[Momoffive1966]

Today, my family went to church as usual. The only difference was it was a new church we were visiting. After church we decided to attend a visitors lunch at a nearby pizza place. So being we liked the church, we went to lunch. At the pizza parlor our 4 1/2 year was acting up. She pushed her 6 year old bother off a chair because as she said, "I wanted to sit there". My Dh immediately escorted M out of the restaurant to discuss with her restaurant behavior....a common tactic of ours when a kiddo is acting out as we have two older child adoptions and public behavior and what is acceptable isn't always understood. So in the idea of not embarrasing our children and ourselves, we take it outside. Dh decided to go over to our car and stand in the threshold and talk to dd. As he was talking to her and holding her elbow for balance, he explained very firmly that it was not acceptable to shove J out of the chair and that the behavior was rude.
He came back into the pizza place and we ate pizza and had a nice long talk with the Pastor of the church...all fine....when suddenly a police officer comes into the area we are sitting looking around and says, "Anybody here have a silver minivan, Lic# BLAH BLAH" and I say yes sir, I do, is everything OK? He asks me about Dh and I point to D who notices by now I'm talking to the police. He comes over and questions D about our daughter...he escorts our 4 year old, my Dh and my 6 year old outside, splits the kids up from Dh and questions them. He asks D about taking M outside and tells him they recieved a call .....and I sware this really happened to me today....It was a call stating that a white male was choking and lifting a small black child off the ground by her throat next to a silver minivan.........
in the end the officer left and there was no report filed. My Dh was explaining that we had been Foster Parents for 5 years and we would never abuse the children....all six of them...that we fought so hard to have them and cherish every moment with our family. I was so scared. Not of the outcome, but the fact that one man had the power in that moment to turn my life upside down. When my daughter, age 4 came back inside the pizza parlor, I asked her if she was OK and then she asked me why the police man came...I told her her was there to make sure she was safe and just doing his job. I believe that too. I just was paralized all afternoon pondering what happened...the levity of disciplining your children in public, even if it is righteous and done correctly is risky in these times we live in. Such a strange thing to happen to us....I know now more than ever how visible our BIG HOMESCHOOLING TRANSRACIAL ADOPTIVE FAMILY is and how noticable we are.....and so grateful to have a simply incredibly wonderful husband who is a gentle and loving father in case anyone was wondering.....any thoughts on this issue????

[alwaysus]

Good Lord that would have scared the jelly out of me! I am so glad the police officer was reasonable enough to look for the truth.

[Momoffive1966]

It scared the jelly, jam and peanut butter out of me....I'm just now settling down truthfully...

[Overwhelmed!]

Momof6- What a terrifying experience! I'm so glad that it didn't end badly for your family.

Thoughts on this issue? Well, I think it was a very good that the police officer took the call serious and came to investigate, given the circumstances that they were told. I'm also glad that, in the end, he believed you and your husband when you told him what really happened. I think children need to be protected from abuse at all costs, but the thought that all it takes is a phone call from a stranger who didn't even report things correctly to have the potential to turn your family upside down is scary.

And yet, how do you explain all the thousands of parents or caretakers that DO get away with abusing their children, both physically and emotionally?! The cases of child abuse are staggering! Where were the concerned phone calls and the police investigations in all of those situations? And what about the parents that kill their children and then plead insanity? How do those things happen?

Life just doesn't make sense sometimes!

[Momoffive1966]

I agree with you wholeheartedly...it's why we adopted 3 of the 4 thru foster care....just scary being on the OTHER end of that call

[Linny]

Scarey indeed! I'm sure that your behavior with your kids was completely in line. The problem so often is, that people who have NOT adopted older children and UNDERSTAND that strict tactics, as well as defined boundaries are often what HAS to be used in order to maintain any kind of balance with them. In fact, I used to get soo irritated when people would say to us, "Ohhhh, they're doing alright (meaning the kids).......; but later on would see just how wacked out some of our kids could become! It was then that their facial expressions would change and sometimes they'd even say, "I HAD NO IDEA that your child could be that way!!! However do you LIVE with a child like THAT!"

