[watermelon0719]

Hi everyone! DH and I are still trying to decide among the different avenues of adoption available to us. I have a question for people who have adopted in the past - will we regret it if we adopt a child who is about 10-12 months old? I mean, I know no matter what age of child we adopt, we're going to love him/her unconditionally, but since we'll miss all the 'firsts' (first words, first time he/she rolls over, etc) will that be hard to deal with versus adopting a newborn and watching him/her grow from the beginning? Any thoughts on this? Thanks!

[jtraut28]

We adopted an 18 month old and I had many of the same feelings that you are having. I was worried about "regretting" the decision and continually "grieving" our losses, such as missing all of those firsts. Fast forward...every day with my child is a new experience. She is the funniest, sweetest, most charming, loving adorable kid. The only regret I have is that I haven't known her longer...but the fact that she'll be with me for the rest of her life truly makes up for it. Everything is a first for us. This is her "first" real holiday season, her "first" birthday party etc... It's definitely a personal decision, but definitely not one that I regret. Tots are way too fun! Good luck!!

[myccg2004]

We adopted our son when he was almost 11 months old.
I had a few doubts at first also due to missing those precious infant moments. BUT, I have to say I would do it again in a second. His first night home he slept 10 hours ! He took 2 naps a day right from the start ( he is 2 1/2 now and suddenly fighting his 1 nap per day !) I know sleep isn't everything, however, it does help to be refreshed and energized when going through the adjustment period of an adoption. I did feel sad about missing his firsts though. And I always imagine how he was as an infant. His first smile, his first baby words, his first rolling over or just sitting up. But when at about 15 months he started calling me mama, I just melted and the rest was history. I have to mention 1 thing that we experienced with our son. He did not have very much attention as an infant. I'm not saying he was neglected because he definitely wasn't. His birthparents had a few other small children at the time and there just wasn't an emotional attachment to him. (Their words exactly). Given his past it took him awhile to really warm up to us but when he did, it was unbelievable. He is a wonderful, outgoing, loving little boy. He hugs and kisses everyone and everything!! While I know it's not possible for everyone, I quit work to stay at home with him full time. It was tough for us at first but I believe that made a huge difference with him. Good luck with your adoption journey. It's worth every minute of it !

[Casey677]

Hi! We were open to adopting a newborn - 2 years old. It wasn't important to me to experience parenthood from day 1, but was to dh. For his sake especially I am glad that dd was placed in our arms at 12 hours old. It really is a personal decision - it's very important to some and not so important to others. Only you will know if you will feel like you have "missed out" or not. When we adopt again, we will be open to a range of ages, but want to keep dd as the oldest.

Casey

[crick]

While you might have some regrets about those "first milestones", it does help to change your perspective a little and remember that you will get the firsts....just differently.

The first time they say mom or dad, the first steps they take into your arms, the first time they snuggle with you, first time you feed them, etc. You'll have all the firsts, and in my opinion, much more important ones because they'll be firsts for YOU and everything will be about the family...not just an action to record in a book.

I'm not discounting the joys of the early firsts, just saying that you will have so many firsts with them and they'll mean just as much if not more.

[karenw]

Our oldest (now 16 yrs) was adopted at age 5. I sometimes regret not seeing his firsts, but I am more saddened by not having pictures of his first mom.
He loves to hear his "birth story" into our family. When we first met him, how we picked him, and his first outing with us where he unrolled a whole roll of toilet paper in the locked stall of a public restroom and then refused to wear a coat on a Chicago winter day. For him and our family, these are the experiences that mark special moments in our journey together.

[LisaCA]

hi,

dh and I wrestled with the age issue at the beginning too. What helped us was reading "Toddler Adoption" by mary hopkins-best. It gave us some things to think about, revealing the positives and negatives, etc. Since we had no kids and we were pretty clueless, we decided that a newborn was right for us. Turns out we enjoyed the early development, not so much the milestones but watching her enjoying life and learning everything. Not sure what we'll do for adoption number two, though dh has issues with foster-adoption (mostly because he fears the removal of a child). Anyway, I recommend reading the book.