[bagletkt]

Hi Everyone,

Been going through fertility treatments for five years. Adoption for a little over a year. My husband has been very supportive through everything, but I think he is startiing to get tired of my sadness with the situation. He was telling me the other day that I used to be such a positive person but that this waiting process is taking that away from me. How do remain positive? It feels like it is never going to happen.

[Missourimomtobe]

(((HUGS))) I know exactly what you mean - we went through infertility treatments for 10 years, and believe me when I say that the sadness can recede. Having said that, every person works through grief in their own time . . . it was MANY years before I could attend a baby shower or be truly happy for someone who was having a baby!

But if this is affecting your life enough that your husband is beginning to complain (and remember - HE has grief over this as well, even if he doesn't show it) then you may want to talk to someone objective about the subject so you can get your feelings out. There were many times when dh was the only one I would talk to about the situation and frankly, it got overwhelming for him to bear my grief along with his!

It's okay to feel what you're feeling, what's not okay is to allow those feelings to negatively impact your life or the life of others, you know? To stay positive during those years, I found activities that completely took my mind off children .. . horseback riding, volunteering, etc. The more you involved yourself in things that make you happy, the more positive you can be about life in general because a baby only becomes one piece of your life rather than the all-consuming focus of it.

Many of us on this board have been where you are; you are not alone. It's incredibly difficult to remain positive when it seems like things are never going to change but if you can use this "down time" to make yourself the best person you can be, your child (when he or she arrives!!!) will be better off for it. Looking back, I can see so many valuable lessons I learned while I waited for my daughter to arrive ... but you sure couldn't tell me those were positive years when I was going through them!

Keep believing, keep pushing forward, and never allow yourself to doubt. Miracles happen every day, and they happen when we least expect them.

Peace,

[alwaysus]

I have no experience in this, I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. Hugs.....

[StacyM]

I understand how you feel. I went through the same thing. I think I was anxious and depressed...until our baby came. That's all I could think about. But, I have to tell you that I just kept thinking positive thoughts and hoping it would all work out. I was blessed that it did. Just wanted to say hang in there...it can be hard, but if you keep postive thoughts about your family, I'm sure it will work out and you'll be yourself again soon.

Take care,

[DominicsGirl]

Bagletkt, I just wanted to echo that you are not alone. My DH and I were ttc for almost four years. I am one of those people who always looked at the glass as half empty anyway and the hormones, pregnancy losses, and other things associated with infertility just made it worse. I remember looking at one of my good friends who has had everything go right in her life - great house, wonderful job, two beautiful children, a boy and girl, of course - and didn't understand why just one thing couldn't work our for me. Even now I'm still struggling with trying to be positive. I adore my son, but now we are dealing with other things that make it difficult to maintain a positive attitude.

While I was ttc, I did things I loved to do. That helped me enjoy my life even if I wasn't the most positive person in the bunch. I also would vent, whether it be to the network of wonderful people on the boards or to my friends. I always felt a little better getting things off my chest.

Good luck to you and your husband.

[McNally720]

Hi there--

Just wanted to say hang in there--it will get better, and your story will have a happy ending, eventually!

Until then, as hard as it sounds, try to use this time to take care of yourself and persue things that make you happy. And hang out here---this is a great place for support, because everyone know how you feel.

The endless waiting, the not knowing, the uncertainty of it all can get to you. But it's only one aspect of your life, even though it feels all consuming.

Find things to do that make you happy, spend time doing non-adoption related things and when you aren't expecting it--that's when things will start to happen!

[tobeafamily]

For me doing my own personal networking helped me keep the sadness at bay because I felt like I was doing something other than just waiting for the phone to ring. DH and I set a goal to leave 10 business cards in public places each day (and turned it into a friendly 'competition' to find and cover new places!), go out once a month and leave cards and flyers in laundromats, etc.

It didn't keep the frustration and sadness 100% at bay. I still had bad days and better days. It did help though.

Hang in there.

Regina