[Mom2J]

I'm writing this post in regards to a statement made on a thread, regarding military families. (I'm asking everyone to not post the original thread as not to flame the person who made the statement. My intentions are only to educate people about the military family.)

I'll paraphrase.... The poster stated, that if they hadn't adopted their child, he would have grown up in a military family moving around a lot with not much money.

I think it's very important to be able to learn about the military family and educate the general public about us. I'd like you to post your involvement with the military, how the military or their families have touched your life, what you've learned about their families, and most importantly, what benefit an adopted child would have by being with a military family.

Military Wife,
Mom2J

I'm the wife of an 18-year active duty military member. We've lived in 4-different countries and have one adopted child and one child, we're in the process of adopting.

I'm very happy that our family has wonderful healthcare completely covered by the military. We've had the opportunity to experience different cultures and cuisine (my favorite), to which most people would only dream. My children are quite resilient to change and are very accepting of others, having experienced so many different opportunities in their short lives. We are a very close-knit community, that really draws on each other in times of need.

Who's next?

[momofmykids]

My bil is full time in the Marines. Although he and his wife have not adopted any children, their daughter was diagnosed with cancer last February. He had already done one tour in Iraq (that kept us on pins and needles!) and his unit was getting ready to be deployed again. The Marines reassigned him so that he could be home until the docs gave his daugher a clean bill of health (which hasn't happened yet). I don't know of many other "employers" who would accomodate like that, not to mention the time off they've given him so that he could trade off with his wife, one at the hospital with their daughter and the other at home with their two sons!

[tobeafamily]

My husband is USN/RET after 20 years' service. He retired in May 2003, one year after our son was born and placed with us. Like you, we don't worry about 'affordable' health care because we have coverage through the military. His retirement check pays our mortgage.

Our 'miltiary' status was one of the things Ryan's bfamily liked about us. Bgranddad was former USN, buncle is USA/AD, there is a longstanding military tradition within their family.

Ironically, we never moved beyond 'local' moves in the 14 years we were married, and for him in the 6 years before that. He moved from Command to Command at the same base - NAS Oceana, Virginia Beach VA, for 20 years. He's not the only one either. Actually, we WANTED to go overseas early in our marriage. Nope. Navy liked him right where he was. So much for the 'military families move all the time'. Many do, many do not. Depends on what you do and what the 'need of the country' is.

Now he's retired, we've moved to another state. His employer is consdering him for an instructor position that would involve six months' training in Italy. Yep, we may get that overseas assignment after all. LOL.

Regina

[tobeafamily]

Originally Posted by momofmykids

My bil is full time in the Marines. Although he and his wife have not adopted any children, their daughter was diagnosed with cancer last February. He had already done one tour in Iraq (that kept us on pins and needles!) and his unit was getting ready to be deployed again. The Marines reassigned him so that he could be home until the docs gave his daugher a clean bill of health (which hasn't happened yet). I don't know of many other "employers" who would accomodate like that, not to mention the time off they've given him so that he could trade off with his wife, one at the hospital with their daughter and the other at home with their two sons!

Momof,

Here's hoping your niece does well. I agree - the military can be very accomidating at times. Sometimes not, though more often they will accomidate than not.

In our case, DH got special permission to carry a cell phone with him while we were waiting, got to run an 'open leave chit' so he could leave quickly when we got the call that Ryan's bmom was in labor, and, unlike my employer, got 'baby leave' when Ryan was born even though I had not given birth. The squadron's only condition was that we bring our son in for his first 'photo op' on the aircraft. No problem.

Anyhow, wanted to send my healing wishes for this little girl and pass along my thanks that the Command has done what they did so he could be there. It doesn't always work out that way. When it does, it's nice to hear.

Regina

[jwmjwm]

Thanks for starting this, Mom2J! My husband is active duty Navy (and I was too, for nine years). We have a 2-year-old daughter, and just made our first move since she was born. We were lucky enough to move near my parents, so she sees Grandma and Grandad often! Right now we live on base, and it is great for kids. There is a big playground in our housing area, lots of other kids to play with, and lots of camaraderie among the families. As others have mentioned, completely covered healthcare is a huge benefit to military members and their families, as are commissary privileges, and I've seen very few people really having financial problems. I have very few worries about our kids (we have one on the way) growing up in a military family. Dad being away for a while - that's probably the only one. But I'm certainly going to raise them to be proud of their Daddy and the important job he is doing.

