[Overwhelmed!]

Okay, I need some advice!

Since our 12 1/2 month old son, Jacob, got sick with his first ear infection (early December) he has been frequently waking up in the middle of the night (between 1 a.m. - 3 a.m. seems to be the prime time) crying.

While he was battling his ear infection, when he'd wake up crying, we'd get up and feed him, change his diaper, and then he'd go right back to sleep. I think this let him know that if he cried in the middle of the night, he'd get fed. Since then, this happens at least 2-3 times a week it seems. There are some evenings when he sleeps through the night just fine. While we were back in NE for the holidays, he slept almost a whole week through the night. There was only one night where he woke up at 1 a.m. wanting to eat and we fed him .

Now, this is from our child who has been sleeping through the night consistently since he was 3 months old. In the past, he's only woken up in the middle of the night if he's going through a growth spurt. Those times usually only lasted a week at most and then he'd go back to sleeping through the night. He's always been such a good little sleeper until recently.

According to our pediatrician he a) doesn't need a bottle anymore and b) doesn't need formula anymore. DH and I don't necessarily agree with this. He only weighs 18 lbs, 12 1/2 oz. at 12 1/2 months.

According to parenting books and magazines I read (i.e. What To Expect: the Toddler Years), this is a common occurrence at this age...waking up wanting to eat, even though they don't need to eat in the middle of the night. What To Expect: the Toddler Years suggests, a) give him a bottle of water, rather than milk or formula, and eventually he'll realize it's not worth waking up for or b) don't respond and let him cry himself back to sleep. We've tried both. Usually what happens is that DH caves and gets up and makes him a bottle of formula and he goes right back to sleep after draining the bottle in no time flat.

Tonight, he cried for nearly an hour and a half before crying himself back to sleep. It was agonizing listening to him cry and trying to tell ourselves that he just thinks he's hungry, he doesn't need to eat, and we're just perpetuating this "bad" habit of waking up in the middle of the night to eat if we keep giving in to him. I hate hearing my baby cry himself to sleep and probably wonder why the hell his parents aren't responding to his needs. He doesn't understand the concept of time. All he knows is that he's hungry!

Are we being idiots to try to "break" this habit by letting him cry himself to sleep or are we being weak for all the times we've given in, gotten up, and made him a bottle of formula (or milk) so that his tummy can fill up and he can go back to sleep? I just don't know what's the right thing to do! Have any of you other moms experienced this? How did you handle it? How long did it go on? Any advice would be appreciated!

What I do know is that was the longest hour and a half of my life, listening to my poor baby have to cry himself to sleep and now I can't get back to sleep!

[redhedded]

OW, you will get lots of opinions and there are some good sleep books out there. Here is the link to the other discussion.

Ot ~hellllp!

[SnoFLKDrms]

I honestly would try feeding him good right before bedtime to see if this will ease his problem of waking up in the middle of the night. You could also try putting a fresh juice bottle in his crib at night before you go to bed so if he does wake up he has a juice bottle there and may take the juice and not cry himself to sleep.

Some babies just need that suckling to help them sleep. My grandson is alot like that. He will suckle his lil lips and wake up needing the comfort of his bottle.

I would think since he is not a large baby the few times he does wake up it would not hurt just to get up and get the bottle of milk for him. Im sure that would sooth both mom and baby. Alot quicker than allowing him to cry.

I dont think this will work itself into a habbit I actually think your child will stop waking just as easily as he started waking in time.

Plus a little extra love at night for a crying baby is not such a bad thing. When they are sick they need it. Im sure your baby will work his way out of this behavior soon.

Keep the faith.

Shar

[leaabc123]

We had this problem a few times with our 20 month old over the past few months. Every time she was sick, she would need extra attention at night and then tried to carry it over into other nights.

We didn't feed her in the middle of the night though and she still was waking up.

I think he is doing it out of habit and you need to decide how much you are willing to put up with and how much sleep you want to lose.

I wouldn't give him a bottle of juice or milk to drink on his own as that can set him up for teeth problems in the future, as well as a bad habit.

Every kid is different so what works for one may not work for the next. In our case, we talked to her and told her it was time for sleep and patted her back or gave a cuddle and then left the room. She cried for the 30 minutes at the most though.

Good luck

[danhanan]

Oh, we went through that with Hannah. She got sick and in the habit of waking up for comfort and a bottle. In our case, she didn't work her way out of it, it became more and more frequent. Our pediatrician finally convinced us that the only thing we could do was to let her cry it out. The first night was definitely the longest and hardest, but each night after that got easier. It only took about 4 or 5 nights before she was sleeping through the night again.
Good luck

[alwaysus]

I have no advice, but wanted to wish you good luck! I am having these issues with Elijah ( almost 7 months old and he weighs 19 lbs!)

