[joskimo]

I work in a field that puts me in child care centers and day care homes frequently. Today I heard something that just made my blood boil. A provider was complaining about a 9 month old, very clingy baby, wants snuggled, is spoiled by mom (sounds like my gal), then the comment came out "he's adopted so you never know about ......) the inference meaning "you never know about in utero" -- It really irked me because no one "ever" knows about anyone. Prenatal neglect is not an adoption issue, I live in a state with the highest occurance per capita of FAS/FAE -- those kids aren't adopted. "you never know....." My goodness, what a judgement statement.

It's not my place to teach people about adoption and it was a work related visit, but the provider asked if maybe adoptive parents maybe worried about bonding so perhaps that's why spoil the children -- not with us but I did explain I overspoiled my daughter because it took us so long to get her (I know, I know, not a good excuse but it's the best I've got -- and frankly I used the same excuse on my biodaughter too). But spoiling baby did effect daycare because she wasn't used to sleeping in a crib and it took quite awhile for her to get accustomed to daycare.

A few months back I received another comment at work about adoption "well the provider stays home because she adopted and you don't just adopt a child to leave it in care..." That statement upset me as an adoptive mom and as a biomom - like one child is worth more then the other? A biomom can work but an adoptive mom can't? Made no sense at all.

It's just hard when you receive these comments in a professional environment because it has nothing to do with my work but I want to set people straight.

[blessedbybug]

All these assumptions drive me crazy too. I've encountered them in a more professional situation as well and struggled with how to handle them.

FWIW... I don't believe you can "spoil" your child although my DD has a hard time going to sleep for anyone but me or her Daddy too. Maybe it's all the rocking! I have to say that it is more about me and my need to be close to her, as we waited so long for her and I can't get enough.

"you don't just adopt a child and put it in care"... now that REALLY bugs me. I am a SAHM by my choosing, but not because DD is adopted. It's those kind of statements that really make me wonder if people will ever get it.