[mommieof2cuties]

From what I have been told and have seen online, adoption can happen ASAP or take years...but in the end it is worth the journey even if it is long and not short! When you look into your babies eyes for the first time it will be worth the wait!

God Bless,
Summer

[tobeafamily]

Erin,

Why not do your own personal networking and searching in addition to your agency efforts? This helps in a couple of ways:

First, it gives you the sense that you're DOING something to find your connection, not just waiting for the phone to ring.

Second, it really does help you make that connection. We made our connection through our own efforts, and out of the ten couples we're friends with through our agency only 3 connected through agency efforts.

Networking does not have to be expensive nor particularly time consuming. We did things like put signs up in our car windows and asked our friends to do the same. We had business size cards made up pretty inexpensively from a company online and left those cards in places like ATMs and public restrooms. We put an 'ad' for ourselves on our e-mail tag lines and asked our friends and family to do the same.

I've got a whole list of things we did if you'd like to see - just PM me.

Lastly, I've found that the patience I learned during the adoption process has been a valuable skill in parenting our son. Before we went through this, I was a very impatient person. Now I can wait forever for the tantrum to be done, quietly and with great love.

Hang in there.

Regina

[LisaCA]

there are many things that will speed up the process or slow it down. here are some:

1. agency activeness. Agencies work in many ways, some slowly, some quickly. If you ask the right questions, then you'll be okay. Asking here before signing will get you responses from folks that had good/bad experiences, and also ask the agency for references from folks. some wait for those walk ins, others heavily advertise (but cost more).

2. social worker. you may have a slow socialworker who takes her time with your homestudy, etc.

3. your preferences. If you want a white, healthy newborn, you will have more competition and probably a longer wait. If you expand your preferences to disregard race and gender, you'll generally be placed quicker. This is not to be done on a whim however. for those interested, please check out Pact's website on issues of adopting transracially (www.pactadopt.org).

4. randomness. there may be a bmom who looks at your file and says "that's the one" because she likes your face, the fact that you have pets or don't have them, you have no kids or other kids, etc. It's all up to the heavens.

5. your race. Dh and I are one of those with the really short wait (4.5 weeks from end of homestudy to dd's placement). Why? aside from the fact that we were the perfect family ( ), we were AA folks looking for an AA child. That put us in demand nationally (we turned down several other possible placements before dd). Can't pick your race really, so that's not something in your control. btw, before you think we're really lucky, keep in mind that there's a psychic cost to having to turn down these bmoms.

6. your status. Single people, those who are lesbian/gay, etc may wait longer for placements. Those who have many kids may also wait longer.

7. facilitators. we hired one (we live in CA where they're sort of regulated and hired a good one). They can speed up the process, but they're not legal in all states and they can be costly (though some like ours work on sliding fee scales).

8. attys. I don't have much experience with these folks, I went with an agency, but they can speed up or slow down the process like agencies. some are good, others not so good.

I'm sure there are others (feel free to add to this list folks) but it adds to the randomness. most of us feel that if we could do things over we would do them slightly differently (diff. agency, atty, whatever). the more info you have before taking that leap, the better off you'll be and the better prepared you'll be.

as I said earlier, the wait bites no matter what. It's nice to read of other placements, but truly the only one that really matters is yours. I wish you all the best.

[Maria K]

I just wanted to chime in and tell you that you're not alone. I *know* how horrible the wait can be. Our nursery is also all done. Clothes are washed and folded. Diaper bag is even packed with some essentials.
*hugs*
- Maria K

[redhedded]

Em, I am sorry. Your post was cute. I have been exactly where you are. When we began our journey 4 years ago, we thoroughly researched and chose a reputable agency. They told us that while there is no real way to predict, their experience indicated that we would not wait long because we were young, childless professionals, living in a large city. (sidenote: they also very clearly informed us of the possibility of expectant mother opting to parent post birth, before placement) The wait did not go like I had anticipated, which in my mind, was short. It plain ole sucked.

We had our nursery decorated and stocked with washed clothes, diapers, etc; I was ready to take leave from my job. We had purchased everything that we could possibly need. We were so excited, and all I could do was sit and wait. Ugh! I hated it because I like planning, preparation and some sense of control. I worked lots of overtime, kept a journal and meditated to keep my sanity.

We waited and then were matched. That failed when expectant mother opted to parent. We had another failed match before our precious daughter arrived. We evaluated our plan after the first failed match, considering international adoption from several countries before deciding to continue pursuing domestic adoption but with a new agency. We opted to leave our old agency (and money) for one that was a bit more suited to our choices.

