[crick]

Ah...like that eh? In that case I guess I would have said with a smile "it's good you know your own limitations!"

You might fare better putting conversations and questions like that back onto the person asking. That way you don't have to defend yourself and you don't have to be rude (hopefully not anyway).

I know that when my kids were younger, I had a lot more of the sarcastic flip responses to the rude comments. I still do at times if it really warrants it. But with my kids being older now, I do try to handle it in a way that shows my kids how too.

Don't let these kinds of people get to you There will be more....lol.

[maddensmom]

I am sorry someone hurt your feelings or made you angry. It is hard to have your feelings hurt like that, even more when it concerns your children, and it hurts just as much regardless of the other person's intent. i hope you have a better day tomorrow...

[NicNic]

Speaking of rude comments...I got a doozy the other day. We were all in the lounge (I'm a teacher) and two of the teachers in our building recently had babies and brought them in...(they are too cute!) Anyway, we are all fussing over the babies and we got to talking. One of the people I work with said that she had no trouble getting pregnant...all she had to do was smile and she was pregnant. (I also hear comments like this from my SIL, so I'm fairly used to it) Now here comes the doozy...The lady that I was sitting next to nudges me and said "Did you hear what she said...all she had to do was smile and she was pregnant!" Hee Hee hee!
Now why in the heck would she have to nudge me and say that when she KNOWS that we had been trying for years and that we are now waiting to adopt. I was embarrassed...didn't know what to say...and everyone was looking at me. All I said was "lucky her, that didn't quite work for us"

What should I have said to that? I still don't know.

[AdrienneG]

I am sorry she upset you.

I think that a lot of times we forget that the person talking to us know nothign about us, not our lives and not our challenges...and if you are already sad or upset about a personal issue, a stranger has no way of knowing their comment is stupid...cuz if they knew it was stupid they wouldnt have made such a comment.

However I have known parents with twins to smile and say thank you when someone says "wow i dont know how you could do it, if i had twins id be overwhelmed"

As a person who has dealt with infertility I know how it is when you're still licking your infertility wounds and a stranger makes a stupid comment

[alwaysus]

My 1st 5 kids came within 5 years. When Sarah was 4, she had 4 little brothers. One day we were at the mall( 4 of the 5 bio kids, Josh had already died at this point) and a woman asked me if the kids were all mine. I said yes and she said" Oh, God! I would slit my wrists!" I looked at her calmly and said " You're right, it takes a very unselfish person to have kids, thank God you don't" Or something very close to that. I wanted to smack her.

I really don't like the comment " Wow! you sure have your hands full." I always answer one of two ways. " No, I have my arms full" or " NO, I have my heart full"

[ourdreamcametru]

I know what you mean. Since our boys are 11 and 15 and our daughter is 20 months we are always hearing what "big" people we are to give up our free time to raise another baby! Another one I hate is when we are out and our 15 year old son is carrying Castle and someone tells him what a great person he is to stick by his girlfriend and help raise HIS child! Why do people automaticly assume she is his child??????????

[Luv]

I get very upset when my friend introduces my son "this his her adoptive son" so n so maybe i too as an adoptive mother am being overly sensitive but i dont intro her son as this is her "bio son" so n so. no i havent said anything to her yet and i have been thinking of a way to tell her and a few others not to intro him that way IF i choose to share that info then I will share that info. so do you feel i am over re-acting? i even thought of writing a generic letter to everyone stating how i feel about this matter. even my cousin says oh this is her little boy she adopted him, why add that last line? hes just my little boy period

luv

[NJNative]

"It's not like when we get to heaven there's a private island just for adpotive parents."


What? No private island for US? I'm aghast!

Robin

[spaypets]

LOL, Robin, yeah, where's our island?

[redribbonrose]

"Did you hear what she said...all she had to do was smile and she was pregnant!" Hee Hee hee!
Now why in the heck would she have to nudge me and say that when she KNOWS that we had been trying for years and that we are now waiting to adopt.

She was probably trying to make you feel better by being sarcastic. I've had friends do this for me. When my cousin went to great lengths to tell me all the different ART treatments we should try before we adopt; as if adoption wasn't good enough in her opinion, my dad's girlfriend said to me, "yeah, you should try going to the doctor more". It was her way of protecting me from my cousin's rant.

I know we can get sensative about our infertility or protective of how our children come to us but sometimes we have to not hear the words as much as the thought behind the words. Hope that made sense.

[Lexmom]

Quote: "I know we can get sensative about our infertility or protective of how our children come to us but sometimes we have to not hear the words as much as the thought behind the words. Hope that made sense" RedRibbonRose

I absolutely agree. I used to get angry at strangers, friends, and family for asking, "When are you going to have kids." You'd think after 5 years of marriage, that they'd know something was up. But then I realized, I never told anybody. It was something I wanted to keep to myself. I didn't think it was the worlds business, but because of that, I shouldn't get angry that someone would make a comment. There were ignorant, by my making for not sharing.

I've also come to the conclusion that it's better to fogive than to spend your entire life angry. It's hard to let everything roll off your shoulders. Some days you just want to make a snappy retort. But for the most part, it's better to just ignore it and move on. Harboring anger over a stupid comment is really bad for ones health.

I hope that made sense and wasn't offensive. We all have a right to defend ourselves when attacked. This is just my way of dealing with it because I spent way too much time angry because I couldn't keep up with all the stupid comments.

[Lexmom]

One other thing...when we finally adopted (which we didn't share with anyone but the immediate family either), my husbands cousin came up to me and apologized for nagging my about not having a family sooner. I told her it was okay because she had no idea what we were going through. Communication really is important. It smooths out a lot of misunderstandings.