[cocomfs]

Hi Mom2J,
I grew up as military child. My father served 36 years in the Army. I have lived in Germany and Japan. I have traveled to amazing places and met amazing people. I have 3 other siblings and I think unanimously we would say it has been an amazing life. I am now 37 and beginning the journey of adopting a child, and can not wait to share the wonderful things I have learned, because of my experiences. I have a wonderful family that I think is stronger because we moved around a lot and had to rely on each other when moving to new locations. I would not trade it for anything.
Collette

[LisaCA]

hi,

as I mentioned in the original thread, my dad was in the Navy. I also have a ton of relatives that were in the military: granddad was in the army (gassed in france WWI, died later partly from injuries), uncle in the air force (wwII, korea), 3 or 4 uncles in the navy (Korea, vietnam), former BIL Navy (gulf war I), and many cousins in all branches. Dad served in the navy 23 years, wwII, korea, vietnam. I was born at the end of his navy career, so I visited the exciting towns of Bremerton WA and Corpus Christi TX, and Newport RI.

my dad loved his time in the service. He was the son of a sharecropper, helped as a sharecropper, then fled the farm in North Carolina to visit around the world, places he would never have been. While we differ politically about whether he should have been in all those places , I love the stories he tells about the former Yugoslavia, Japan, the Philippines, Spain, Italy etc. For a sharecropper, the navy really opened up his world. It also introduced him to mom, which led to me so I'm grateful to the navy. Dad loved his 23 years in the military so much that now, when he goes mentally awol (79, suffering from a number of health issues including plaque on the brain), he revisits 1945-1947 . We joke it was the time before he met mom or had us, but I think it was the fun he had as a 17-19 yr old, touring the world.

there were clearly plusses and minuses about the military, and from what mom says, it isn't a career choice for the weak of heart (she moved 17 times in 23 years ). I think as a kid you weren't alone-there were other military brats around you all the time.

I have to say the comment in the original thread was at best ill informed. my husband works with military people all the time, and I occasionally attend functions with military spouses. They are just like us-some are great parents, some stink at parenting, and like most of america, most fall somewhere in between. They are all nice to me (the weird liberal vegetarian), and for that I'm grateful. I'd have no problem having my daughter raised in a military family.

And here's to hoping GWBush increases military pay! These are hard working people, who put up with a lot of $#@! to serve their country. I may not agree with every place they're sent and every task they're asked to do, but that doesn't affect my support for military personnel as they attempt to do what we as a country ask of them.

[cmdunn1972]

Originally Posted by Mom2J

I'm writing this post in regards to a statement made on a thread, regarding military families. (I'm asking everyone to not post the original thread as not to flame the person who made the statement. My intentions are only to educate people about the military family.)

I'll paraphrase.... The poster stated, that if they hadn't adopted their child, he would have grown up in a military family moving around a lot with not much money.

OH geez! Are you talking about my post? I wasn't talking about the military in general, but the bparents of our child specifically. He was stationed overseas in Japan (a very expensive country). He is an E-4 rank, they're very young, and she (non-college grad) works full time at a furniture store. In short, they didn't appear to be well off. In addition, he had been stationed at at least 3 other Naval bases previous to this assignment. Simply put, they appeared to be not at all well-off. (Not that there's anything wrong with that. ) *shrug* They chose to make an adoption plan for a reason. I just figured from the looks of it that money (or lack thereof) was theirs.

On the other hand, my younger brother (single) is an E-3 in the Air Force, and my dad was AF ROTC when I was born, so I have a general idea about the military. (Mom talks about how they didn't have much at that time.)

Also, my aunt's husband was Navy ROTC when they had their (on the fly) wedding in-between deployments during the Vietnam War.

Guess what! The military lifestyle can be difficult. While it has its rewards (such as seeing the world), the military was built primarily with defense in mind, not families.

Sorry if you were offended. Perhaps I should have clarified earlier?

[BethanyB]

My brother has been a Marine for 16 years. He has lived in Japan, Hawaii, Massachusets, NJ, and North Carolina. He is leaving for his second tour in Iraq at the end of August. Houses are SO inexpensive in North Carolina and they just bought a beautiful house! Their two kids are VERY well adjusted and have learned about so many different cultures. The kids LOVE moving to new places. It's hard when my brother has to go away but military families have to adjust.

No they are not rich. But neither am I. I am a teacher. If I marry another teacher, we won't be much better off than a military family as far as money goes. You gotta choose what you love to do. My brother loves the military and I love teaching. Money or no money!

I really applaud the brave Americans who have to leave their families to go and fight for their country. I am very proud of my brother. And his family is too!

[sneezyone]

My DH is in the Navy, currently an E-5, and he's been in for the last 7 years. Coincidently, we've also been married 7 years. Our experience with his employer is not unlike anyone elses experience with a long term employer. Some good, some bad. We wouldn't still be involved if we felt like it was a bad way to raise our daughter.

We've lived in the same place for the last 5 years, bought a house, and have saved quite a bit. Later this year we'll experience our second major move since DH joined. Thats 2 in 8 years. I know civvies who move a lot more often than that. Moves really depend on the branch of service.

I work outside the home in a management position. Because we haven't moved much I've become fully vested in my retirement plan. When DH is accepted to officer school in a month or so (yes, I'm counting my chickens before they hatch; I'm THAT confident) I'm going to be a stay at home mommy for a while; I'm looking forward to it. We also would like to spend a few years in Europe while DD is young. I speak French and I'd like her to be exposed to other countries/cultures and different languages as well.

The military paid for my DH to get his undergraduate and graduate degrees and my VA benefits (through my dad) paid for my master's degree. They also allowed DH to leave work 2 hours early, twice a week to attend his classes.

His command and coworkers were also extremely supportive of our adoption plans and offered us gifts and well-wishes.

