[LRA]

ok I have to vent somewhere or I may explode. I just got back from taking dd to bus stop. We have a really fun neighborhood and get together alot. That being said, my next door neighbor just handed out birthday party invitations at the bus stop. Guess who did not get one???? Guess who constantly invites the neighbor children (all 3) to her parties. I could give a rat's ... about her being invited, but the look on her face. This is not the first time this has happened. A bunch of families from the neighborhood just got home this past weekend from taking a Disney Cruise. We were specifically excluded because the neighbor children wanted to have dd's best friend to themselves (someone else's words not mine). OH I just want to move!!!!! Y'all know how it is? Mess with me all you want but don't mess with my kid!!!!grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I know I am being petty but I cannot get the devastated look on my dd's face out of my mind. I mean don't invite her, fine...but don't hand out the invitations in front of her!!!

OK I am off to expend some energy but taking my frustrations out on the washing machine.

tish

[kllee4]

Oh, man. I am so sorry that happened. That's just awful. As adults, you would think that they would understand HOW to handle things without having to hurt a child's feelings. That's just plain stupid and wrong. In a way, I can understand that there may be certain children that they may not want to invite (I have been on both ends) but most of the time, even if there's a reason they believe it's best, that's still no reason to blatantly reject one child over another. Poor thing. I hope things go well this afternoon when she gets home from school. Maybe you two can go get a treat or something, but I would certainly look for clues to see if she is feeling sad over it. Maybe even mention it casually. That's just awful. Makes you wanna hit something!!!!!!!

[LRA]

Makes you wanna hit something!!!!!!! or someone
but with dh being a cop...might cause some problems...

When I saw what was going on I went over and hugged and kissed her and whispered in her ear..we'll talk later don't let it bother you. Kinda hard when her best friend is standing there reading her invitation........agh. I will do something special with her. I have been trying to give her extra time and such since we are waiting for our new dd to come and this dd is feeling a little worried that pbm will decide to parent. 8 years old but she is very very sensitive and empathetic.

thanks for listening
tish

[BlueMommy]

I am so sorry. It is really hurtful, I know.

For us it is important to keep the total number reasonable, so we can only invite so many from ds's class. To avoid any hurt feelings, what I do is send the invitations to his teacher and I send a note and ask her to please put them into their backpacks/folders as not to draw attention to the delivery of invitations to only a few friends.

It has worked for us. Not much help for you, but maybe a way that others can be tactful.

[meimaemomma]

Was it the grown-up neighbor (mom) or the neighbor child? In either case I would probably speak with mom: I'm sure you wouldn't intentionally hurt my child's feelings by passing out invitations in front of her . . . It isn't at all a matter of not being invited but of not being invited in front of other children.
My mom raised me not to give a couple of kids candy (or whatever) unless I had enough for everyone. The same applies here. She could easily have delivered the invitations more discreetly.
So sorry dd is hurt.

[redhedded]

Ugh! Oh, I am so so sorry for your daughter. You know this really is not about whether or not she was invited or even whether or not it hurt her feelings. That was just plain poor judgment, which exhibited bad manners. Shouldn't mothers know better than this and guide their children to follow suit.

You have to decide to let it go or say something. I would be inclined to kindly and with a smile pull her aside and state that you KNOW she did not intentionally hurt your dd's feelings, but that invitations are most appropriately mailed or handed out with subtlety. Maybe mom will recognize the error of her ways and provide an invitation saying that she was sorry for the mishap. Most of all don't be angry and resentful, that will only affect you and make your daughter sad! Have a great day!

[mamacrina]

Hey Tish!
Great replies already, but I just wanted to lend you some more support...and some giggles. You have to realize that this statement was pretty funny:

but with dh being a cop...might cause some problems...

Many hugs!

[Casey677]

(((((hugs)))))) I hate how kids do that!!! And I REALLY hate that their parents let them. UGH!!!

((((hugs))))) for your dd!!

Casey

[LRA]

thank you all for all of the great replies.

It was the MOM doing the handing out, that is what made it so bad. A kid has an excuse for bad judgement, not knowing better or whatever but an adult????????

I do understand about limiting the number of guests and I guess it would not be so bad if I did not have all 3 of her children here on about a weekly basis and I have to lock up my dogs(her kids are scared of them and I have 3) or worry because they are allergic to cats and we foster for the humane society so right now I have 9 cats. I am always stopping what I am doing for these little drop overs. to make snacks that are within their food allowances (more allergies)`` I don't mind doing it. I want to be able to be the house where the neighborhood kids hang out. Not to mention that I did every thing I could to help her out when her dh had a breakdown and threatened to kill her and the kids...a whole other story

MamaC...he did have some inventive suggestions when I called him and told him what happened.

I `fwill try to let it go....cat on keyboard..CALGON!!!!!!!!!!!!

TISH

[LisaCA]

I was part of the busing programs in the 1960s and in my city I was the first black to go into the gifted program (3rd grade). It wasn't too popular among the every rich white folks, but they soon relented when they saw the principal was hanging tough. I liked what the principal did: he mandated that I was to be invited to very birthday party. So off I went to every bday party, and had a great time. I thought it was a pretty good policy and still do. These folks were well off, so having 20 kids at a time wasn't the big deal it is now (plus everyone had parties at home rather than the expensive affairs they are now).

I think you should talk to the mom and let her realize just how hurt your daughter was, and that maybe next year she could find a more discreet way of distribution.

we've tried to think what to do with dd when she gets older and I think we may end up inviting her entire class just to be fair. it may cost us (financially and damaged psyches) but it will teach dd a good lesson about politeness.

and there's a plus to having dh a cop: you might get preferential treatment at booking .

my dad was a reserve cop and we had a couple of cops as family friends. They would come over to our house all the time, park their cop cars in front, etc. Had to explain the situation to the neighbors .

[LRA]

ok just have a quick second but wanted to post this...dd just got home and I said hey do we need to talk about what happened this morning with the invitation? She said "no, I'm over it. Maybe she just forgot to bring mine, or maybe I am just not invited..no big deal." geez kids...here I have been having a hissy...plotting my evil revenge and she just goes ..who cares. WOW do I have an awesome kid or what? Yeah me!!
tish

[meimaemomma]

You do have an awesome and confident kid! I still wish that mom knew how insensitive she was.

[chrisandaaron]

Originally Posted by LRA

Makes you wanna hit something!!!!!!! or someone
but with dh being a cop...might cause some problems...

Never stopped me! LOL!

[SadieAnn]

YOU DO have an AWESOME kid (you've clearly done somethings right to have your child handle this so well). I wish that excused the adult in question!!!!