[sugarbabysmommy]

I have to respectfully disagree with a previous poster about the juice bottle in the crib- please don't do this. A milk, formula, or juice bottle left in the crib is not safe for the teeth and will cause decay. A bottle of water might be helpful, because maybe he is looking to be soothed by sucking not just fed. Feeding him a bottle before bed (and tooth brushing) might help too, we were still feeding babe a before bed bottle at this age- but stop giving formula or milk during the night. We have gone through various waking stages with our babe, the reasons varried so our responses varried. It's rough. Was anything different about your week away since he slept so well?

[Overwhelmed!]

Thanks for the sympathetic responses. I felt so horrible letting Jacob cry off and on that long. As I typed this OP, I was crying myself.

We tried the comforting thing off and on during the hour and half that he cried (sorry, I forgot to put that in my OP). Every time we went in to pat his back to sooth him, he just got angry that we weren't picking him up out of the crib and feeding him. It seemed to make it worse, so we finally stopped those attempts and eventually he cried himself to sleep.

This moring, he slept in a bit until 7 a.m. (he's usually up by 6-6:30 a.m.). He woke up in a good mood. He ate a decent sized breakfast, and he even later crawled up to his high chair wanting a snack. I just now laid him down for a morning nap and he didn't protest too much.

I do appreciate the suggestions. I'm not comfortable leaving a sippy cup of milk or juice in his crib (the whole teeth rot thing scares me). I have, however, thought about trying to leave a sippy cup of water in his crib in case he gets thirsty. My SIL does that with her 19 month old and he wakes up and drinks out of that throughout the night. We'll see.

It'll be interesting to see how tonight goes. Hopefully it'll be better.

Thanks again for the support!

[Overwhelmed!]

sugar baby's mama- I agree with you on the milk/formula/juice in the crib for the very reason you mentioned. There were a lot of differences about the week that he slept through the night while we were visiting relatives. The crib he slept in was in the guest room that DH and I also slept in. He was much more busy during the day playing with his cousins so maybe he was just too tired to wake up and try to eat.

He has slept through the night several times since we've been back, it's just no longer consistant. I'm not used to this and so I'm just not sure how to handle it. The letting him cry himself back to sleep method is killing me, but we held to our guns last night. We'll see how things go tonight.

[Lynard1210]

Hi there! I had to chuckle when I read your post because my baby is the same age and has not completely slept through the night yet, except for a couple weeks in July! Ok, she is totally spoiled. She gets her bottle in the middle of the night (with milk) and goes right back to sleep. I do wait, though, to see if she is going to work herself into a full blown crying fit. Many times she will settle back down by herself and then wake up at 5:00 a.m.! We used the "cry it out" on our son and it worked great, but for some reason we just can't bring ourselves to doing it yet with our daughter, except when we first put her down. Just know, that, this too will pass!

[Overwhelmed!]

Lynard1210- Thanks for your post. I'm sorry to hear you're having the same struggles with your daughter.

I do almost feel guilty about venting about this topic because Jacob has been such an easy baby and I know this is just a bump in the road. I just feel like such a horrible mother letting him cry and not going to fix his problem. But, I know that he's old enough know to not have to eat in the middle of the night and I worry that my giving in all the time is probably just making things worse. It's just a sucky position to be in! I know you understand.

[leaabc123]

does he have anything in his crib to play with and keep himself occupied? A stuffed toy, light up musical thing, etc?

Sometimes, we will hear the music box playing in our 20 month old's room in the middle of the night but not a peep out of her.

[Overwhelmed!]

leaabc123- Yes, we have toys in his crib and attached to his crib that he can play with. Actually, at nap times and sometimes before bed, he's very good about playing quietly in his crib until he can fall asleep on his own. Often times he'll throw some of his toys out of his crib (the ones that aren't attached to the rail with a link-a-doo) and then he'll go to sleep.

I honestly don't think self-entertainment or boredom is the issue here, but I do appreciate your thoughts.

[leaabc123]

Well DD has gone so far as to throw everything out of the bed, including sheets, blankets and crib liner. If she could figure out how to get the mattress out, it would be on the floor as well.

good luck whatever you try.

[redhedded]

OW, I agree that a late night bottle (or sippy cup) may help a lot; by late night I mean 11 or so. Jacob may be like B, has a huge appetite but not all at once. He is more of a small meals but many of them kinda guy, which I think is great. Maybe Jacob needs more solid food, spread out during the day. While kids diets vary not only from kid to kid but from day to day with the same day, I find B often eating 4 "meals" and two snacks.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing such a great job, mama!