[stacykelly]

I read your post.I think everyone worries over drug use.I think by communicating with the children at the right time,and letting them know the dangers of drugs might just help.I think talking at home at the dinner table and asking them how there day went.Just enstilling positive attitudes, and letting them always know you love them.Teaching them right from wrong and not to be a follower, but to stand up for their own rights and for what they believe in.I have two godsons who are 8 and 10.Around the table we already talk openly of the effects of drugs.The 10 year old is already learning this in school.Its just important to let them be aware and know what is out there.

[LisaCA]

Originally Posted by kune

Suggestion from someone who has 2 adult children who came through their teens and young adulthood intact.

When my children were just starting school I attended a "Drug Information" seminar. The professionals urged parents to ensure that their children were into sports. Into open communication, spirited, and mix well with adults and children. He outlined the profile of a habitual drug taker.
[INOT A TEAM PLAYER - NOT ENERGETIC - QUIET AND WITHDRAWN - UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE - CHIP ON HIS/HER SHOULDER - DOESN'T HAVE ANY SELF-AWARENESS - LIKES TO BE ALONE - UNDERACHIEVER

He then outlined how drugs were introduced.
Usually in a dark room while a group of rowdy youths were partying in the next room - kicking up a storm.
Usually by the non-academic achievers who were 'flat' (didn't have any excitement in their life)

So...the message I took from all the above was allow your children to be gregarious and outgoing. Don't step on their spirit - celebrate who they are and not what you want them to be. Be open and honest and there to guide them. Encourage play - sport - exercise - healthy pursuits - good diet. - good grooming.

I think there are few youths who don't experiment but if you encourage good friendships, and open dialogue at home, they will know right from wrong.

How did your parents feel when you all started experimenting? Talk about it - ask them. Did coming down really hard on you change your behaviour? Did reasoning - and the constant message that drugs kill your soul? We only can parent with the information we know - so use everything you can to watch for mood changes, and differing behaviour patterns. If you have suspicions - act on them. and hope and pray that all the good values that you pass on will give them a backbone - strong enough to say No. It's a wild world we live in.

There's no guarantees in parenting- but ton's of hope and love.

Ann

my friends and I were middle class/upper middle class, we were all college bound, ended up at ivy league, little ivies, and stanford and we did drugs. we were very social (endless activities), had fun, all had extra curriculars (sports, etc) and were busy, busy, busy, with everything including our honors classes. we had great grades and didn't let them slip.

drugs aren't just the activity of loners or underachievers. every type of kid can get into drugs or alcohol, just like every type can get involved with sexual activity, so I'm not buying this. I think it's about giving kids a good grounding and staying aware, aware that any kid can get involved in drugs-in any neighborhood too.

[melon161]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone. I'm gad I'm not the only one that worries about what's too come in the next 10-20 years. I agree that open and honest communication is a great tool. My parents were never shy about telling us about the effects of drugs and how dangerous they are. Therefore I was always too scared of doing drugs. I know that my kids aren't going to do drugs just because they have addiction in their family but I do believe genes play a part. Therefore I want to educate them as much as possible and educate myself. I agree with everyone when they said that enabling is a problem. I know that when my kids are in their teens, if I notice something strange I won't ignore it.

Stacy

P.S *Yesterday I was reading the local paper and there is a 4 week session for parents about how to keep your kids away from drugs. I've signed up already.

[BoxerLady6]

Originally Posted by FH-LisaCA

my friends and I were middle class/upper middle class, we were all college bound, ended up at ivy league, little ivies, and stanford and we did drugs. we were very social (endless activities), had fun, all had extra curriculars (sports, etc) and were busy, busy, busy, with everything including our honors classes. we had great grades and didn't let them slip.

drugs aren't just the activity of loners or underachievers. every type of kid can get into drugs or alcohol, just like every type can get involved with sexual activity, so I'm not buying this. I think it's about giving kids a good grounding and staying aware, aware that any kid can get involved in drugs-in any neighborhood too.

