[4baby02]

My dh and I have decided to start the adoption process, we have a 6 yr old dd.

For those of you who had children when did you talk to them about you starting the process?

Veronica

[mommy3]

In our family, we're very open with talking about plans and our dd (who was 7 when we were ttc and lost 3 babies) was used to being part of decisions and discussions. Because she had been so much a part of the planning for our pregnancies, she very much wanted to be part of adoption. (Side note, my miscarriages were very difficult and I was hospitalized with complications each time, so she was aware of what I went through, plus she and I are extremely close.) From the age of 2 she had wanted a sibling, so we felt that once we were ready to pursue adoption, this would be an answer to her dreams. As a result, we told her from day one and she loved it that although we wouldn't know WHEN, there was a 100% chance of a baby coming to us.

With our second adoption, our ds was 6 when we started and 8 when our little one was born in Nov., 2 mos. ago. He also wanted to know the plans all the way through. He said that he didn't want to have a surprise and just find out there was a baby -- he wanted to know when we heard from a pbmom and what was happening. We didn't tell him every detail, but kept him up to date. We matched 3 times (3rd was the charm) and were glad he was open to knowing what was going on -- yes, he learned a lot about human nature in the process, but we felt it was not a burden to him.

So, my advice is to think about what your dd's like and if she wants usually to be part of family plans, etc. Then, there is a fair amount of explaining to do, but they are so capable. I've found that most children "get it" about adoption much easier and realistically than adults. Keep us posted! susan

[Bassette]

I let my daughter know that we were considering and researching adoption and informed her every step of the way. However, she was older than your child, probably 12-13 when I first mentioned it to her. I think I would have had the same approach if she were younger to get her thoughts on the matter, flush out any questions and ease her into the idea. Of course I can't be certain since that was not our situation.

[4baby02]

THANKS SO MUCH! I am so wanting to tell her today but wanted feedback. She does understand the process and even more since we gave her a Cabbage Patch for Christmas and she had to adopt her!

I am running to the book store to get some books to read but will definately discuss with her today, we want her to be a part of this too and we know that she will be so excited!!!

[mommy3]

One more comment -- my joke with our dd the first time was that I might be a mouse or an elephant -- our baby might be born in 22 days or 22 months! She liked that story between us. . . susan

[LisaCA]

from what I've read, it's hard for kids to understand the idea of temporary placement, so it's best to tell them that you'll be taking care of a child for a while and ease off the "this is your new brother!" stuff. but I have no direct experience with this. when we adopt again we'll just tell dd that we're taking care of the infant until we're fairly certain that we can tell her more.

here's a link to what some folks say:

http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/again.html

other articles about talking to kids about adoption

http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/index.shtml

[quiescentfury]

We have a 6yr old DS. We told him right away and we explained the WHOLE process. We talked about our training, application, creating our book (he helped with that) to how we are called when someone was interested in us, interviewing, be matched, and about the pbmom signing or selecting to parent. We wanted to make sure he felt apart of it. I often asked him questions about his feelings and what he is excited about and what is he afraib about. One day he came home and told he told his whole class about how adoptions happen.


Hope everything goes wll with your DD.