Our community of friends is probably a lot more diverse than the average bear. People come from all walks of life and in a plethora of racial, ethnic and religious backgrounds. Most families include two parents.

On base and off, a wealth of activies and experiences are available to us, including in home daycare and childcare center options. DD and I currently participate in mommy and me swim lessons twice a week. Physical fitness is important to us as a family so we spend quite a bit of time outdoors and active.

Guess that's all I have to offer.

Just an aside tho, regardless of your rank, your pay is adjusted to cover living in high-cost areas.

[timni]

Dh is in the Air force reserves, but he used to be in the Army. I have never been associated with a greater group of people in my whole life. Military folks really do reach out and help eachother. I have never seen any other place in the US that a stranger would drop everything and help you just b/c you needed it. Military families live their lives by a different code than most and I think they profit far more than money. Plus with all of the benefits on military bases the money really does go much farther than in the "REAL" world. I think a child would be blessed to have access to that type of life. just my addition.

[Aleea]

My husband is in the Army and I just got out of the Army in April due to an injury. If I could've stayed in I would have. It's not always rosy, but you get a steady paycheck, healthcare, education benefits, less bills, and everything is cheaper. Daycare is based on your income. When we had 2 paychecks we were paying about $500 a month for full time daycare, that's about half of what it costs on the "outside." We live in MD so costs are insane. Now that we only have 1 income, our daycare costs dropped to $386/month. The army paid for my bs and is now paying for my masters. I was also able to receive college credits for classes/work I did in the military and got my bs in 3 years.
I've been out for 4 months now and I'm getting a rude awakening. When I joined the military, all I had to do was sign a piece of paper and I had a job. It doesn't work like that on the outside. We were living off 1 income even when we were both working and putting the other one in the savings.
There were definitely times where things weren't so great, that was usually due to certain individuals, not the military as a whole. It is a different lifestyle and it's not for everyone but if I had to do it over again I still would have.

[Mom2J]

Oh, and I forgot to say, that I got to travel through the Panama Canal, go skiing in the Alps, and I ate my way across Europe. WOO HOO!!! (Okay, it wasn't as fun skiing down the Alps with morning sickness, but I didn't know my daughter was on her way at the time. )

Can I also say, that Thanksgiving and Christmas overseas always started off being very difficult, but it was really neat how singles, married, and families all pulled together for a "family" holiday. We were all family no matter what. We still have the singles and couples to the house over all holidays, because now, it's tradition.

Mom2J

[Overwhelmed!]

Mom2J- I'm not military and doubt I ever will be. My father was in the AF during Vietnam and got out for good after his tour was ended.

I mention this because, up until recently, I've been very ignorant of military life. I currently work as a government contract for a Test Center at an Air Force base. I work with mainly F-15, F-16, and A-10 pilots and other military support staff.

Over the past 10 months, I've had an up-close-and-personal look at the close-knit, family oriented attitude of the military staff I work with and I've been pleasantly surprised.

When Jacob was born, I had only been in my job for 1 month. Regardless, the group I work with threw DH, Jacob, and I a baby shower. They were sincerely excited for us with the adoption of Jacob!

Quite frequently, our group has social events (at our work site and off site) and family is welcome and encouraged to attend. Many of the pilots and support staff are married with children, and all are included. Everyone is always asking how Jacob's doing and they're excited to see him when we bring him with us to these social events.

I've also witnessed how military members stick together and look after the spouses/families of those military members that are being sent to Iraq or other places without their families.

Besides the excellent example of exemplary family life that I'm seeing, I'm also seeing an amazing code of honor, integrity, and honesty within the military organization where I work. It's so refreshing to be a part of this type of environment!

IMO any child adopted by a military family would learn much about the importance of family, supporting each other, and maintaining integrity and honor. How can that be bad?

[tobeafamily]

Overwhelmed,

What you're seeing is very typical. Military families take care of each other. Our children grow up understanding that 'families' are not defined by blood, they're defined by mutual caring.

When I arrived at NAS Oceana from DH's INDOC training (I moved from San Diego when he re-enlisted and we got married), we had six days to find me housing, get bank accounts, etc. before DH had to go join the ship. The acts of kindness extended by military families amazed me - from the realtor who refused to take a full deposit on our rental because that would leave us near broke before our next payday saying 'she knew how hard it was to have a husband leave and that was enough sacrifice' to my military neighbors who saw me overwhelmed and cheerfully 'took' over and helped me unpack and arrange our furniture, to the protective nature of DH's 'buddies' left behind who checked on me every few days. We have friends all over the world that we are as close or closer to than our own siblings. My mother has gained so many children since I married DH and she loves it.

We've paid that forward - literally getting calls like "Hey, it's Dave. I'm back in town, leaving tomorrow, now have a wife and new baby. Can you check on them?" Of course. The spouses that are home fix things for the spouses that are away. We mowed each others' grass. Picking family members we'd never met up at airports and taking them to meet their sailor when the ship comes home. Stuff like that.

Imagine what our children learn when witnessing this, growing up in this world. Yes, it's hard to move in the military. It's also hard to move to a new area and NOT have this support structure. Deployments are tough. They strenghten marriages though, because we never take the other for granted.

JMHO
Regina