[redhedded]

Can't imagine not having these precious babes. Oh I know the freedom. I spent many adult years single and fancy free, many years with dh going to night films, traveling, eating migas at 3:00 am and drinking Shiner Bock (or Guinness) and playing pool past the time that I now awaken every morning.

When I was really ready none of those things held much interest for me anymore. Now my days are filled with smiles, baby saying "yeah yeah yeah," changing poop diapers while B is trying to flip over, putting together straws for Playtex sport cup, reading, laughing, tickling, dancing my most pathetic Elaine dance, attempting to sing Opera to make babe laugh, throwing frisbee at the park, blowing bubbles with dd and talking incessantly with her about the human body, stars and planets and dinosaurs.

The first two years after dd was born, we did not go a single place without her. However, we certainly did not stay in. We had already altered our lifestyle long before for daytime activities that could, in fact, be child friendly. Why go anywhere for entertainment? She was the most interesting, entertaining, funniest person I had/have ever known. Now, there are two of those funny and entertaining babes at my house.

It is hard work, 24/7. Anyone who says it is not is lying. I have not slept more than 7 hours a night for more than 3 years but then again, I am not a big sleeper. You no longer think about getting a great hair cut/color, seeing a film as soon as it comes out (on the big screen), browsing the grocery aisles for as long as you want, reading great fiction from front to back in a day or even getting laundry done all at once. Usually you wash and might fold the next day or so or maybe not at all; just take clean unfolded clothes out of basket and wear. My computer time is limited to five minutes here and five minutes there. And forget about taking a long bath without some little person asking you to hurry so she can show you such and such.

There is not a moment in my previous life, personal or professional, that remotely compares to the awesome everyday events such as big laughs, loving hugs and the "mama I love you more than anything in the world" moments.

The self examination is good, but the worrying and uncertainty of your ability/appreciation of the changes is part of the process of becoming a parent, whether through adoption or birth. It is all a normal part of such a huge transition.

[T&T]

I couldn't help but laugh when I read your post. When we first talked of and tried to have children more than 10 years ago, Dh and I were very nervous about the changes that we expected to occur. When our daughter arrived our concerns became reality. At times it really did seem like I had thrown out my old life. No more lounging in bed, leisurely showers, long shopping trips, or quickly dashing out the door with nothing more than my keys in hand. In an instant just trying to accomplish the simpliest of things became complicated. If I could take a shower, eat breakfast, find time to use the bathroom, get A load of laundry done, and get something that resembled a dinner on the table, heck, it was a great day! The thing to keep in mind is that these changes are temporary. As your child grows, you will slowly be able to do some of thing that you use to do when you were childless. Is it a hard adjustment? Yes it can be, but it is a temporary phase. Now I look at our 6 year old and wonder where the years went, how can our baby be in 1st grade? Oddly enough now that she is older I find myself longing for those chaotic baby days.

The ironic part, the part that made me laugh when I saw your post, was that even though we are "seasoned parents" we are SOOO nervous about bringing a SECOND child into our lives! Once again we find ourselves worrying about how a baby will change our lives. Go figure! Still, even knowing that we will most likely be plunged back into sleepless nights and a chaotic lifestyle, we so want to do it again! Becoming a parent is a priceless gift. Nothing beats having your child toddle over to you, plant a big sticky wet kiss on your cheek and utter, "I lub you mom".

So try not to let your worries and fears get you down. Take comfort in knowing that a) the baby phase is temporary and amazingly short, b) if adjusting to having a child were that horrible, no one would actively seek to have a second, third, or sixth child and c) someday you will come to wonder what you were ever afraid of because you simply couldn't imagine your life without them.

Best wishes,
Tracey

[redbonec]

Everyone--

Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. It was a great relief seeing how other people had the same feelings. And survived to say they love it and would do it again! And the suggestions and encouragement were uplifting. I learned something from each of your posts that I took to heart. I was telling my husband about some of the things you all said--because we have been worrying about it. When I read your replies I felt like we were all just sitting in the same room all talking together. Thank you again--very helpful!

Michelle

[AdrienneG]

Redbonec,

Do you have an infant carrier, like a baby sling or Baby Bjorn carrier? It will free up your hands to get more things done and allow the baby to rest with you and feel secure. It has been a lifesaver, cuz how else would I cook dinner and get things cleaned up and organized with a newborn?

I wish you the best with raising children.

[redbonec]

Adrienne,

The carriers are a good idea. I will be checking into some of those. I think there was a recent thread on opinions, and I will look it.