up on the negative comments that come our way, as (p)adoptive parents, adoptees and as birthparents, but I thought maybe we could talk about the positive adoption-related comments that come our way. I don't mean the "oh you're such a saint" type of comments . Not everyone sticks their foot in their mouth . I mean the one comment that someone says to you that is really sticks with you, gives you a warm fuzzy when you most needed it. Please share it with us.

[LisaCA]

I'll start .

I arrived late thursday nite to Chicago the day after dd was born and was late getting to the hospital. I was able to meet dd, her bmom, bgrandma, and baunts but I didn't stay too long (it had clearly been a long day for everyone). The guard let me up to see dd even though it was past the visiting hours. The plan was for me to arrive early on fridan morning and stay with bmom and family til dd was signed out to me. I went to the hotel, checked in, and was so exhausted but happy and stressed.

the next morning i arrived and there was a different guard on duty. I wasn't sure of the process, since the night guard just waved me up. I went to the desk and very nervously said something like "I'm here to see ms. G, I'm adopting her baby." And the female guard just gave me the biggest smile, gave me a pass and said something like "lets get you up there Mama!" I can't say why this was so important to me and still is. Probably because I was there alone, papers unsigned, and very nervous. it was just nice to be called "mama" even though I wasn't really at that moment .

it's been 19 months and I still carry her smile and positive comment with me.

[traceyk]

After DH and I (who are both CC) picked up Drihan (who is AA) and went to the hotel, a woman from behind us saw the carseat and said "oh, I just have to see the baby"! Well she obviously couldn't see her and we braced ourselves for a comment when we turned around. We then turned around and she gasped and said "OH, did y'all just have her and come from the hospital?" We smiled and said no that we adopted her. She smiled and said, "Really? Well, she's beautiful." We got to the suite and laughed so hard and thought how cool it was that this woman never even thought twice about the color difference that was obvious.

[DominicsGirl]

I have two to share. One was a comment and the other is more of an observation of my family.

I took Grayson to the grocery store, I'm CC and he's Hispanic/Caribbean. I'll also point out that I live in a rural neighborhood which is mostly white, but becoming more diverse...slowly. Anyway, while in the store, a clerk came up to me to see the baby. He was bundled in his carseat and covered up, so I had to pull the cover away. Like traceyk, I was bracing myself for the reaction. She looked at him and said, "He's just adorable! How old is he?" I responded with eight weeks. And then she asked, "How was it going through labor?" I smiled and said he was adopted. She then said, "I wasn't sure since he's black" and then went on to ask about our adoption process and how things went, etc. I saw it as a positive because she was so genuine in her reactions. Others may have been offended, but I just didn't get that vibe from her. She rang us up later and continued to just ask about motherhood and how we were doing. It was a really nice conversation.

My second observation has to do with how my family is handling the adoption. My DH and I spoke to our families prior to adopting. They were supportive, but unfamiliar with the process, language, and so on. Each time I talk with them you can tell they just "get it" more and more. I don't know how to explain it, but just little things, like saying "birthmother" and understanding what that means, or asking how our attempts at open adoption are going, something they weren't initially comforable with, just make me happy.

Sorry, I've rambled!

[redhedded]

Since becoming a mother three years ago we have gotten only a handful of hateful comments. We have however, gotten wonderfully supportive, affirmative of our parenthood and beautiful comments on a regular basis, far too many to ever recall. However, one happened just before babes got sick a few weeks ago.

A woman approached us and said I have seen you here many times and wanted to tell you that you have the happiest, sweetest kids that I have ever seen. I responded "thanks, I know; I am really blessed." She said, you are, but it is obvious that your spirit of mothering and home life is what makes them so happy.

[NJNative]

Ours happened before we even got the baby. We went out to the airport to get our tickets to the state where our adoption was happening. We were using frequent flyer miles for two tickets, and buying one (my mom was coming with us). Naturally it was only a week before the trip, so of course the ticket was going to cost a fortune. And we weren't sure when two of us were coming back!

So we started to explain the whole adoption thing to the U.S. Airways ticket agent. She was so excited. She started checking every fare in the universe and came up with a round-trip ticket for $168! I swear to this day that she gave us her employee discounted fare or something. Because the first price we were quoted was in the $500+ range.