As a sister of a brother that went an ivy league school, I can vouch for this, in fact these kids have MORE ways to get the expensive, harder to get stuff and more options to get it.
IMO and from what he has said....this may sound crazy but these kids had EVERYTHING they ever asked for. Cars, sports, good grades, the right house, clothes, money. After you have had it all ( or what you think is everything when your 18) what is there left in life? I think many of those well to do kids turn to drugs for excitement. So by no means do I think drugs are only for loners or underachievers.

[kune]

He outlined the profile of a habitual drug taker.
[INOT A TEAM PLAYER - NOT ENERGETIC - QUIET AND WITHDRAWN - UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE - CHIP ON HIS/HER SHOULDER - DOESN'T HAVE ANY SELF-AWARENESS - LIKES TO BE ALONE - UNDERACHIEVER

Note that I said "the habitual drug taker". Not the recreational user.

There are some great posts made on this thread -
melon - I hope you find the session on drugs helpful. Your wish to know and learn before you are actually faced with a situation is commendable.
LisaCA - I understand that drugs are a part of all levels of society - but is it something you expect your child or children to "play" with when they are in their late teens or early 20's? Will you share your experience with them?
Will you advocate responsible use of drugs? Your honesty is fantastic - and I agree - saying "don't do it" is not enough to keep them safe.
Adrienne - Great post Every mother should have your list in a safe place so when/if she has suspicions, she has a checklist to refer to.
linny and Lisa in Venice - Helping your children find something they are passionate about - on or off the sports field - will make all the difference.

Ann

[taramayrn]

I grew up in an middle upper class house hold where there was little to no alcohol (and no drug) use as my dad was/is a recovering alcoholic.

I have used alcohol and have dabbled with some drugs. For me I never "let" myself get carried away with it, partly because I stuck to "light" drugs such as pot and speed. I am lucky that while I do have an addictive personality I did not get addicted to drugs or alcohol.
I also knew that my parents would be very disapointed in me if I did get myself into "trouble" with drugs and alcohol (but would support me if I did). I knew that I had talents and was kept pretty busy as a teenager with choir, girl guides, babysitting, etc.
I didn't have alot of time to hang out and be bored with my friends. I think that has alot to do with the development of drug and alcohol addictions. I know lots of kids I went to school with who weren't involved in extraciricular activities and who didn't feel their parents cared what they did, that did get into trouble with drugs and alcohol. Just a thing to do when there wasn't anything else to do.

Sorry rambled there...lol

[kune]

Good ramblings though

Ann

[LisaCA]

Originally Posted by kune

Note that I said "the habitual drug taker". Not the recreational user.

There are some great posts made on this thread -
melon - I hope you find the session on drugs helpful. Your wish to know and learn before you are actually faced with a situation is commendable.
LisaCA - I understand that drugs are a part of all levels of society - but is it something you expect your child or children to "play" with when they are in their late teens or early 20's? Will you share your experience with them?
Will you advocate responsible use of drugs? Your honesty is fantastic - and I agree - saying "don't do it" is not enough to keep them safe.
Adrienne - Great post Every mother should have your list in a safe place so when/if she has suspicions, she has a checklist to refer to.
linny and Lisa in Venice - Helping your children find something they are passionate about - on or off the sports field - will make all the difference.

Ann

Not sure how recreational we were, come to think of it. it's hard to find the line. that last summer before college it was pretty regular use, daily I'd say. weekends more sporadic. none of us have a drug problem, not sure if any are using casually now, but i probably would have heard.

not sure what I'll tell dd. I'll probably tell her the truth about what mom (and dad, though he didn't do much at all), tell her that there are many different types of drugs with all different reactions, some much worse than others, but also explain that the consequences are different now. in my day, a small amount got you a lecture and sent home-no longer. many are in prison for doing drugs on their first offense getting many years. it's an entirely different ballgame. if the consequences were this harsh back then i probably wouldn't have done it (not that I advocate the harshness of these drug laws). i didn't have sex as a teenager. the consequences of a pregnancy were just too harsh for me to risk it (i was a tad rational and thought about stuff a lot, lol).

btw i was honest with my nephew about my past drug use. he thought his aunt was "funny". he hasn't been tempted to use as far as we know.

frankly I'm more worried about early sexual behavior in kids. that scares me to death more so that drug use-my weirdness I guess.

