[lambeausam]

I would like to ask some assistance on behalf of a friend. She adopted a child from foster care and there appear to be some discrepancies regarding her actual age. Please read the message below and offer any suggestions or comments.

Sam

The first moment I met her I questioned her age as she 'appeared' physically older than 5 yrs old.

She is supposed to turn 8 next week and recently had some dental work done with a dental specialist who said her teeth and bone development was more like 9-10. Her second molars are just under the surface. This dentist obtained the dental records from the dentist the foster parents took her to at the supposed age of 4 and she had her 6 yr old molars at the time.

Some experts are suggesting we put M on medication to delay the onset of puberty as she is definitely is developing. I have made her ready and her reaction to the information was odd and very accepting of what she might soon expect. She is in Jr clothing....

Her MAJOR problem at this time is Social and because she is attending Day Treatment her class mates are all 6-7-8 and her social issues appear to be frustration with other children who do not want to play the way she does.

Her Math skills are amazing and include fractions and multiplication and she has had no problem learning to measure for cooking, can tell time on both kinds of clocks.

She gave up all interest in dolls including Barbies over a year ago and would rather listen to the Radio...She wants an IPod for her Birthday, and is able to write down the phone number for Radio Disney and Make the Call, stay on hold and request songs by title and artist!

No One who has met her Believes she is turning 8 including Grandma's who have also always questioned her age.

It is NOT just her behavior that seems older it is her physical body that is older.... I would expect some "grown Up" behaviors given her history and RAD because this is often one of the issues we face....but, the physical issues are really the red flag her age is incorrect.

She does NOT have an original birth certificate. The records we have state her age was determined by birth mom saying she was born in the woods (we have the locations) in 1998 and it was snowing...The state looked at the weather reports for 1998 and determined that the only time it snowed in that place that year was the first 2-weeks of Feb so her Birthday was selected as Feb 1.

[Jackobanzi]

As Aaliyah said, "Age ain't nothin' but a number."

Other than the fact that as adults we like to know everything for certain, does it really matter whether the girl is 8 or 9? If they were suddenly to find out definitively that the child were 9, what would they change?

I'm guessing that they wouldn't automatically move the child up a grade in school...wherever she is is where she is. I suppose that if skipping a grade were being discussed, the age might be a factor that pushes the decision over the edge. Still, though, separating her from her classmates and peers might be a bigger disruption.

There's also the fact that kids are developing earlier and earlier these days. I, personally, was already wearing a bra in 4th grade (ugh!), so she may just be an early developer.

I currently live in West Africa, where very few people have birth certificates. My friend and her fiance found out just before the wedding that he was TEN YEARS older than he thought he was. Tell your friend to look at it that way - a one year discrepancy is nothing!

I say they just forget the topic (easy for me to say!) and let it be another of the great mysteries of the world. The kid has spent 3 years thinking she's X age - if they suddenly tell her she's a year older, that could be more disruptive than it's worth.

Tell your friend good luck!

[lambeausam]

I know what you mean about age being less of an issue for adults. However, when so many of our children's developmental evaluations and therapeutic services are based upon age, it's crucial to have as accurate a date as possible.

Sam

[Happy123]

My bio daughter is nine and often gets mistaken for 12. She likes to do older kid stuff because of the influences of her older siblings. My fifteen year old often gets mistaken for over 18 (once when she even offered a drink at a party--she thought it was funny NOT!!! She did not drink it at least). She had all of her adult teeth by the time she was seven. She started losing them at 3!! The dentist told me it is rare, but happens. Often times, kids just look older than what they are and puberty is coming younger and younger.

[Cobb]

Sam, do they have any medical records prior to placement. If they are able to look back over growth charts they can see whether she was consistently tall, etc. for her age or whether she actually progressed at a quicker rate (i.e. 75% at three, 95% at 5, above the chart at 6, double the distance above the chart of the space that is between 50 and 95 at 7...) If that is the case, she may have a medical problem. When early puberty is accompanied by premature skeletal growth, it can often be the first signs of an underlying hormonal inbalance. With certain conditions it is not unheard of for a confirmed 6-7 year old child to have a skeletal/joint age of 12-13. If she has her older physical appearance has remained proportionately consistent, it would be more likely that her actual age is incorrect.

Also, do you know what meds they are suggesting? I would highly recommend undergoing testing to rule out other problems first, then I'd consider the likelihood of her being older and puberty being appropriate before I would artificially delay it.

I hope that your friend is able to find some answers!

[Twinsnmore_Momy]

Hi, can you see if they can get a bone age done?? This is where they x-ray their left hand and do some measurements. This is pretty accurate unless the child has some medical issues with growth. My 12 year old is on growth hormone and routinely has these done. Also they can do a tanner stage for puberty. This is a way to tell if they are starting, in the middle or at the end of puberty. This maybe a little off as some girls start early. But at least they could follow that. Best of Luck to her.

[redhedded]

I was going to suggest what twinsnmore did, a bone age. I had it done regularly as a scoliosis patient. Cobb gave great advice about proceeding, especially to determine if there is an underlying issue.

[mamacrina]

Seems like you've received great advice already. But I wanted to add that her physical description could've been mine as well at her presumed age.

Never heard of meds to delay puberty...learning something new every day!

[lucyjoy]

My son had bone age testing done at age 11 that indicated he was nine. However, there is no doubt as to the date he was born(had testing done for growth reasons). He didn't get his 6 year old molars until he was 13 and at 15 he is now losing his 10 remaining baby teeth. So how could anyone ever really know a true age if their isn't one. In a few years, it isn't going to matter. Some kids are bigger then others and some mature before others. If it were me, I'd let it go and deal with the child's needs based on their emotional age rather then their birth age.

[redhedded]

I absolutely agree with lucyjoy if there is no medical issue. Age is only a number, and I think it important to address the needs, whether they be social, emotional or educational, based on individuality.

[lambeausam]

Thanks for the responses. I will pass all of them along.

lucyjoy - I know what you mean about the teeth. I actually still have one set of baby teeth. My 12 molars didn't come in until 16 yo. My last set of molars and wisdom teeth never developed. Lucky for me that even with my big mouth, I wouldn't have had room! No braces for me thankfully.

Sam