[LisaCA]

Since we have so many new folks here I thought we'd start a thread where we could list our favorite resources for adoption information. I think I read every book on the planet, lol, but some were much better than others in giving information about the adoption process and adoptive parenting. So I thought we could list our favorites, our not so favs, and why.

first, this site, adoption.com, has a ton of information, and breaks it down under headings like "getting started" and what not.

I really liked "The open adoption experience" by L. molina. it gave us a clear idea of what open adoption was about, how different people felt about it and why.

Twenty things adoptive kids wish their adoptive parents knew by sherrie eldridge. great book, I think gives the reality of kids and their experiences. great to know when your child is really young.

Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins Best. We weren't sure initially whether to adopt an older child. This book helped us know what to expect and let us see whether we were prepared for what may be. while we opted to go for a newborn (our lifestyle at that time-we both traveled extensively- made adopting a child with possible attachment issues difficult), this book is excellent for being prepared. it hasn't put us off older adoption, and I highly recommend it.

[Fran27]

Thanks! I've heard negative things on the second one though, and that it gave a negative image of adoption in general... Any feedback?

[mommy3]

My favs are The Open Adoption Handbook by B Rappaport and Dear Birthmother by K Silber. I also simply loved reading Dear Barbara, Dear Lynne by Barbara Shulgold and Lynne Sipiora; this book chronicles the letters back and forth between two waiting amoms, so eloquent and engaging (and has a good ending -- non fiction). A lot of people like The Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mom, but I think it is way too judgmental and out of date in a way; made me sad 'cause of the self-centeredness (IMHO) of the writer -- she wanted what she wanted and didn't understand adoption at times. Just my thoughts 0-- susan

[LisaCA]

Originally Posted by Fran27

Thanks! I've heard negative things on the second one though, and that it gave a negative image of adoption in general... Any feedback?

I didn't see it as a negative per se, I saw it as a reflection on the way adoption used to be done and the impact adoption pre-1990 had on children. My feeling was that most of us know the positives of adoption, but don't know enough of the negatives. I felt not knowing the negatives meant that I may inadvertently repeat them. Still, if you're looking for an upbeat positive spin on adoption, this book isn't the one. If you're like me and need to know the negatives to process the positives, this is a good book. it just shouldn't be the only book on adoption you read, imho.

[sugarbabysmommy]

To add to the list, James Gritter's In the Spirit of Open Adoption, and Lifegiver.

I'd also like to add a "coffee table" adoption book to the list, Sacred Connections. It's beautiful and moving. Every page has a story from one of the three sides of adoption, all types of adoptions, as well as photographs.

[ajjhmf]

I also think I've read a ton on the subject. But these are the two that I started with. The Adoption Resource Book is very basic, but it covers all the different types of adoption to help narrow down your choices. I also loved Adopting after Infertility as we had struggled with infertility for a few years before coming to our decision to adopt.

The Adoption Resource Book, by Lois Gilman
Adopting After Infertility, by Patricia Irwin Johnston

Once we had determined which type of adoption we wanted to ppursue (older child adoption from foster care) we turned to the following books. All are great and very useful in their own right. Adopting the Hurt Child is a hard read as it details some horrific things that happen to kids. But better to have an idea of what was coming now, rather than be surprised when it comes from my childs mouth.

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft, by Mary Hopkins-Best
Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child, by Trish Maskew
Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families With Special-Needs Kids : A Guide for Parents and Professionals, by Gregory C. Keck, Regina M. Kupecky

Blessings,
Jenny

[Fran27]

Thanks for the feedback Lisa! I definitely agree that it's important to see negative sides in something also, even if it's just to try to make up for it.

I have the open adoption book by Bruce M.Rappaport, it's the one that was given to us by my agency. It's pretty well done, my only complain is that it's maybe a bit too positive about open adoption, and isn't always realistic about the relationships between birthparents and adoptive parents (although I don't have any personal experience it's not the same impression I got from reading these forums for example).

[LisaCA]

those are great books jenny and fran-I've heard good things about them.

[Guspiv]

#1 adoption.com! It helped me so much, and the help that the forums gave goes with out saying.

When we first started the process we brought a book called "Adoption It's A Family Affair! What Relatives and Friends Must Know" by Patricia Johnston. This book was helped us formulate answers to question and it helped us with positive adoption language etc.

Adoptive Families magazine. AWESOME resources and a lot of hand outs and information for school aged children are available on the website (adoptivefamilies.com). They also offer a lot of information on adoption in the media, advocacy and all sorts of great stuff. If you don't subscribe you should, not just because my blog was featured in a story in the last issue on adoption blogs (with a great picture of Gavin in his halloween costume) toot toot.

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolf. I thought this was a great book. Jana gives and honest account of her experience adopting an African American child as a caucasian woman. Her story was very honest and touching. It made me think about some feelings that may arise becoming an adoptive mother, even though it wouldn't be as obvious that I adopted our son.

[allanacw]

The Whole Life Adoption Book by Jayne E. Schooler


Awesome, awesome book. I read it while we were just getting started and it certainly opened my eyes. Some of our workers actually took copies of pages to incorporate in trainings, as well.

Allana

[icunurse]

I am a big reader, so I'm happy to see others recommend some books that I haven't read yet- I'll be checking them out! The 3 books that I forced DH to read (as he would rather hear about the important things from me rather than read adoption books ) :
The Open Adoption Experience - Lois Melina
Raising Adopted Children - Lois Melina
Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother - Jana Wolff

The first two are great with giving information, keeping it simple. The last one I liked because it shows the insecurities and fears of an adoptive-mom-to-be and is reassuring to those new to the process that it's okay to be scared or have irrationals fears at times.

[LisaCA]

so, icunurse, exactly how did you get your dh to read those books? I'm thinking weaponry, but maybe i'm missing something. maybe it was the carrot rather than the stick- do tell. this would be quite helpful for others. I just gave up. dd came home long before he read even one of the books (he read about 15 pages of one ). so sad...

[icunurse]

Well, between veiled threats, an occasional tearful outbreak from stress (so that he could sound somewhat aware of what our SW was asking him questions about and use correct adoption terminology), and basic taunting ("oh, you can finish the book xyz, but this book is too difficult to read?!), I was able to get him to read "Raising Adopted Children". He actually really liked "Secret Thoughts...". "The Open Adoption Experience", well, he read about two pages a few years ago and now uses the excuse,"I don't need to read it, we're living it.". So that one might be a failure on my part.

[LisaCA]

kudos to you!!! sounds like us, only you were much more successful .