[kune]

Lisa CA
The drugs themselves (marijuana and speed) are up to 3 times more potent today than they were in the late 80's- to late 90's. Hydroponics used for cultivating pot, increases the THC (chemical that stimulates the cellular reactions in the brains neurons) Speed today is double strength in comparison. Faster reaction, and longer response. All designed to double the dependency and of course double the $$$ made by the dealers.

Ann

[melon161]

I am compelled to say that I really don't consider any drugs "light". I just don't think drugs is a risk anyone should be willing to take. Sexual activity is scary but teenage pregnancy isn't a death sentence. I know that Aids and other diseases are so that is scary. I'm just saying that in today's world you never know what you're going to get. So your child tries a joint for the first time and it's laced with meth. Little did he/she know it was laced with meth. But Now they are hooked on Meth and have a serious drug problem. Scary Scary Scary.

I just really want to be educated enough to be able to educate my children.

Stacy

** oh and just as side note. Meth increases your sexual needs, therefore increases sexual activity and since your ability to make good choices is stoned, this sexual activity can lead to dangerous and very unsafe sex.

[taramayrn]

When I talked about my occaissional drug use of "light" drugs I didn't mean to make light (sorry word of the day) of drug use in general. I personally think that such drugs as the ones I use are considered "light" as they are less likely in the AVERAGE person to be addictive (in my experience). Hope that makes sense. However as melon stated it is a much scarier world out there with many drugs being laced with other more addictive drug.
Just to clarify I "turned out" okay - have a university degree, yes I got pregnant at 19, but considering the occassional drug and alcohol use...
Oh man such a rambly day today.

[taramayrn]

Personally I find meth and it's instant addictiveness to be much scarier than increased sexual activity. Certainly certain drugs can increase other risky activities and so it's important to educate your kids on all sorts of harm reduction strategies (eg. abstinence, safe sex, etc).

[taramayrn]

Oh lordy it sounds like I was a big druggie...ugh...

Also wanted to add that my husband has never smoked a cigarrette or tried any drug of any kind.

[LisaCA]

I'm not downplaying the potency or addictiveness of many drugs including meth, and some of the designer drugs. I'm just one of those that thinks not all drugs are equally bad. it's not a black and white for me. I don't buy the gateway drug argument and I'm not buying the blanket statement about drugs being more powerful. Some probably are, but there's no scientific data about the potency of marijuana being 3x or 10-20x (or in some reports up to 100x) stronger. the pot back in my day varied in potency just like today. but that's just a tangent. Some drugs are inherently addictive, like crack and meth. those drugs are just beyond scary and I know I wouldn't have gone near them.

for me it was pregnancy. now that things have changed (I was last on the dating market in the early 80s) I'd say that unintended pregnancies (and the subsequent need to tell my mom-that was the scary part) are overshadowed by the health risks of unprotected sex. And as far as drug use leads to risky behavior, that's often true. I was in my day, which is why my girlfriends and I were all on the buddy system. one of us stayed pretty sober, to make sure the others didn't do something we wouldn't do sober. Like the buddy system while swimming .

I suspect my daughter won't be as rational as we were (just based on her current temperment at 18 months, lol). but I hope that will accurate information, support from us, long term and short term life goals and a good sense of self, she'll make the right choices. If she doesn't she (and all of us will) have to deal with the consequences.

[kune]

FH-Taramayrun & LisaCA
No - You are not druggies... ..you are the same as most of your peers Very few haven't tried one or some of the substances. Most of my generation smoked cigarrettes and/or pot - and my parents generation abused alcohol. Victorian's inhaled snuff and took laudaunum (opiate). It's been around since Adam was a boy.

The majority escape with no consequences. The same with underage sex I guess. BUT....if we know about the problem, if we accept the dangers, and even if we indulged in it ourselves, we all want better for our children. And that's what the thread is about.

Rest easy - I welcome you and your opinions - Your honesty is priceless.

Ann