[SadieAnn]

This is a great thread. Dh and I have talked about this several times. In reading the thread there are several different ways this is stated, hopefully a version for everyone to "get it"! I love the "this is my vaginally-delivered child". That REALLY brings it home.

[aspenhall]

My mom still introduces my dd as my "adopted daughter" in front of me and her! I have asked that she introduces as "my grand daughter" and then if she wants to expound, she can explain that She just joined our family last year.... (it's obvious since she's older)....

I'm gonna have to use that next time with my mom... "this is A, C's adopted daughter" and I'll comment with, "Hi, I'm C ...I was Alice's vaginal firstborn"

[jude4691]

I'm an adoptee and have no problem with classing myself as "adopted"-to me it is part of my personality.Yes, I agree with the fact that I was adopted at one point in time,but I do think that has had long term effects on how I have developed so keeping the term "adopted" recognises that.
I have also adopted and would leave it to my daughter to refer to herself as my adopted child if she wants to or just as my child.It really does not bother me-there are likely to be times when she is very aware of that part of her identity and other times when she is not.
The fact is having an adopted child is different to having birth children-I have both.That is not to say that adopted children cannot be or shouldnot be as loved as birth children, but adopted children do have some very different needs.If we shy away from how our adopted children came to us this can make them feel inferior.When I was a child I often announced to people that I was adopted-I do remember my parents looking somewhat uncomfortable- it would have been more affirming for me if they could have been more relaxed about my identity.

[LisaCA]

well said, jude4691. our daughter will have a number of labels that she can embrace, and "adopted" is one of them. I try not to identify her as such, but do mention to folks that we have adopted. I did have an interesting example today when I visited the doc. I brought my daughter with me, and the doc said "is this your adopted daughter?"-funny because she's my only daughter-duh!-so why the label? I think she was just processing out loud that I had adopted dd. will be interesting what she says next time we go in together. I'm a firm believer in embracing labels, but we'll see how dd does. I'll take my clues from her, but will continue to view adoption as a process for building a family.

[Hopp]

Lisa, I think you make a big point when you said you'll take your clues from your dd. I think that's important because (as we've seen in this thread) some children & parents mind the labeles, and some dont.

-Dianna