[Peace]

Hello everyone!

This Thanksgiving week, I am soooo grateful for my daughter's birthparents. Words could never say how much. I wanted to post my thoughts about her and then realized that there are many others on these boards who feel the same way about their children's birthparents.

For that reason, I decided to make a new thread where we could post our stories. There are so many birthparents who are probably struggling through their first holidays without their children. Maybe this will help them know how much they are loved, appreciated and remembered. For our family, our daughter's birthmother is forever in our hearts and in our prayers.

So, please take a minute to post your thanks to your child's birthparents, if you feel comfortable doing so. I know that if I had to count my blessings this Thanksgiving, our daughter's birthmother would be at the top of the list!

Here is our story:

Our first daughter died of severe birth defects. We found out at the five month ultrasound that she would not live past birth. We carried her for four months, not knowing which day she would die. We were blessed to carry her to term and hold her eight minutes before she peacefully returned to her Father in Heaven in her daddy's arms.

We had a close friend sing at our daughter's funeral. Just two weeks later, through prayer, we knew that our next child would come through adoption. At the time, it wasn't an easy feeling. We had just lost a child and were in such grief. To feel like there was another child "missing" from our home, too, made us feel that loss, too. As we started the healing process, we began to search for this next child God had promised to send. Little did we know that that very same week, our friend's sister (the friend who sang at our daughter's funeral) woke up in the middle of the night and realized she was expecting.

During the months that followed, we each began our search to find each other. Just five months later, we were brought together by the friend who sang at our daughter's funeral and by the hand of the Lord.

It was love at first sight. It was three years ago this weekend that we actually met her for the first time. Since that day, she has been one of the most precious people in my life. She is the sister I never had. We love her with our whole hearts. Because we had lost a child, we felt we could somewhat relate to the feelings of pain and grief she had when she said goodbye to our daughter.

While our experience was not exactly the same, we had personally experienced how much you can love a child you do not get to raise. We knew the feeling of leaving the hospital with empty arms. Because I would never want another soul to go through those same things, it brought me to my knees in humility as I watched our daughter's birthmother willingly take upon that pain for herself to sacrifice for her child. She had a dream for her and loved her with a true mother's love. She gave everything, including her own broken heart, so her daughter could have all that she wanted for her.

Never have we seen such courage and love as we saw in her the day she allowed us to become J's parents. She continues to be a blessing in our lives. We share a special connection. Out of all my children, my daughter is the only one adopted and it is so much fun for me to have another woman in the world who gets as excited as I do over the cute pictures, the funny stories, and the wonderful milestones. When I get to heaven, I will truly wash her feet with my tears. She means the world to me. I am so thankful for all the women like her who, at great personal sacrifice, are willing to go through so much to give their children the lives they want them to have. Every child should be loved that much whether they are adopted or not.

There is so much more I could say, but I know this is getting long. I want to "open this thread" to any other adoptive parent who wants to recognize their child's birthparents with love and gratitude this Thanksgiving week.

I know that Heavenly Father picked my daughter's birthmother and I to "tag team" together to bless her life. She lovingly carried her, gave her life, and then gave her a family, at great, great personal sacrifice to her. I will now raise her, adore her, and love her, too. If I can do my job as well as my daughter's birthmother did hers, I will consider myself a success as a mother. Someday, we will all join again in Heaven and I will forever thank my daughter's birthmother for allowing me the privilege of sharing this sacred role with her. Out of all the world, there is no one else I'd rather partner with than her.

To my daughter's birthmom: Words will never express how much I love you! Every time I see our daughter's face and hear her beautiful voice, I think of you. And, each time I hug her and kiss her, I am also hugging part of you. The gratitude I carry for you is more than my heart can bear. This Thanksgiving, I want you to know that I promise to love and adore her with everything I have - thank you for all you gave to allow me to be her mother, too!

Lots of love!

[jtraut28]

Gulp. That was truly touching and inspiring. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.

[SadieAnn]

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your loss and also so happy for your joy!

Although I have never carried a child through pregnancy, I can relate to losing a child I loved. Our first adoption attempt we parented a baby from day 1 until he was 5 wks old. Then emotional trajedy struck us when bdad changed his mind about placing. To have him taken from our lives was devestating. But we tried to be strong and learn what we could from the experience.

Months later we brought home our son as a newborn (he is 7 mos old now). The previous experience gave me a better understanding of what his bmom must be going through in placing her child with us. Although I would never claim to fully understand her experience, I did know the feeling of being separated from a baby you love. I think it made us better adoptive parents in our relationship with our son's bmom.

We are also very grateful for our son's bparents. Through their decision we are parents! We thank God everyday for bringing all of us together.

[Casey677]

Hi, Peace! Your story is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I am sitting here typing with tears running down my cheeks. I don't know what is wrong with me today, but I am a blubbering mess. Ok, let me get my thoughts together so I can also share my story.

I had one phone call with my daughters bmom, M, during the middle of June. I thought the call went very well. I felt an instant connection with her. She also thought we had a connection and let me know that we were the couple she wanted, but for some reason, our facilitator didn't officially "match" us. We got a phone call on 6/22 from the facilitator that she was in labor. The dr was going to do a test in the morning to see if dd's lungs were developed and if they were, there would be a c-section on 6/23 (dd wasn't due until 7/20). We talked to M and let her know that if there was a c-section we would be there. We found out the next evening that her lungs were fine and they were going to do the c-section right then. We got on the first flight we could the following morning, 6/24.

When we first arrived at the hospital, we had to talk to the hospital's social worker briefly and then she took us in to meet M. Wow! Even though she was tired and sore, she looked so very beautiful to me. We sat there and chatted with her and got to know her better. After a while, she took us to the NICU to meet dd. Standing over the most beautiful baby in the world for the first time, with her bmom right there with me was amazing. I wasn't sure who I wanted to hug more, dd or M. I just stood there with tears streaming down my face. We spent the next 4 days going back and forth between the NICU and M's room. I just wanted to spend so much time with her, taking pictures, talking, laughing.... forming a friendship. M is such an incredible person. She knew what she wanted for Hanna and she never waivered. I have never in my life met someone with more strength than her. It is wonderful to know that there is someone else who loves my dd as much as dh and I do.

Right now we only communicate with M through pictures and letters. I am hoping that as time starts to heal that our adoption will become more open. I know her heart is hurting her and it pains me so much to know that my greatest joy is her biggest saddness. We did receive a beautiful letter from her that I know one day Hanna will treasure. I hope that she sends us more. I always want her to be a part of our lives.

M, we hope that you are preparing for a happy holiday season with your family. You are constantly in our thoughts and we talk about you each and every day to Hanna. We show her the pictures that we have of you two together and we always make sure to tell her how much you love her. Her night time ritual always includes a hug and a kiss from you. We love Hanna with all of our hearts and will always strive to be the best parents that we can be, not just for Hanna, but so that your dreams for her come true.

We love you!
Casey, dh, and Hanna

[Peace]

Thank you Sadie Ann and Casey for posting!

Sadie - you are so right. No one can ever fully understand the loss that a birthparent goes through unless they have been there. Birthparents are truly courageous in being willing to sacrifice so much for the children they love so dearly.

Casey - Thank you for adding your story. Now you have me fighting the tears. I had never heard the story of you meeting M in the hospital. Your thoughts, as always, are so beautiful. I hope that some of the birthmothers who post on this board get to see these stories and that it helps someone get through the holidays.

Adoptive parents, please keep posting so that we can have a long, wonderful thread, of stories of gratitude and love for the very special birthparents in our lives.