[sadiegirl]

OK, venting here (and in full AF mode) but I have to get 2 situations off my chest that are bothering the HECK outta me.

#1: DS is 9 mos old and in prime stranger/separation anxiety mode. I hear AT LEAST once a day what a "momma's boy" he is. It's said as such a bad thing and it bothers me (not that he loves and is bonded to me but that people say it with such disgust). Anybody have any snappy retorts?

#2: Met MIL for lunch the other day. Keep in mind as you hear this that, she herself has 2 adopted children (my DH being one of them) and of course knows that DS is adopted. Upon seeing him, she said, "he looks just like you!". I can't figure out why that bothered me but it did.

Thanks for letting me vent!

[Poolside]

#1: There are so many ways that kind of comment is hurtful. How about this reply:
"he's never ever like this, maybe he just doesn't like you?"

#2: That's a tough one ! Does he look like you? I don't mean in the "he has your eyes" sort of way, but maybe she genuinely thinks he does??

I have said things like," Oh I don't know about that, but she sure ACTS like me !"

Vent all you want : )

[saxxxy]

Sadiegirl,

I completely second your complaints. When my daugther went through the Mommy only stage I loved it, but my MIL said she did not even want to be around my daughter because it was irritating. They would try to take her and shoo me away (not ok with me). It makes me happy that my daughter needs me and when she needs me I will be there for her.

It really bothers me also when people say she looks just like DH and I. Yes, so does her Birth Mom. What kind of a point are they trying to make? We did not adopt her just because he first Mom looked like us.

I hope you feel better after having had your vent. I do!!

[alwaysus]

When people mention that Elijah is a mommys boy ( and he is BAD BAD BAD and I LOVE it) I politely tell them that most of our presidents have been Mommys boys too! Clinton, Bush and Carter to name a few.( Look it up, there was a neat article about that fact)

[Linny]

In response to the 'momma's boy'.....that's when I might use the same type of argument that I use about babies using pacifiers:

'Well.....I'd rather have a crooked toothed, well-adjusted child; than a straight-toothed, neurotic child!"

So, in your case:

"Well....I'd rather have a son that feels secure and can express his feelings, than an insecure and inhibited, neurotic son!!!"

Usually.......this leaves people 'in the dust' about the time you mention the 'neurotic' part........and thus, they leave it alone!

Hope this helps.....

Sincerely,

Linny

BTW....We've had boy and girl babies/toddlers that acted this way....and I fully loved it, because it meant that they were attaching NORMALLY! (We've had older kids that were RAD before....so we welcome ANYTHING that seems like normal attachment!)

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Why not say something like.. I love it now... ask me again when he is 5... right now Im just soaking up the non-mobile, non-mouthy love..

Or... Im just enjoying it now before he has to grow up and be a man.

Or you know... something like that.

Or even just joke about it... and say something like... yep well he must like me.

[danhanan]

I can't believe that anyone with children doesn't recognize that as a phase. A very healthy one at that. So how about something like....yes he is, it's normal and necessary for any well-adjusted child, didn't YOUR child go through this?

As for the resemblance..... well, I'm sure they mean well. I doubt (or hope anyway) that no one would be saying that in a negative manner. When DH was out with Hannah an elderly woman was talking to her and telling her how adorable she is and finished with "and you look just like daddy". DH was proud and excited to come home and tell me that. I've had a few friends tell me that she looks like she's a bchild. I know that they aren't impying anything negative. She just does. For me, it doesn't bother me to hear that, as I know they mean it in a positive way to make us feel good. I know I'm not expressing the point I'm trying to make (shoulda had my coffee first!!). I just think that although it doesn't matter to us if she looks like us or not...they are just trying in their unfamiliar way to be nice.

[sadiegirl]

#1 fan: I like your responses! And Danhanan, EVERY SINGLE person who says he's a "momma's boy" HAS children, so I might use your response too! I just don't get it; like I said, it's a GOOD thing but everyone says it like it's so bad. FIL even told me last night that we've gotta "get out more" so he's not such a momma's boy. (Hey, and why don't you come over more often than every 6 weeks? Then maybe he wouldn't cry every time he sees you!) But I digress...that's a whole other thread!

Danhanan, I am sure people mean well when they say he looks like me. Coming from complete strangers is one thing but from family, entirely different! I guess it makes me feel like they think she chose us b/c he'd look like me. (bmom and bdad are both blue eyed blondes as am I--DH has hazel eyes and black hair! ) I guess I just figure my MIL should "know better" than to say something like that.

[redhedded]

Sadie, I get that too with B. My response is usually, "yeah I enjoy it while I can. In 10 years he won't want to hang out with me so much." And for the record, well we go out everyday and B sees lots of people. He is sociable from a distance, but the minute someone gets too close to him, oh watch out; the big tears come.

[KatieMill]

We hear that DD looks "just like YOu" all the time. And to be honest, I've never taken offense. There are 2 cousins in my family that are adopted and I grew up hearing that on occasion (from non-family) because if you had not known they were adopted...they did have our family traits.

DD does look like she is our biological child. She looks more like us than her bmother. Bmom says that's because this is where God meant for her to be all along. If you put myself and bmom together along with DD, there'd be no question in your mind that she was my biological child...she looks that much like us over bmom.

I know that for some people it is irritating and hurtful. For my family, we've just always seen it as their awkwardness coming out...and a way of "spreading the great news about God's rewards w/adoption!"

Just my opinion. Thought I'd share.