For you, the answer might be 'networking' on your own. Whatever makes the wait easier for you, try it. Go to movies, play darts and drink Guinness at 2:00 am, eat out where they do not have a children's menu. It sounds trite; when it is right for everyone, it will happen. I wish you peace and a short wait.

[Emster]

thank you all for your fun, warm and caring responses! I know that sooner or later it will happen and I'll be a wreck when it does. Just to make everything a little more joyful (she says with sarcasm), I work in a small agency. Since I started this process there have been 7 of 23 total employees who have given birth or are about to. SEVEN!!, ALMOST 1/3!!! And can you guess who is the one people look to as the "social committee" to arrange happy thoughts, gifts and showers??? You guessed it... Fact is, I enjoy it, and hopefully the payoff is that my co workers someday will do the same for me to celebrate our new arrival, but the numbers here really are getting out of control, ya know?
Oh well, new year, time for a new attitude. I will try not to say "this is our year" regarding a baby in hopes of preserving some sanity. Perhaps it can be "our year" for some other things we can't even imagine.

Hugs to all!

[LisaCA]

i have to say you're handling this well, which is half the battle.

my sympathies being the office organizer. may you receive tons of loot at your own shower very soon!

Lisa

[sugarbabysmommy]

Your post was pretty cute and I remember all too well being where you are now. I was struck by, toward the end of our wait (took a while for me to get this), how similar everyone's profile/letter sounded. I have read many (!) and most sound the same, including mine, but every once and a while one would stand out and I'd learn that the couple had matched quickly, and I'd think "well sure they did, I wish they would adopt me too." It wasn't any one thing about them, it was the feeling from their letter, it was that their voice actually came through, much in the same way your voice came through in your first post. I hope your letter sounds like your post, because that sounds like you, your humor, your enjoyment of life, your openness- all that came through. I just wanted to throw that out there, mainly because if I could change anything about what we did it would be to really bring our voice out in our letter, I would refuse to make myself widely appealing and more vanilla to please my agency.

Good luck, and I second what others have said about the wait being a good primer for parenting, waiting taught me a lot.

[Hopp]

I just wanted to say that we are all on this forum in the same or similar boat, so you came to the right place.

We placed quickly but I want to say why. First, we got great advice from a friend here on the forum who sent me off in the right direction.

Second, we posted our profile at agencies who didn't require a contract or upfront money. In this way, we would have had 7 agencies (we interviewed LOTS across the country) that were located each in different states who would show our profile to potenital birthmoms. The first to place us would be who we contracted with. I was surprised how many agencies arre willing to do this, but you have to ask for it. So, even though you are with an agency, find out form them if you can post with others. What you will loose at this point is any $ you already put down with your current agency if another one places you first.

Third, and for us this is the biggest...we wrote a letter to all our families and friends, and attached 2 copies of our Birthmother letters (that had a color copy of a pix of us printed on it). I think we mailed out to nearly 80 family and friends, and It was worth every penny. The letter to our friends said we were interested in adopting. Enclosed we have given 2 copies of our bmom letters. One was for them to keep, and one was for them to give to someone (friend, doctor, church, etc). We went on to explain that we found that many matches were made like this. we got an amazing responsee from our friends and an even more positive one from our family. Turns out it made people feel like they were involved and helping.

Two weeks before our homestudy was even scheduled to happen, we got a call from my sister-n-law. She met a woman who was pregnant, and wanted to meet us. My SNL had posted our profile at the women's shelter she volunteers at 3 evenings a week. G had seen it and also knew who our SNL was. My snl spent a week talking with her first to make sure she was legit., and that she really understood what she was asking for with adoption. We are now matched with G and expecting our child will be born next month. Yes, it was a scramble to get our hs moved up and done fast, but it happens. We were able to find on an agency with G (I wanted her to have say with whom we contracted since she too would have to work with them) that is in her city. So far things are going smoothly.

My point is this, I couldn't sit back and wait for the agency to do it all. I was nervous and wanted to be very active in our match. I know plenty of women both here on this forum and friends who didn't do what we did, and still placed relativly quickly. I've also met people who waited years. I just was antsy and couldn't contain myself. I'm glad I did.

Talk to your agency. Find out if you can post your profile with others (that is if you have a contract with them), and find out if they will still handle you if you come to them with the match. It may make them show you more.