[Poolside]

We've had a crazy few weeks here. Just wanted to reach out for thoughts and prayers from this group that understands the complexitites of adoption and overwhelming difficulties of placement. Our DD's Birthmother is scheduled to deliver her second child ( a daughter) on Monday the 12th, ready or not as they say. My heart is breaking for her as her heart and mind are each giving her different guidence. She has not gone to councelling, and has been overwhelmed with the pregnancy for months. She's experienced all all the emotions imaginable, sometimes concurrently. She was hoping the father would not go to jail, then she was hoping he would get out, then she was hoping he wouldn't go back to his wife, then she was hoping he would go back to jail.. it's just aweful. Anyway.. She has recently contacted her coucellor and said she wanted to place with us. The next day she said, no she wanted move to a new place where she would parent, then she called back, and said no she really did need to make an adoption plan. We are out of the communication loop at this point. All contact with her is temporarily suspended at our request, and the agencies concurrance. If she does not decide to parent or changes her mind in the coming weeks, we've asked for a host family to care for the baby until the revocation period has expired, and our lawyer can determine the fathers rights given his situation. We have a 21month old that we do not want to confuse with a baby here then not, then back KWIM? Anyway, It's been stressful for everyone involved. Bmom is incapable of taking care of herself most days, so this situation is kind of scary, but we have chosen to stay engaged for the sake of the girls. More to follow..

[MrsSmith]

((((Poolside)))),

Thoughts and prayers are with you and the family and your DD's bmom as she goes through the birth of the new baby and decides what is best for them.

It must be extra-tough to have this all happening at holiday time, too.

Hang in there and please keep us posted on how things work out -

hugs,
Heather

[Guspiv]

My suggestion, is that you do what you are doing. Let the agency handle it and not communicate with her since she is so up in the air right now. That is a very respectful way of acknowledging that it is a hard decision.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know this must be very hard for you as well.

[Nevada Jen]

You really are handling it perfectly from your end. You have been given great, responsible advice from your agency. Your post is quick to acknowledge how hard this is for her but it must be extremely hard for you as well. Take comfort in the fact that you will have answers soon. What is the revocation period in your state?

No one likes to think of their baby in temporary foster care, but I have to say, that I am quite confident that our DS got better care in foster care than he did from us in the first few days (the parents were extremely experienced with babies under a week old). And they loved him dearly even though it was for less than a day.

Jen

[MMC66]

Wow, I'm sure this all is in the back of your mind every minute but you are doing everything right from what you have said. Focus on your beautiful family.

All the Best,
Martha

[lmrod55]

Wow - I think you are handling the situation with so much strength and grace. I will be sending positive thoughts your way.

[LisaCA]

your dd's bmom knows that you guys are there, and that's good for her. now she can go on and make the best decision for her and her child, and the same with pbdad. all of you are in my thoughts,

Lisa

[Poolside]

Thank you all. It is emotional for everyone. I left her place the other day and cried all the way home. Then I pulled myself back together and I wear my brave and logical hat most of the time. The revocation period is only 10-days here. It will likely take several days before she would go before a judge, too. Considering she(babe) will arrive three weeks early maybe some of those days will be in the hospital where we could see her (?). We are already talking about logistics if she is with another family. I'm sure they will let us come see her and maybe will bring her here if it is stretching over Christmas. For now, we just wait. It is on on minds all the time, though.

[Poolside]

Hi All: Baby girl was born on Friday the 16th. It's been a ridiculous few days. Considered full term and a healthy weight of 6lbs. She is quite precious. I went to the hospital and saw her through the nursery window. The plan was for her to be "rooming" with J but that did not happen at J's request. The nurses have been feeding her and taking care of her since birth. J had contacted us on Friday morning and stated that she was going to trial run parenting but would contact the agency and us if she felt it was too much. Fast forward to this morning, she is being released without custody of the baby. DCS is involved, as is the hospital social worker. Tox screens just came in positive for illegal drugs which were likely used within 72 hours of the scheduled c-section. Baby girl will go to a local foster family this afternoon. If J signs off on the adoption plan, we will take custody of her only after she goes before a judge. Maybe this week, next, who knows. All weekend.. no wait, for four months, I have been worried about "poor J" being all alone and worried about parenting. I was sad thinking about how lonely she would be if she made an adoption plan, and how recovering from the surgery would be difficult without help. I have spent many many hours praying for her and this child to be safe. BLECH !!! I am so mad. I don't know what it is like to have addictions but I get ill at the thought of her in a crack house 9 months pregnant three days before delivery. At least my worry for her is off my heart and I can focus on the baby.

Now: If I can figure out a way to get all our newborn stuff back from her..

[Nevada Jen]

Well, first, congrats to someone. I hope that person is you. It is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Pissed at her for doing this to her daughter. I am sure she will give back the newborn stuff if she signs the adoption plan. If not, just ask nicely if you can "borrow" various things you gave her that you do not want to replace.

A little unsolicited advice: Make sure the state knows that you are parenting the childs sibling. You have a great agency, so I bet that has already been done

Jen

[Casey677]

Welcome to the world, baby girl!!! Well, I am very happy that your dd's sister has arrived, is healthy, and is being taken care of. I really hope that she is meant to be yours and that the girls are able to be raised together.

I know that you are an emotional mess. Hang in there!

[LisaCA]

wow, glad she's here! I hope everything goes well,

Lisa

[redhedded]

Oh My! Poolside, So sorry for that precious babe. Glad that she is here and doing well. Will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us updated.

[lmrod55]

Wow poolside - what an emotional time for all involved. I will send prayers that the baby girl continues to do well and is well taken care of.

keep us posted! - ld

[momofmykids]

Poolside,
Just checking to see if there was any news. I've been in your situation recently. I, too, live in TN.