[timni]

My best friend lives with us. Not because she has to but because she wants to be apart of a family. She is a successful professional and today when she arrived home she was telling me about a meeting she had today about me. One of her coleagues asked if we wanted to adopt again. When she asked why they said there was an 8 month old biracial girl who was going to need a good adoptive family and the grandmother didn't want DFACS involved, (GA DFACS isn't known for their successes and a lot of people here don't have a lot of confindence in the system after a few incidences recently.)

Wow was that a mind blower. Of course with dd only 5 months old and us still paying the lawyer for her finalization we really can't. It just isn't the right timing. If it was a year from now no question but not now.

So I asked my friend if she wanted to adopt this child (this is something we have discussed at length b/c my friend was raised in the foster care system and made it out the other side) She made the comment that she lives with us how can she raise a child. That got me to thinking even more. I feel like she wants to but is afraid.

SO HERE IS MY QUESTION: Should I talk to my friend more about it and show her how she could do it, or should I respect her answer and let it go? We are so close it is scary and it is not like I feel I can't say anything to her I just know how much dd had healed my heart and life and I think my friend really has so much love to give to a child especially one who has had a rough time.

OK SECOND QUESTION: What do I do with my mind. I don't think I can just forget about this little girl. Should I try to find an adoptive family or let it go. I so want to just run and go get her tonight what ever the costs even though I know I can't.

Kind and not so kind advice is requested here. I really am in a pickle.

Thanks everyone.

[mamacrina]

Elaine...wow! What a question! I know what you mean about adopting another...when I was reading it, I was tempted myself!

I think perhaps you should have a heart to heart talk with your friend. Ask her straight out if she's afraid to want to adopt the baby because she's living with you, or because she's not ready for a child. That should tell you where she's at.

As for you...again, I can understand wanting to get this little one. Shortly after Naya came home with us, we were approached with 2 situations (of course, right?) but like you, the timing was off. If you know of some families that are still looking you could ask them if they are interested and pass on their number to the potential birthfamily and leave it at that, or recommend a private agency to them.

Please let me know what happens.

[timni]

OK UPDATE:

My friend and dh and I talked at length this am about this situation. My friend is not ready for a child now. Whether she could or not. Dh and I agreed we were not ready to add another child right now, but we couldn't stop thinking about it.......so we called the grandmother and got more details.

The baby girl is 4 mo not 8. She is currently back with her mother and the mother does want to try and parent. This made me really breathe a sigh of releif bc as we all know if she can do it it is the best. The problem is she has been going back and forth on this for the past 4 mo. And that is not good for a child OMHO. We found out the mother has 2 other children one is adopted in CA the other lives with the grandmother. The grandmother wants to have a few possibilities for aparents in place just in case the mother chooses to abandon the baby again. So DFACS wont take the child.

I have received a few pm's so I wanted to update this thread so everyone knows as of today this is not a good situation for someone looking to adopt. If it changes I will keep everyone here in mind.

Crina - Thanks for the works of encouragement. Boy, Guilt is a terrible emotion. I wanted to go rescue this child all night, but I had to remember that dd is my priority and I want her to have me and dh for a year at least before we add another child to the family. She deserves that. I really hope the mother can figure out how to parent this baby. If not I have decided I will get involved as far as I can. If only for emotional support.

[mamacrina]

If not I have decided I will get involved as far as I can. If only for emotional support.

Elaine--that sounds like the best idea of all. :0) I do hope that she can parent her child successfully.