[mrsdatabits]

Hi Everyone... DH and I just found out this week that we have been picked by a birthmom to be the parents of her baby and we are to meet her the week after next.

We asked the caseworker if we should bring anything (thinking pictures or whatnot), and she said we could bring flowers or a gift basket. I was wondering if this is a normal thing, simply because DH and I both feel uncomfortable bringing a gift to this meeting. We look at it as we're meeting someone new, and we wouldn't bring a gift in a situation like this any other time... why should this time be different? Do you think we could put together a little photo album with pictures of family, friends, our house, etc. for her to keep if she wanted? If so, any other ideas for pictures we could include? We are planning to get her something when the baby is born, but then we'd do that for friends or family that had given birth anyway.

We'd appreciate any suggestions or encouragement (don't we all? ) as we're pretty nervous!

[tondy24]

We just met our pbmom last week and we took her a photo album. She loved it, and I think it was the right thing to bring to that first meeting. Good luck with your meeting!

[Imani68]

I'm flying out to meet our pbirth parents in a few weeks. I'm not bringing a gift but will be taking them both out to dinner.

[tobeafamily]

First, before giving anything - including a food item - be sure to clear it with your attorney.

Having said that, if you're not comfortable bringing anything, then don't. It's not who 'you' are and to do otherwise would ring false.

Now if you wanted to share photos of your family, house, recent vacation, etc then yes, bring along a photo album. Makes for a good conversation item. This does not have to be something you give to anyone, just something you bring along to share.

Best of luck,

Regina

[TickTock]

We just went through all this and this is what we did: The very first time we met I brought a photo album, it included all the people that are important to us, the entire house, pets, etc. I also before we met sent her a phone card, we live in another state, I did not want her to incur a phone bill.
At the hospital during the entrustment ceremony we gave her a necklace with the baby's birthstone and 4 small diamonds, a photo album with pictures of everyone, the hospital and the NEW baby. We also gave her Mom a locket that said Grandma and a photo album.

P.S. We have an extremely open adoption.

Hope that helps.

[lahdh4]

For our first meeting the amom knew that I loved candles, it was in my bio as relaxing things to do, so they brought me a votive candle holder and some votives, just something small. I still have them, infact I haven't burned those yet.

[MajaHedman]

We didn't get a gift at our first meeting as pre first parents. I didn't expect anything either. I don't think it is necessary. She is considering you to parent her child, not looking to you for gifts. A photo album is nice though if she doesn't have any photos of you yet.

[mrsdatabits]

Thanks for all the input. We were kind of floored when she suggested we could bring a gift, then we started flipping out and wondering if we should, if it's the right thing, etc. I was already planning on bringing pictures for if she were interested, so I think we'll definately do that.

One of the other things I was thinking of was to get her a cross-stitch kit (since the caseworker told us she likes to cross-stitch) that says "home sweet home" as we also know she is going to be moving into a new place. This would be a little less weird for us as it's something we might do in a similar situation (i.e. just meeting someone for the first time).

Thanks again for the input!

[Free_to_be_me]

As a birthparent, I would have thought it was a little weird if the potential adoptive parents had brought a gift for me. It would have seemed a little too much too soon. However, if you do want to bring something, a photo album with a few pictures of you, pets, the house, etc and space for her to put some of her own pictures would be a nice gesture. I remember wishing I had some photos of the family I chose and their lives so I could show them to my parents and sister.

[rtsmom]

I think a photo book is an excellent idea. I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable bringing her a gift basket or any other kind of gift. I wouldn't want her to feel coerced in any way, but photos of you, your family, your home is offering something personal of yourself. It also suggests that you don't feel the need for a lot of privacy and secrecy... that you're open to sharing yourself with her.

Janet

[NicNic]

I would think that giving gifts prior to the adoption might be seen as trying to (for lack of a better word) bribe her into picking you. Also, you wouldn't want her to feel obligated to you and then regret her decision because you gave her something. Gifts should wait until after the adoption entrustment. That way you know with a clear conscience that she chose you for who you are and not what gift you gave.

This is something our social worker was adament about...no gifts or anything else exchanged until afterwards. That way the gifts are given from the heart and not with alternative intentions.

[lahdh4]

I don't know what the "rules" are for the agency that we used. We all met up for lunch to get to know each other and as we were leaving that was when L gave me the gift. It was completely unexpected and I thought -- thoughtful. I didn't look on it as anything else as that.

[2bafamily]

We gave our birthmom at our first meeting (prior to being picked) a bracelet, like everyone is wearing right now. It says ADOPTION = LOVE. It was perfect. Our whole family wore one until we brought our precious baby boy home 11 weeks ago. I would suggest some pictures. Our bmom liked the action photos (vacations, gatherings etc.) vs. portraits of the family members. It gave her a sense of who we are.

Don't be nervous, be you..! Don't compromise. I know you feel she's holding all the cards, but you have a whole lot to offer too..!

[2bafamily]

We found the bracelets at adoptionshop.com. Like $5 each or so.

[joskids]

We were just placed this week with our baby and have been meeting with birthmother for about 6 weeks before birth. On first meeting, I just made pumpkin bread and brought it. Anything more seemed like bribery and the food treat seemed less intrusive. She seemed to appreciate it and brought us a beautiful Christmas candle the next meeting when she told us she had chosen our family. After placement we bought her a beautiful diamond heart held by a larger heart (obvious meaning here). Flowers I think are fine or a candle for a first meeting but you go with your own feelings about it. Trust me, this was not an easy process but we are so happy we held in there. Are baby is absolutely gorgeous and we are still in awe (although we had adopted 3 previous times). Best wishes.

Josie