[ilene21117]

Hi,

My name is Ilene and I'm e-mailing from Baltimore, Maryland. I found a place in California on the internet called A Loving Choice Adoptions. The women is a facilitator and she called me today after she met with a birthmother and said the birthmother wanted us to have the baby. I haven't signed anything yet or sent any money, but I was wondering if anyone has heard of her and if she is reputable? Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Ilene Goodman

[lisb3]

Hi Ilene, I recently asked about Loving Choices but did not receive any feedback. I am not sure about her. Did she offer you any past client referrals that you could contact to ask more about her? Did you call the BBB in CA? I think, at this point, if you don't receive any feedback here or on other forums, you might be at the point where you are using your gut instincts.

Congrats on the possible match - it sounds like things are going to get exciting for you! Keep us posted here, I am definitely interested in following your story using her if you do end up doing so. Best of luck!!!!

[momofmykids]

You might want to check the Adoption Scam group at Yahoo Groups. I'm not saying ths lady is a scam, but there's lots of info on that site.

[mommieof2cuties]

I second what Mom said to look, just type the name in once you join the group and read what you get

God Bless,
Summer

[ilene21117]

Thank you for your opinion. Do you know exactly how I can find adoption scam groups at yahoo. I tried, but I don't know if I'm doing it right. Thank you.
Ilene

[ilene21117]

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I have an attorney working for us in Maryland and he is going to find us an attorney in her area in California. He said you will exchange all money through your attorney, not directly to her. I'm excited, but very nervous and hoping that it is real and will work out. Fortunately, my attorney is going to check into everything before we exchange money and I told the facilitator that today and she was fine with it. I'll keep you posted.
Ilene

[ilene21117]

Thank you so much for your suggestion. I will do that next.
Ilene

[lisb3]

Ilene, just go to Yahoo, click on "groups" and type in "adoption scams." Join the one group that is titled "adoptionscams." Without saying anything good or bad, I do think you will find it informative, I just found out today after reading the suggestion here to join.... good luck and yes, please definitely have your attorney check on this for you. Best wishes!!

[tobeafamily]

Ilene,

Have you spoken yet with this expectant parent directly? Have any information on her? What does this expectant parent know about you? It doesn't sound like there's been any direct contact.

Be aware that it's not uncommon for less-than-ethical paraprofessionals to use the 'Someone's waiting for you! Send money now!' sales tactic. Not unlike tactics used by dating services "I've got your perfect match! Sign up now and you'll meet the mate of your dreams!"

So please, don't get sucked in if that's the case here. A 'connection" happens only when expectant and prospective adoptive parents commit to each other that they are making an adoption plan together.

JMHO

Regina

[mommieof2cuties]

Your getting good advice from Regina and others on here. I hope that you find the answers you need.

God Bless,
Summer

[ilene21117]

Yes the mother wants to call me and she picked us out of three other profiles. She saw our pictures and read out autobiographies. I am supposed to let the facilitator know when it's okay for the girl to contact me. So there has been more than just the facilitator. The facilitator only showed her our profile. The mother with her attorney made the decision to pick us. Thank you for your thoughts and I will keep all posted.

[tobeafamily]

Let me guess....and the expectant parent won't contact you until you pay the facilitator. Your only contact has been to the facilitator, who has told you this information.

One more question: How sure are you that you want to parent this expectant parent's child? What information have you been provided with and how can you be confident it's accurate? Has proof of pregnancy been provided? Do you have information on this woman's lifestyle, social & medical history? What is the status of the biological father?

Do you like these people? Yes, that's important, because their child will carry parts of their personality, behaviors, etc. within themselves. With one possible connection, we met not only the expectant parent but also provided some emergency child care for her son she was parenting. I didn't like the little boy, nor did he I. He wasn't a bad kid or anything, we just did not connect. And I thought then...how would another child born to her connect with me if this one doesn't? So we declined the connection.

If contact is conditioned on fee, I'd walk away, honestly (and yes, I get on a very deep level how hard that is). It's not ethical, contact should absolutely not be restrained by anyone. An ethical para-professional would not impede contact to collect a fee. This expectant parent should be free to contact you directly regardless of your fee status with the para-professional.

In almost every state (except CA) facilitators/referral services/networking services/marketing services are completely unregulated. In many states paying anyone to connect expectant and adoptive parents is illegal.

So if yours is one and someone is counseling you on how to 'get around' the law by paying a fee to someone else (like an attorney) who pays the facilitator or by disguising it as birthmother expenses or by making a 'donation' to a charity (or other tactics) understand these people do not have your best interests at heart. Going around the law can invalidate your adoption proceeding, voiding the adoption because the law has been broken. Yes, it does happen. And anyone who would do that for the sake of a fee is not ethical and should be avoided. So please, for everyone's sake, be very very very carefaul.


JMHO

Regina

[Linny]

Please be careful. There are a lot of unscrupulous facilitators and such. As Regina has mentioned, many of these are not regulated; and those that may be, are not closely regulated.
Please be careful. Pay no one any money up front; and, IMO, pay no one any money who tells you that 'the money will roll over should the placement fall through". This is your money THEY are using in the interim; and they cannot guarantee a baby for you. Why? Because generally, it is the birthparents who do the 'choosing'; and no one knows when that might be.
There are agencies and attorneys who do not ask for big money up front to adopt; and if this group is asking you to do this, please be careful and check the Yahoo group.

Sincerely,

Linny

[ilene21117]

The birthmother wants to talk to me before I exchange any money. The birthmother read our profile and saw our picture and picked us. She wants to call me, but I'm afraid to give out my home number to her. I will get more of a feel about her when I talk to her and all the medical questions will be answered by my attorney. The facilitator has not asked for any money yet and I've told her that my attorney is looking into it, will call her, and is getting us an attorney near her in California who will disburse all of the money. All of which the facilitator is fine with. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. I will keep you all posted. Also I looked her up on Yahoo adoption scams, but did not find anything.

[sugarbabysmommy]

If you are uncomfortable with giving your home number I suggest you quickly set up an 800# and give her that. This can be done through your own phone company or another, and takes little time.

It was unclear from your post, did the facilitator contact you or did you contact them? We had a number of groups, facilitators contact us at our home via our web site, both by emailing and calling. Nearly all played the give us the money and we'll give you the name of the pbmom game, or here's the contract sign and you've got the name (or names, sometimes there were a number of "pbmoms" interested in us), no money needed now- but you're gonna pay, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you'll pay, regardless of whether or not these "pbmoms" exist!