[ChitownTracy]

Help guys, we met C, a bmom of K-3month old girl, on tuesday. She is making a decision by Tuesday, whether to parent or place with us. I am going nuts.!!!!
I am just so worried, that if she decides to not place with us, that i will be so so so bummed
I really like C, and would love to get to her know her more, as K's bmom, and as a person. DH and I really want an open adoption, and that's what C wants also....
Thankfully, work will keep me busy in the next week.
Any advice, etc is always welcome

[icunurse]

How exciting! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

In response to your concern that you will be sad if she chooses not to place with you - you will be...and that's normal. I think anyone who isn't "chosen" feels a little down, whether it's because the wait will just be longer or you wonder what was so special about that other couple that *was* chosen (making you less special)? As much as you can rationalize it or say all the "therapeutic" things, it can still sometimes sting a little. Again, it's normal and okay to feel that way.

Keep us updated!

[LisaCA]

this is one of those instances, like college applications, where you do what you can and then it's out of your hands. Think of what you'd want in a parent for your child-and then you'll realize that much of it has to do with your opinions of what a kid needs. for me, its a house with animals (dd's bmom didn't care for animals but picked us anyway). It's such an individual decision that you realize it's not about you personally, but that gut feeling you get when you read a profile or meet someone. So like college applications, most of the kids are qualified to be there, but schools decide they need only 20 kids from NY, and you happen to be one of 300 qualified kids from new york. You do your best and then hope for the best.

dd's bmom picked us for a number of reasons that are really rather interesting to us:
-I'm a veggie, and she happens to be in one of the few black families in the US who were veggies (she ate some meat during preg).
-I think she liked my career (anthropologist and college prof, now sahm)
- ultimately I think it's because I reminded her of herself, and her mom. That was nothing I could have planned for or changed.

so relax (or try to) and focus on other things, while keeping those fingers crossed .

take care and keep us posted!,

Lisa

[ChitownTracy]

"you wonder what was so special about that other couple that *was* chosen (making you less special)? "

That's the hinge, is that she is either going to make the choice to parent or US...there is no one else. It is a very unique situation. So at least i won't have that rejection, like what was wrong with us....

[Casey677]

Tracy,

I hope that if C decides to place, she has peace in her decision. If she decides to parents, I hope that your hearts heal quickly. Coming from someone who has gone through three failed matches... trust me, when YOUR child is placed in your arms, you will understand why the other situations didn't work out.

That being said, how exciting that you could have a new baby soon!!!

Casey