The second one was after we got the baby. He was sick with a cough and cold the day we took custody, so our lawyer gave us the name of the pediatrician who had done his pre-adoptive physical. While we were there, the nurse weighed and measured him and wrote it down on a piece of paper, handed it to me and said, "Well Mom -- here's your new baby's "birth" weight." We both laughed because my "new" baby weighed 23 pounds, 12 1/2 ounces and was 29 1/2 inches long. And yes, I remember those numbers to this day, just as you would a newborn's birth data.

People were so nice to us throughout the 10 days we were waiting to go home. And it made it all that more exciting.

Robin

[NaomiNJaysmom]

I think our most positive comment came from our sons birthfather. He was adopted as a baby but his parents divorced while he was young and this made for a difficult family life for him. While we were in the hospital DH was holding DS in a corner of the room just staring at him and talking to him like no one else in the world exsisted.The birthfather turned to our case worker and me and said " And that is exactly why we chose you I want our son to have what I didn't!" That comment will be with me forever.

[alwaysus]

When we brought Elijah for his newborn check up, our pediatrician was so sweet! She picked him up and held him close and said " Boy kid, you really landed on your feet finding this family" I was touched to the point of tears.

Also, when we went to court to TPR the birth fathers rights, the judge was so wonderful, after he made his decisoin he said " This was a wonderful way to start the day, all days should start off so positive" Later I found out that he is an adoptive father as well and thats why he was so fantastic.

My mother told me how lucky we were to have found him ( instead of the usual" isn't he lucky to have you " kinda thing)
Even though we have encountered som real boneheads, I d have to admit that the positive comments far outweigh the negative ones. Thanks Lisa for reminding us!!!

[bjolly]

this morning, I showed someone a picture of my daughter who we adopted a year ago at age 9. He said, "wow, she looks so happy!" What more could a mom want to hear?

[cxk04d]

This is a great thread Lisa. It is always encouraging to hear good things about adoption.

[Montraviatommyg]

I know I'm only starting out although one agency whom I emailed yesterday has already let us know that they are sending a letter with information. Very few people know yet what we are doing but I have already had one lovely comment from my son. He said that as I am a birthmother I will have a better understanding of adoption and how it affects people as I have "been there" in other words I will have empathy for the birth mother.

Pip

[MommyBear]

Although we're still in the paperwork part of our homestudy (almost done!!!) my most treasured comment came from my manicurist. Now, the ONLY reason I even manage to get bi-weekly manicures is because I enjoy this woman's company so much. She tells everyone we see when I'm in the shop that I'm adopting and when another client came in who is now 5 months pregnant, my manicurist said "Alison's adopting! She's pregnant without a due date!"

Now, this might not be the most p.c. of things to say, respect for the pbmom and any of you who have been through mc's and IF stuff - but for me, it made the whole process feel REAL. My family and friends are hesitant to get emotionally involved in the whole process just yet, and having someone be so certain that I'm going to be a mom is wonderful.

[Jensboys]

We were on the transition visits for our boys (then 3 and 4) and the transition was understandably hard on them and on us. We had had sleepless nights and we were dealing with two very angry, very scared little boys. Really it had shaken our confidence that we could to "this" well.

And then we went out for supper and despite all the rude/over curious glances and comments we got walking into an all white diner as a multiracial family I will NEVER forget the waitress. She came up to us and said to the boys with a HUGE smile "Is your mommy ordering for you today?". It was the FIRST time someone just saw me as their MOM, not as their "new mom"or their "adoptive mom" or "foster mom". And yes, she saw me as their mom long before THEY saw me as their mom but she will never know how those words blessed me that day and gave me just the hope I needed.

To be honest, we also have had VERY few ignorant-mean comments (lots of ignorant-clueless comments though ) and there have been other times I have been blessed as well with simple things people had no idea they why what they were saying was so meaningful.

[Nevada Jen]

We have gotten a few good comments but my very favorite is when I asked my best friend what she thought about us changing our family growing plan (after telling her that I really wanted her true answer and that I trusted her to give it to me). I said what do you think about adopting an black child from the United States. Her response: I think its just brilliant!! I wonder why more people don't think of that?!! Hey, I will do the same so our kids will have each other growing up just like our current kids!!

SHe has since got divorced; so no little friend for PJ but she really gave me the confidence I needed to move forward. SHe has never made one inappropriate comment and has supported us the entire time. She was even the only non family member at the finalization of PJ's adoption.

Jen

[Kelli]

There have been many nice comments, but one that has stuck with me always is when our daughter's bmother told us that she prayed for parents like us to care for and love her baby. For me, there are no negative comments that can ever overshadow those words!!