[melon161]

I don't know if I'm crazy and the only over-worrier here but I was just wondering if anyone else is scared of drug use. Meaning I'm terrified that my kids will get mixed up with drugs. Both of my kids come from a background of drug-use. It really scares me to think that one of my kids would join the scary world of drugs. It's hard to worry about this all the time, especially since my kids are only 1 and 3 but I just can't help it. There's such a meth problem in my community that I think about moving, but I know that there are drugs everywhere. I just want to be able to educate my kids so they know how horrible it is.

Please tell me I'm not alone on this.

Stacy

[Overwhelmed!]

No, you're not the only one. I worry about this too, and Jacob is only 13 months old!

I'd love to hear some advice from parents that have teens or older children who are steering clear of drugs. How do you encourage your children to do so? What motivates kids these day to avoid drugs?

I grew up in a small town and led a sheltered life, so I'm a bit terrified about raising my child in a large city with lots of outside influences.

[sandymomof2]

Stacy - you are definitely NOT alone on this! We had a discussion awhile back about this on Brad's thread when the son (age 22) of some friends of mine od'd on heroin. It terrifies me! Some posters who have been through this with friends/family said, among other things, to make sure your kids are always busy with plenty of activities so they don't get bored and start experimenting. When our friends' son died, I had a talk with my 4 year old about drugs and how they are dangerous. I didn't want to bring it up with her since she is so young, but you hear stories about elementary school age kids getting approached, etc. All I can say is, those creeps better stay away from MY kids!

[Casey677]

I was raised by my mom and stepdad. My mom divorced my biological father when I was a year and half and she caught him shooting heroine between his toes (so she wouldn't see the marks). He has been fighting his addiction- and not very well- my whole life.... he has given me more reasons that I ever needed to steer clear of drugs... and alcohol for that matter.

Be honest with your kids about drugs and their effects... give your kids credit until there is reason to have concerns.

[LisaCA]

I'm not too worried about dd and drug use, but then it may be just my outlook. I feel I can do some things to prevent it, but then again, they have minds of their own.

I have to say that growing up in the 1970s I did drugs and I'm okay. my family has a history of alcohol abuse on both sides. my mom was very much against even alcohol use. she gave me a firm background against drug and alcohol abuse, but I did what I wanted. I had a goal, however, which was college, so I thought about which drugs to use and avoided those that were addictive (and in the 70s there were many that were addictive). btw, alcohol was never really that interesting to me, even with my family history. didn't like the feeling it gave me.

it's that firm base of family beliefs and goals for the future that help kids resist drugs and use them "responsibly" (not all drugs are the same). I hope dd can resist the attraction of drugs and alcohol-fingers crossed.

the fact that your kids' families abused drugs doesn't necessarily mean your child will, or will even be more susceptible. Knowing what's out there, knowing the signs of drug use, and giving your kids the strength of character to make the right decisions- that's what I'm hoping to do.

[Linny]

Be honest with your kids about drugs and their effects... give your kids credit until there is reason to have concerns. --Casey

Yep....and IF they are actually coming close to doing drugs....or ARE doing drugs...come down on them like a ton of bricks, IMO.

Too often....WAY too often, I have seen and heard first hand, how so many parents refuse to see what's really going on in their child's life. When they find those drugs...they want to 'hide' this and act like it will just go away if they 'talk' to their child enough. It seldom happens to go away with this alone.

First hand, I have seen one kid get into trouble with drugs. The parents found strange 'contraband' in the kids' possession. Immeditately, they called the local law......who spoke with the kid. They took the kid out of the public school---where their kid had been having problems of late---and put him into a private school the following school day.

The kid 'came out on top'. His attitude changed. His grades improved. He started smiling again...and he's a success today.

Had those parents simply 'poo-pooed' the situation. Had they panicked and/or tried to reason with the kid......things---more than likely---would have stayed the same.
As one parent told me....at this point (the above scenario)....the kid isn't 'talking'...the 'drugs' are...and the kid is listening to what the drugs are telling him. Period.

There's too little 'tough love' for our children these days. We want to think that ONLY using our words of love and concern will make sense to our kids and they'll 'stop the bad stuff because they love us so'. Seldom does this happen this way.

Keep your kids close. Don't be afraid to 'be old fashioned' and not 'go with what is now considered to be PC. Talk often to your kids.....but only trust where trust has been earned. Remember that they're kids....not adults. They still have growing to do...they still need direction (no matter how much they might object)....and times are tougher now to grow up, than ever before. They need rules and guidance...not TV's, nintendos, new vehicles and 'cool parents'.

Okay.....my two cents and more....

Sincerely,

Linny

[redhedded]

Stacy, I think Lisa gave great advice.

Knowing what's out there, knowing the signs of drug use, and giving your kids the strength of character to make the right decisions

I grew up in an affluent suburb that was once the suicide capital of the US; years later it was a national heroine capital/scandal. The use of drugs was extremely prevalent, even in very young grades.

