[pinkheart]

I wanted to know when we should start talking to our infant about being adopted. I have purchased a few books but hubby says to wait intil babe is older. Any advice from parents regarding when and at what age to start ????

[momofmykids]

NOW! When talking to her, tell her how thankful you are for her birthmommy and how much her birthmommy loves her. It's never too early.

Congrats on the new baby!

[Southernroots]

Men! I suggest that you go to Marlou Russell's website and read her article on telling children about adoption. Show it to your husband too - the sooner the better to talk about adoption. It shouldn't be something to wait and then suddenly have a dramatic talk about. It should just always be a fact of your child's life. There are also some other pertinent articles too that might be helpful for you. She also talks about the best types of books.

[Emster]

I agree on this one--you can never start too early making it a normal, natural part of your conversations. Then it will be more comfortable to talk about the details later and you child will not be afraid to ask questions, make comments for fear of disturbing the peace. While you're rocking your babe and singing lullabyes, whisper the sweet story of how they came to be with you--that story can be reinforced in a lifebook, and other story books as well.

[pinkheart]

Thanks for the advice I will check out that web site. We do talk to babe about birthparnts and that we are so lucky and when we talk to birthmom . I just don't want babe to be shocked over the years so I wanted to see if a lot of people read some of the wonderful stories about adoption to their babies at a young . Thanks for the advice I'm new at this and I want to hear from moms that have been thru this .

[Southernroots]

A Place in My Heart,
by Mary Grossnickle

This is a new book about adoption for children. It is written by an adoptee and I think it is much better than many adoption books for children. If you would like the link to purchase it or want to know more about it, let me know.

P.S. Your child is lucky that you care enough to educate yourself - it's a wonderful gift for her/him (sorry, forgot)!

[AwaitingBeloved]

Southern, could you post the link or PM me? I'd love to get that book.

Thank you!

[AwaitingBeloved]

ooh! I found it when I googled it, looks so cute. Thanks for the title and author!!!

[ourdreamcametru]

We brought our daughter home from the hospital. We have a picture of both her birth parents in her room and talk openly about adoption, call them by their first names when looking at the pictures. Now 19 months old, she is really into babies and loves her dolls. For Christmas she got twins and we talk about them being adopted so that she knows that this is not a bad thing and feels comfortable to talk about it openly if she want with us. I believe that the sooner the better.

[SchmennaLeigh]

In the hospital.

My picture with my birthdaughter sits beside her bed, before that, her crib. If it's never a taboo subject or a sudden surprise then it's just always "the norm."

[LisaCA]

as everyone has stated, the earlier the better. the more you all talk about it, the more comfortable you'll be with the subject. it's just one more way to make a family. we started with dd the moment she was placed with us. we also got a small photo album, like a small paperback with pictures of most of the relatives (including extended bfamilies) and it's her favorite book. we look through it at least once a day, point out the names of everyone (in each photo dd's in the arms of the relative) and hopefully it will reinforce just how many people truly care about her. we have pictures of bfamily in her bedroom and a stack of books about adoption and the diversity among families.

another link about adoption and talking to kids of all ages:

http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/talking.html

[momofmykids]

Another good adoption book is "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis (the actress). She has two adopted children and this is a great book!

[jillned]

We actually keep a stack of childrens adoption story books on our coffee table. This was especially great over the holidays because we had more company than usual and several times I caught kids or parents and kids reading them. It kinda offers some insight to other kids about adoption. Santa also brought our son a Cabbage Pach Kid that looks like him and everyone knows that CPK's are adopted as well! I think if it's always out there from the beginning it will be easier to talk about later.

[Bassette]

I've been reading adoption storybooks to my son since he came home at 5 months old. Once in a while, every 6 months or so, I get out a pic of his birthmother and tell him his story. I don't want adoption to come down as a big boom at any point. I just want the knowledge to always be there. Who knows when he will *get it* but this hopefully will curb the boom.

[pinkheart]

All of the info is great but what if the birthmom dosen't want the baby to know her as a birthmom. At least this stage in birthmom life she doesnot want baby to know her as her birthmom . She calls herself her cousin. I don't want to angry birthmom and i never want to lie either to baby. I will talk to birthmom at some pt. to just call her by her first name not cousin" ",,So when I'm telling baby about birthmom I will tell her she loved her very much and was not able to parent her at that stage in her life and she loves you very much. I would love to have a picture of birthmom is room but I have to respect birthmom.