[singlemommy]

I'm looking to adopt a sibling group of two ages 1-6 through foster care. I'm hoping the younger child will be one or two. I didn't get licensed for an infant as I started a new job and won't have a lot of time to take off at placement.

I got a call today for a 3 and 5 year old. I'm just wondering if I'll be missing out on too much of the baby/toddler times if start with a 3 year old.

Can anyone share any experiences with adopting children 3 and older? I know it would be nice to miss out on diapers and a few years of daycare costs, but I'm wondering how much of the 'first years' I'll miss.

Or would anyone be willing to share pictures? I haven't been around younger children for awhile and I'm having a hard time remembering how 3-5 year old children act and play. Now whenever I see young children I want to ask the parents how old they are.

Thanks for any advice you might have.

[allanacw]

Our dd came to live with us at age 4 (close to 5). I'd be happy to share the details if it would be helpful. Feel free to pm me. We adopted her through Children's Aid, having met her through foster relief. It was a foster placement for a number months because while we had applied to adopt we had no completed our homestudy and there was some paperwork to be done in Shawntay's file.

Did I miss having a little one? Not at the time, no. She's such an awesome kid we were just thrilled to have her. I'm looking forward to having a little one, but would have been fine with anything under 3 years old.

She's now 6 and a karaoke queen, despite not being able to read. I'll post a photo, but they usually come out huge, just a warning! One day I will figure out how to crop properly!

[Linny]

Our experiences with older children adoption have not been good ones. One of the children was six, one was seven, and one had just turned three when he came. Two were placed together (sibs), one was a single adoption.
That said, I personally believe that it might be a good idea to search your heart further on this (missing out on some stuff). We didn't feel too badly about this, because we had already adopted two infants who were in their pre-teens when the older kids came. However, we eventually went back to infant adoptions, because we had felt so burned on the older aspect.

And....maybe you could visit a pre-school and/or kindergarten class to get an idea of what kids this age are like now? You will miss out on some important milestones...and unfortunately, these milestones that may have had interruptions or trauma, can be the very reasons why some children have issues as they often do. But, there are many successful adoptions of children this age (see poster above).
Still, I think it's a good idea to thoroughly think through about what you really desire in your heart. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience the newborn stuff; and nothing wrong with feeling that it's not an important thing for you.
But, it IS important that you know for yourself what is best FOR YOU.
Take your time and give yourself some room. This is a big step no matter which way you choose...and knowing what you want is one of the most important things of all.

Sincerely,

Linny

[mamaF]

does your county offer PRIDE training? We are going through this right now, and they are teaching us how to deal with children who have had a lot of loss in thier lives. They can be good kids, but you need to look at your individual referral carefully and ask a lot of questions.

Good luck!

[bjolly]

We adopted a 9 year old girl and it has been a great experience. We wish that we could have had *her* as a baby, so that she could have been spared all those years in foster care and we could have shared all those times with her. But we've never regretted getting her instead of a baby.

[NJNative]

"She's now 6 and a karaoke queen, despite not being able to read. I'll post a photo, but they usually come out huge, just a warning! One day I will figure out how to crop properly!"


And I don't think it's even POSSIBLE to be any cuter than she is. I'd lock her up til she's 40 and before the boys start hanging around.

Robin

[allanacw]

Thanks, Robin. She's the best thing that ever happened to us.

She's so striking we have strangers approach us on a regular basis. I don't think our bio children will hold a candle to her, lol.

Allana

[sgoyal]

Hello,

This is my first post, after reading so many threads full of useful information, I decided to register. I think my question is along the same lines of this thread.

My wife and I are considering adopting a 5 1/2 yr. old boy. We have 2 girls of our own, they're almost four and seven.

Bonding is our primary concern. Will it be possible for us to feel as close to this child as we do to our own? Not having gone through all the joys and pains of the early years, will it be possible to have an equal amount of love for this child? Is there any logical way to decide this or does it have to be a 'gut' feeling?

We would appreciate other parents chiming in on this who have adopted older children.