My parents were wide open and honest communicators; they were unconditionally loving and supportive but had given us a strong foundation. Many of the kids, several of whom were very good friends of mine and who spiraled out of control in the high school years, did not have that. They had lots of things, traveled frequently to faraway places, drove expensive cars but had nary a person who really listened, who really spent time with them and talked to them everyday. Building a strong, open communicative trusting relationship is the best beginning to prevention.

And OW, small (rural) town drug use has been on the rise for a decade and is now, in some places, a methamphetamine epidemic.

[kune]

Suggestion from someone who has 2 adult children who came through their teens and young adulthood intact.

When my children were just starting school I attended a "Drug Information" seminar. The professionals urged parents to ensure that their children were into sports. Into open communication, spirited, and mix well with adults and children. He outlined the profile of a habitual drug taker.
[INOT A TEAM PLAYER - NOT ENERGETIC - QUIET AND WITHDRAWN - UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE - CHIP ON HIS/HER SHOULDER - DOESN'T HAVE ANY SELF-AWARENESS - LIKES TO BE ALONE - UNDERACHIEVER

He then outlined how drugs were introduced.
Usually in a dark room while a group of rowdy youths were partying in the next room - kicking up a storm.
Usually by the non-academic achievers who were 'flat' (didn't have any excitement in their life)

So...the message I took from all the above was allow your children to be gregarious and outgoing. Don't step on their spirit - celebrate who they are and not what you want them to be. Be open and honest and there to guide them. Encourage play - sport - exercise - healthy pursuits - good diet. - good grooming.

I think there are few youths who don't experiment but if you encourage good friendships, and open dialogue at home, they will know right from wrong.

How did your parents feel when you all started experimenting? Talk about it - ask them. Did coming down really hard on you change your behaviour? Did reasoning - and the constant message that drugs kill your soul? We only can parent with the information we know - so use everything you can to watch for mood changes, and differing behaviour patterns. If you have suspicions - act on them. and hope and pray that all the good values that you pass on will give them a backbone - strong enough to say No. It's a wild world we live in.

There's no guarantees in parenting- but ton's of hope and love.

Ann

[NJNative]

"When my children were just starting school I attended a "Drug Information" seminar. The professionals urged parents to ensure that their children were into sports. Into open communication, spirited, and mix well with adults and children. He outlined the profile of a habitual drug taker.
[INOT A TEAM PLAYER - NOT ENERGETIC - QUIET AND WITHDRAWN - UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE - CHIP ON HIS/HER SHOULDER - DOESN'T HAVE ANY SELF-AWARENESS - LIKES TO BE ALONE - UNDERACHIEVER"



I'm sure that they meant well when they said this, but it is SUCH a stereotype. Not everyone enjoys sports or finds them fun to play. My son is a kid like that. He played hockey for a while when he was younger, but wasn't really thrilled with it. Doesn't mean he is more likely to do drugs. He just has different interests. He is a certified scuba diver (certified at age 13), enjoys role-playing games, has attended sailing camp and science camps.

As an only child, he is quite comfortable occupying himself too. He has friends and enjoys time with them, but can happily spend an entire day at home, too.

Playing sports is no guarantee that a kid won't do drugs. And in some places, including where I live, people assume every kid MUST play sports. There are so many other things in the world you can do besides play sports. I think the key is to have interests that you enjoy. Not just sports.

[lisa in venice]

Originally Posted by kune

[INOT A TEAM PLAYER - NOT ENERGETIC - QUIET AND WITHDRAWN - UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE - CHIP ON HIS/HER SHOULDER - DOESN'T HAVE ANY SELF-AWARENESS - LIKES TO BE ALONE - UNDERACHIEVER

He then outlined how drugs were introduced.
Usually in a dark room while a group of rowdy youths were partying in the next room - kicking up a storm.
Usually by the non-academic achievers who were 'flat' (didn't have any excitement in their life)


Ann

What Ann said! It is not something I stay up at night thinking about but it is something I have built my life around. Where we live, where the kids go to school who their friends are the number of activities they are involved in all play a roll in keeping them safe. It is not just drugs, risky sex and gangs are an issue.

My oldest was drug impacted at birth and comes from a family with a serious generational addition problem. Itmay have been environmental but on the off chance it is at all genetic we started talking about the risks of even experimenting for someone with a genetic predisposition to addiction. We started talking right around the time he started school and have kept the conversation going for the past 11 years. We are vigilant about where they are and who they are with. Luckily we have parents that are the same way all around us, from our neighbors to their school friends to our church. I can't tell you how nice it is to take your kid to a party and see parents at the door (think bouncer/security) and parents in the room where the party is happening AND parents patrolling the perimeter to make sure that no one wanders off orr ends up in a room alone. At my dd's highschool it is expected that parties will be chaperoned to this extent and parents have to sign a contract saying that they will be. Our neighbors and friends from church do this anyway. It is nice to hear "boy, I thought you were strict but you know what 'bill and sara's' parents do?" To have that kind of support from other families who make a point of setting clear limits and more importantly feel free to pick up the phone and call you with any concerns about your kids.

