[LisaCA]

hi guys,

question about finalization. we have a scheduled court date, and, insha'allah, it will all be over. As most of you know, we did an agency adoption using a facilitator. I'm just wondering whether dd's family will be notified of the upcoming court date, next friday, by either my agency or bmom's agency. We'd like to have them notified, but are not sure that we're the ones to mention it to bmom. we're also feeling a bit awkward because the court date is very nearly the same day as bmom's birthday. are they notified before of the court date, or after the finalization has taken place?

we have a close relationship with dd's bmom's family, though slightly closer with her parents than with her (she's young, so talking to teens is always "fun", but we talk to her and send almost all photos and stuff directly to bmom). We know dd's bgrandparents love dd to death and may be feeling some things about this finalization too. anyway, we're just looking for some help with presenting this to her bmom and bdad, if they're not being notified thru their agency.

and I'm assuming bdad will not be notified because he came forward after his rights had been terminated legally, or is that not true? the lawyer and everyone knows his address and phone.

thanks for the advice: it's a holiday and I know everyone is off until at least monday.

thanks,

Lisa

[mommy3]

Lisa -- First, congratulations on your finalization! From my experience, bparents aren't notified, because they've already relinquished. We realized we needed to be the ones to notify, if our ds's bparents wanted to know, and they had said they really didn't need to know. I do believe you'll need to tell your child's bparents if you want them to know about your court date. Have a wonderful day, susan

[LisaCA]

so if they're not notified, I'm wondering if I even need to. it may be a big deal to us, but I'm not sure of the positives in telling them, esp given the closeness of the date to bmom's bday.

[SavannahGirl]

Lisa,

In the information provided to me by the agency, it states that one of my dd's bmom requests was to receive notification from the agency of the finalization. So it may depend on the agency or what the bmom requests.

[MajaHedman]

We didn't know our son's adoption was finalized until his mom mentioned it one day. I guess I really didn't care if I knew one way or the other. It was a pretty painful thought for me, almost as bad as remembering TPR day to be honest and TPR was pretty horrible for me, I cried through the whole thing.

[joskimo]

In the state we adopted from , Kansas, the bmom was not notified because she relinquished. The bfather was because he hadn't and it was his opportunity to appear. Ours is a semi- so we don't have the same level of communication you have, however I never mentioned it in my letters

[tobeafamily]

Lisa,

No one was required to notify Ryan's bfamily regarding finalization date. We notified them, primarily because we were traveling to TX where they live to finalize and wanted to see them during the trip.

Regina

[SchmennaLeigh]

Lisa,

The lovely "agency" (or facilitator or whatever they are calling themselves these days) did NOT inform me of finalization. J and D did themselves, which makes the most sense, really, since we are so open in our communication. I received no notice from the "agency" or the "lawyer" in our adoption.

[sneezyone]

I don't think agencies or lawyers are under any obligation to inform bparents of finalization when their rights have already been terminated/surrendered. We did it out of courtesy and to see if DD's bmom wanted to meet while we were in town but finalization is typically a formality, not an opportunity to contest. It makes sense that only those parties whose presence is required, namely the attorney, the child and the aparents, are notified.

[BrandyHagz]

I was also not notified by the agency regarding finalization, however, M's parents kept me very informed of everything and invited me to travel with them to the county where they were required to finalize several hours away. I did go, but because I was not considered "immediate family" I was not allowed in the proceedings and had to wait in the hallway.

We went out afterwards and had a nice meal and did some sight seeing – since the county where they finalized (which I still cant wrap my head around, since conception, birth and placement took place in another county several hours away) is known for its historical significance, scenic riverfront and outside market.

[LisaCA]

maybe I should notify them, but I'll wait until afterward, maybe early december, so it doesn't put a downer on her birthday. I know she's really excited about this bday and is making big plans. Since we're finalizing in CA rather than IL, they can't easily attend the event. I feel they should know, but I hate that it's around the holidays. I'd change the date if I could, but since we've already delayed it more months than I care to mention. I don't want to keep it from them, but I don't want to casually drop an emotional bomb on them either.

brandy, how sad that you weren't allowed into the proceedings, esp. since you are family! we're allowed to bring a few family and friends with us, but I think we'll probably go solo.

thanks for the info guys!

Lisa

[taramayrn]

Lisa,
Congratulations of your finalization! You know I'm from Canada and so things probably are a bit different, but we were notified of the finalization and attended it with my son and his family. I was actually served with the legal documents for Thomas' parents' petition to adopt and notified of the hearing.

[icunurse]

As others have said, our agency didn't notify birthfamily, as they had already relinquished their rights. We did mention it to DS's bmom when we found out the adoption was finalized. She kept herself well-informed about that stuff and, for her, she felt better that everything was "final" for *us*. She didn't have to worry even a little anymore that anything could/would happen to DS's placement with us.

BTW- congrats!