[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by icunurse

I think since you have already built a relationship with C, you owe it to her to be honest and respect her decision on the matter, whatever it may be. Some bparents place with the intention of their child being the only child, first child, etc or some may simply want their child to be the center of your universe for a while and not have to share time with mommy and daddy right off the bat. That's one reason a lot of people frown upon "artificial twinning" and why many agencies have a waiting period before you can start the adoption process again. Whatever you decide, be honest about it with C and honor your committment to her. Good luck!

My thoughts exactly icunurse...As a birthmother I would hope the adoptive parents would be honest with me and understand that my decision and thoughts might not be the desired outcome, or it may be. You won't know unless you are open and honest with her. Best of luck.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by BlessedBe

I'd also like to add that if C did not agree to our plan, then it is a no-go with the new situation. I cannot, will not, and refuse to not go through with our plan with her. I love C and her baby and I'm dedicated to the plan we've made with her.

BlessedBe...so happy to hear this - I bet C would be very touched if she could read what you wrote.

[Casey677]

Hmmmm......

Originally I did not want to be presented to dd's birthmom. We had been talking to a pbmom and although we weren't matched yet, I really liked her and hoped that a match would be the result. Our agency and a few people on the board encouraged me to go with dd's birthmom. I am thrilled that I did, because dd is so amazing.

When we were in the hotel awaiting ICPC clearence to leave, I received an email from the pbmom. She had an ultrasound and I believe that the context of her email read something like this, "I had an ultrasound yesterday and YOU are having a girl!!!" Ok, so after spraying soda all over the computer screen, I had a long talk with dh. DD was born in June and pbmom was due in October. Could we do it? Did we want to do? Was it fair to our dd? For us, we decided against it. We have a beautiful little girl that we waited forever for. We wanted to focus on her. At first pbmom was hurt, but she later found another family to match with that she couldn't be happier with. I still talk to her every now and then......

Now, that dd is 7 weeks old, I am THRILLED that we opted against pursuing the second match. She is a handful. I did not know that being a mom would be so hard... well, the being a mom part is easy.... the lack of sleep is hard, LOL. In October, hopefully, dd will be on a pretty good sleep schedule, I couldn't imagine then starting all over again with the every three hour feedings.

But that is me and my situation. You have to follow what is in your heart. I would talk to C as soon as possible though. Her due date is coming up fast!!!!!!!! Dd was born at 35 1/2 weeks.... you just never know when these munchkins plan on coming!!!!

Casey

[maddensmom]

As you continue to think this through, look ahead not to how the artificial twinning will effect you and the birthmothers, but how it will effect the children down the road. I know part of the reason some agencies do not allow this or recommend not doing has to do with developmentally keeping families to a natural birth order type setting, issues of competition, roles, etc.

I have always wondered if any of these experts ever grew up this way...

[scarlet52698]

As a mom of identical twin boys, all I can say is hold on for the ride! It's a wonderful, sometimes frightening journey keeping up with two the same age.

My biggest concern for my children is making sure they each have individual time with me. It takes a lot of work to make that happen but I think it's important for the kids.

The first year was hard because I'd see two crying babies and think "who do I pick up first?". Mommy guilt kicked in that first year because I felt like I wasn't getting an opportunity to bond with them like I wanted to. It still surfaces sometimes when they both need me at the same moment and I have to prioritize the situation.

My boys are now 4 and my daughter is 2, so we are really on the go a lot. (still wondering why I haven't lost more weight) LOL

Have you looked up any information on raising twins? I'd do some research on it if I were you just so you can have an idea of what to expect. There are also some great moms of multiples groups hat provide a wealth of support.

Good luck!

[chrisandaaron]

Good luck! We opted to continue our adoption plans after finding out I was pregnant. We were matched at the time, but that eventually fell through (not because of the pregnancy). We insisted that our SW tell any pbmom's that I was pregnant, but we were still comitted to adoption. I am not sure what exactly she tells them, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of calls we still get (about every 2-3 weeks since our failed match in May). Nothing has worked out yet, but the pbmom's we have met with have been completely fine with the fact that we are expecting a bio baby in November.

Good luck talking with C. I hope it goes well!

Chris

[mommieof2cuties]

Originally Posted by chrisandaaron

Good luck! We opted to continue our adoption plans after finding out I was pregnant. We were matched at the time, but that eventually fell through (not because of the pregnancy). We insisted that our SW tell any pbmom's that I was pregnant, but we were still comitted to adoption. I am not sure what exactly she tells them, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of calls we still get (about every 2-3 weeks since our failed match in May). Nothing has worked out yet, but the pbmom's we have met with have been completely fine with the fact that we are expecting a bio baby in November.

Good luck talking with C. I hope it goes well!

Chris

From what I learned online,through friends etc, is that adoption is not a sure things to everything is signed seal and you get the point. I have seen some couples tell stories of waiting eight years for a baby and in the end adopting two so close in age. Like I said before, my DH and I had no plans to start adopting till later on down the road, but a friend of a friend introduced this bmom in need to us whose baby was already born almost a year old at the time and my son will be a year old in about seven days and in the end both are close in age and I do spend one on one time with each one as I understand that twins or not children should each have alone time with each parent etc. We will be adopting the sib of LA in late Nov and I am due in late Feb so again we will have two baby's close in age. But we have been starting to preplan that, with a move and day schools and a nanny to help out if we decide on that. My DH was talking about staying home for three weeks when the new baby is born and I will do the same....(I might end up staying home for a year when the new babies r born) LOL I just love my job....but that might have to wait again... Life is funny that way...when you least think something will happen it happens. All I can say is think about what you and your husband want and yes be honest with the pbmoms but also remember like I said earlier...one never can say what will or will not happen. I wish you the best....

God Bless,
Summer

[Momoffive1966]

It sounds like you've made great arrangements for the coming babies...CONGRATS TO YOU!!!! How have you been feeling? I think you and DH are going to do a great job with all four of your babies. Hey, doesn't this mean you'll be momof5cuties???? LOL. I've enjoyed your progress thus far on the other thread and I think it is admirable that you are taking this baby, especially for LA(don't know what that stands for but I saw your reference to her on the other thread.

We just finalized an adoption of a sib set 9 and 5 years. I can not express how important and impowering it is that they were able to stay together. They have a deep bond that I know will be helpful as they get older and deal with the loss of thier mother. Anyway, enough rambling here. I was just so touched by this post and your obvious dedication to ALL of your soon to be babies.