Lastly they are busy and involved. We have enouragedthem to go out and find something they are passionate about and commited to supporting it. All are athletes (some better than others) but I suspect that we may have a couple of musicians in the future. My dd is a avery serious swimmer (synchro). We have heard over and over about how girls whom participate in sports,stay off ofdrugs, away from crime, don'tget pg,have better body images, do better in school and I can really see it with the girls on the team. They are motivated, disciplined and have to learn to manage their time but I wonder if it is cause or effect. The commitment of all of those parents that make participation in sports possible couldbe the reason for the great out comes. I see kids who are serious muscians, chess player, in scouting or many other activities staying out of trouble as well. Ithink it is having parents and other adults (Coaches, Scout leaders, Choir Masters etc) active, involved and committed to thesekids that make a huge difference. I am one of those "it takes a village" people who recognize that dh and I can't do it alone.

lisa

[redhedded]

lisa, what an excellent post!

[mckenna]

we were just talking about this at work the other day. one of my co-workers has a 10 month old and her husband wanted to research meth and start practicing how to talk to thier daughter. while he was well intentioned, unfortunatley in 13+ years there will be a "better" "flashier" drug to worry about and meth will be a thing of the past. i agree with casey and linny. they both had good advice.

i get so frustrated with my kids bgrandfather because he basically enables his daughter to continue to lead a life of distruction while leaving child after child in the dust but he has taught me one thing and that is that i will never enable my children. i will love the unconditionally but i will not condone or help support thier lifestyle if it involves drugs especially at the expense of my grandchildren!

[AdrienneG]

Honestly it was seeing crackheads in my neighborhood when crack came into urban neighborhoods in the 1980s that kept me from using it! I observed people and my school talked about drugs and how it affects the body in bio-chemical terms and how it affects your life psychologi8cally and physically. . . which is what helped me.

If you dont talk to your kids about why drugs are dangerous, they are likely to be naive enough to try it if they are curious and are thinking it wont hurt them.

[AdrienneG]

Originally Posted by kune

Suggestion from someone who has 2 adult children who came through their teens and young adulthood intact.

When my children were just starting school I attended a "Drug Information" seminar. The professionals urged parents to ensure that their children were into sports. Into open communication, spirited, and mix well with adults and children. He outlined the profile of a habitual drug taker.
[INOT A TEAM PLAYER - NOT ENERGETIC - QUIET AND WITHDRAWN - UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE - CHIP ON HIS/HER SHOULDER - DOESN'T HAVE ANY SELF-AWARENESS - LIKES TO BE ALONE - UNDERACHIEVER

He then outlined how drugs were introduced.
Usually in a dark room while a group of rowdy youths were partying in the next room - kicking up a storm.
Usually by the non-academic achievers who were 'flat' (didn't have any excitement in their life)

So...the message I took from all the above was allow your children to be gregarious and outgoing. Don't step on their spirit - celebrate who they are and not what you want them to be. Be open and honest and there to guide them. Encourage play - sport - exercise - healthy pursuits - good diet. - good grooming.

I think there are few youths who don't experiment but if you encourage good friendships, and open dialogue at home, they will know right from wrong.

How did your parents feel when you all started experimenting? Talk about it - ask them. Did coming down really hard on you change your behaviour? Did reasoning - and the constant message that drugs kill your soul? We only can parent with the information we know - so use everything you can to watch for mood changes, and differing behaviour patterns. If you have suspicions - act on them. and hope and pray that all the good values that you pass on will give them a backbone - strong enough to say No. It's a wild world we live in.

There's no guarantees in parenting- but ton's of hope and love.

Ann

I think better symptoms of drug use in children are:

Sleeping all the time
Not sleeping at all being really hyperactive, talking a mile a minute,

Pupils dilated all the time that you cant see their real eye color

Lack of interest in the very activities you know they love to do

A weird odor coming from their room

Shaving cream cans, plastic baggies, little plastic tubs and straws found in their room with aluminum foil all in one location in a stash

Having new friends who use drugs can be a red flag since it means the child is at the least around drugs..especially when they didnt normally have friends who were druggies and drinking.

A weird odor on their clothes or coming out of their pores

The child always uses breath mints and mouthwash...leave the house smelling one way, comes home smelling minty fresh when he or she didnt leave the house that way.

Eating all the time (sign of marjuana use) or not eating at all.

Rapid weight loss, jittery, sense of logic seems off compared to how you know your child is with his/her logic

Lack of interest in school, grades dropping (not always but some cases yes)

[lisa in venice]

Originally Posted by AdrienneG

Honestly it was seeing crackheads in my neighborhood when crack came into urban neighborhoods in the 1980s that kept me from using it! I observed people and my school talked about drugs and how it affects the body in bio-chemical terms and how it affects your life psychologi8cally and physically. . . which is what helped me.
.

We have some of this in our neighborhood. We live sandwiched between two VERY upscale communities each has an unoffical policy of pushing "undesirables" just over their borders every evening at sunset and into my neighborhood. That means that we get to see drug addicted prostitues walking the main drag all of the time. When the kids have asked "why is she dresssed like that?" or "why is she acting like that?" we talk about how drugs can ruin your life and the deparation it must take to have to resort to THAT to fund your habit.

lisa