Too bad that in this day and age---while being a concerned citizen is important and calling about suspected problems is fine.....too many people 'just assume' that any raised voice, any form of discipline thats more than 'ignoring your child'..... is automatically seen as 'abuse'.
Not saying that this is what happened to you; but I've heard about this all too often.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Momoffive1966]

Point well taken....Dh probably was raising his voice a bit too..Dd knew what she did was unspeakable in our family. We just dont hit, shove or push eachother. Big deal.

[AdrienneG]

It is illegal for a police office to question a minor without the presence of the parents...and in some states a social worker is required to be present for the questioning.

Don't you find it interesting that the report was not that a parent was choking a child but that a WHITE parent was choking a BLACK child?

If your children were White, wouldnt it be assumed they are your biological children...and we live in a world where biological parents may not get questioned on how they are disclipining their children.

I would be livid if I were you. . . because this does not seem to be standard procedure for a police officer to protect children by doing that.

You would think he would bring in a social worker or at least ask you the parents if he could question your children. Did he do the questioning at the police station or was it right there in public?

I may be reading too much into this...but I take it seriously that a police officer thinks he has the right to question someone's child without the parents there, and without the presence of a social worker.

[mommieof2cuties]

WOW! I am so sorry that happened to you! WOW! Makes you really wonder...why when the police should come to help a child they don't and when they don't need to come they do! I am so so sorry but glad everything worked out for you and your family.

God Bless,
Summer

[mom2justynsarah]

A few months ago, my sister received a phone call at work from child protective services. They were investigating a report of child abuse against her. It had been called in by someone anonymous at her son's daycare.

Well, of course my sister was shocked and extremely scared. When she came to the daycare, the police were already there. They already had a picture of her in their file.

Apparantly what happened was my nephew had been getting treated for a slew of warts on his stomache. The treatment consisted of burning them off by laser If someone didn't know this, they might possibly confuse it with cigarette burns.

My sister was livid & hurt because her son had been going to this daycare/afterschool place since he was a baby. He is now seven. She felt that the director should have at least called her first to ask about his stomache.

My sister had an investigation going on for a few weeks. They met with her son and daughter a few times. They visited the home. They called her work. They did all these things until they felt the charges were unfounded. (which they were).

The point is that ANYBODY could call in & possibly start a child abuse case against you. Nowadays these things are not taken lightly. Some people ARE investigated.

Yes, it's scary! I am sorry you had to deal with that. If it happened once, it wil probably happen again

[redribbonrose]

I wouldn't be attending that church again! More than likely it was a church member at the gathering that exagerated your husband's talk with your dd. I smell racism.

[Casey677]

Oh wow!!! What an ordeal. I am so sorry your family went through that!

Hugs!

[Nevada Jen]

Mom, I have been sitting here trying to come up with a response to your ordeal and I am finding it very hard because it really hits home for me as well.

Our AA/CC adopted son was in the hospital over Christmas and the emergency room saw fit to report us to child protective services for severe malnutrition and dehydration (we had been to the doctor the same day we checked into the hospital and he was not overly ill 11 hours before our emergency room visit). We were able to get the case closed before it was technically open but I still shudder to think that all it took was one call from a stranger to turn our lives upside down, even if it was only a short period of time.

I am sorry that you had to experience this. Wish I had some words of wisdom. I know that I just wanted one person to tell me that I had not done anything wrong. It sounds like your husband handled the situation perfectly and you did as well.

Jen

[LisaCA]

I'm sorry this happened, but the alternative is unacceptable for me. while one call can turn your life upside down, at least they investigated. I'm glad they asked the kids separately what happened. Imagine all the times cops don't take this stuff seriously and then something bad has happened. Remember the phone calls to jeffrey dahlmer's apt and he dismissed them? many lives could have been saved. Not that you guys are serial killers, but each call needs to be investigated. and in your case the process worked the way it should: call was made, they made their investigation and found out the truth.

[Momoffive1966]

I thank you all for your respinses. In that moment, it was clear we had NO CHOICE but to submit to the officer. He was polite but very stern. I am almost expecting a knock at my door this week from CPS...Fine with me, we have a lovely home and it would be a pleasure to prove my kids are healthy happy and safe. I just can't shake the feeling of the experience.

The problem is, we've been looking for a church for a year and a half and this one meets all our needs...so what to do now??? The pastor was awesome.....I don't think it was anyone from the church...that would be horrible. We have nothing to hide and will be returning to the church Wednesday night....