[redhedded]

than the occasional inappropriate/rude/presumptuous comment that we get as a very conspicuous multicultural/racial family. Today as I ate at a local authentic Thai restaurant with my family (dh works ungodly hours, and we try to really enjoy the family time, together, that we get.), we were approached by a woman. (She was white, which becomes relevant later.) She reached down into the infant carrier, which was on the outside of our table, because the restaurant is very small. She touched B's foot then the top of his head then his hands. It all happened quickly, and I started to speak while she was beginning to touch. She never hesitated. I asked her, "please do not touch our baby," then attempted to put my hand over his. She called me a bi*** audibly, in front of my children, as she walked away from our table.

This is problematic for several reasons. One, B is allergic to peanuts and peaches and has horrible eczema; we suspect he is HIGHLY allergic (our doctor wants serum allergy test done at 12 months) to many things. Most food items in Thai restaurants contain peanuts and/or traces. We are very cautious to not order anything that has peanuts and to wash our hands before touching him. Secondly, in Thai culture it is extremly offensive to touch the top of a person's head; further you do not touch the bottom of the feet. She was several times offensive. Okay. I was polite in my response until she called me an ugly name.

I excused myself from the table and followed her outside (she had already paid) I explained that I did not appreciate her calling me disparaging names in front of my children and continued to tell her that my son has allergies and that it is polite to ask the parents before touching a baby. I also explained that in some cultures it is offensive to touch one's baby without asking and that she might keep that in mind. Before I could finish, she said that maybe we should leave the United States if we did not share her value system of touching babies. Huh! What the ___! So my response was, "well that is a nice attitude having just eaten at a Thai restaurant with a diverse group of prodominently non-White customers who do not share your customs or traditions." The best part, her Thai friend, stood there and looked wide eyed and shocked at her friend as if to say, 'I am quite embarrassed for her and am sorry that I am with her.' That part was priceless!

I went back inside and enjoyed my Pud Kee Mow. What is wrong with people! On a positive note, the owner, my dh's pal, took the cutest photos of my kids on his Fuji toy polaroid camera.

[coco46]

Red,

Wow! What's wrong with people?

Personally, I think you did magnificently in handling the situation.

I always find it completely shocking when people touch other people's children without asking. I'd never even touch a friend's baby without asking (unless I'd been OK'd already by mom or dad).

The fact that a complete stranger thought it was part of a "value system" she was perfectly entitled to horrifies me. And calling you names in front of your children...sheesh. What an odd, horrible woman.

[lisa in venice]

Wo, just wow! I am sorry that that ugly women tried to ruin your family time. did you get a license plate? Ya want I should go have a "talk" wid hur?

lisa

[echaos]

Red, I would not have been any where close to as polite as you were!

You go Girl!

[mommieof2cuties]

Red, so sorry that happened to you and your family...I am amazed that still even after 9-11 and all that has been happening that people can still be so rude to one another!

Again I am sorry,
God Bless,
Summer

[ucme4dk]

Red,
That is *almost* unbelieveable! I can't understand the absolute audacity of people! You handled it very well though, probably with much more tact and grace than I would have. I am sorry that you had to deal with someone who is so caustic...YUCK!
Take Care,
PS The Thai sounds great!!! It is hard for us to decide if Thai or North Indian is our fav food

[redhedded]

Yall are funny! You know I do not look THAT tough, but this Irish gal can get real mad real fast. I would never have used profanity on her (okay maybe a little) but would have used as my mom says, 'a forked tongue cut you to the bone remark about her character.' I refrained! I am determined to teach my kids that people say all kinds of ridiculous, rude and ugly things to you and each other; those things and those people cannot impact you unless you allow them to.

On a sidenote, I glanced inside during this exchange and saw two Indian guys watching us crazy intently as if to say, "what the h is that?'

[kllee4]

Ok, I'll admit that I had to read your post THREE times as I am in total shock right now. How in the world did you hold your composure???? And WHAT was she trying to accomplish by touching all over him like that??? No, "Hi, what a cutie you have there" or "How old is he? He has such beautiful skin, may I hold him" (I can't see her asking to touch him like that ahead of time without sounding like an idiot.

You did incredibly well under the circumstances and with it happening so fast. Good for you!

[spaypets]

Oh my goodness, my blood pressure just shot up reading this!

I know some people just can't help themselves when it comes to touching our kids (I think it's icky and forward, but people do it all the time), but then to not apologize when you asked her not to...and cursing in front of your children...and then making a remark about immigration...particularly since it was a Thai restaurant... Unbelievable!!

You handled it extremely well. I'm glad she had a friend with her who was horrified, what a terrible woman!

[icunurse]

Wow....not much else I can think of to say that is able to be posted here....She must be nuts, calling you that word in front of your family. You are a far better person than I, as that would have truly set me off. Good job. Hmmm, I get creeped out when peope just touch my baby and never reach out and touch anyone else's - any idea where we are supposed to go?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Bleh.. you are much nicer than I am...

I may have confronted her semi-politely... but once the "leave the country" comment came out... All would have broke loose!

[redhedded]

I really appreciate this discussion. I would never have touched another person's baby. I would have admired but never touched unless invited to do so. I think lots and lots of women are that way! I do not know why some people insist on touching babies. I do not know where they or their hands have been; they do not know if my child is immune compromised (or allergic). I just think it is downright rude. I was very very forward with dd even when she was a year and older (remember my story abou the elderly woman at Target?). Heck I am still forward when people cross boundaries. We went everywhere and no one ever got close enough without my intervening.

With darling daughter, I always said, "she is a thumb sucker, and everything on your hands gets into her mouth." I am usually watching to make sure that no one is getting close. I did not feel the need today; silly me! I knew that no one in the Thai restaurant would do such a thing; I did not anticipate her being there.

I am now so disturbed at her comment. Here she is in a restaurant owned, operated and frequented by Southeast and southern Asians who have a very different cultural experience and custom. You would think that she would be acutely aware and try to at least apologize for the offense. Maybe we have not changed much. There is still such an ethnocentric American attitude (in some) that presume that there is only one way to do things and that those who do not share that experience are not fully "American." Sadly, they are as willing to express it when traveling abroad as they are here at home. So sad! It is why much of the world refers to us as "ugly."

[Cobb]

I read this, walked away, read it, walked away... I'm back!

The level of shock and anger I'm feeling...

First, that she would justify such utter rudeness by saying it was somehow culturally acceptable! Huh? Where exactly!!! Then to call you a name... in front of your children!!!

Second, one of my closest friends son has an extreme peanut allergy, so my blood pressure just shot up at the thought. Doesn't matter if she knew or not, see point one.

I am so very impressed with how you handled yourself. I hate to admit that I haven't been nearly as proactive in similar situations. Since Miss A is immuned suppressed, so touching is a big deal with us too and the first time a stranger did so, I was completely dumbfounded. I grabbed her hand away and they just walked off, probably thinking I was the rudest person ever. If they looked back they probably thought I was paranoid too. They touched the fingers she likes to suck on and I immediately got out the hand sanitizer.


If you don't mind, I have story of my own to share. Miss A has a feeding tube and only "eats" very small amounts orally (she "tastes" more than anything with the occassional swallow). It's pretty obvious since it's taped to her face and runs down her nose. Even if someone doesn't recognize it for what it is, MOST people recognize something's up. I once thought everyone did, but was sadly mistaken. A couple of weeks ago we were at a get together with family and friends. Someone actually came up and swiped a finger full of peanut butter into her mouth. Even now, reading it, I can barely believe it happened. Needless to say she shrieked, they looked at me and said, "Oh, she doesn't like peanut butter." then walked away. Let me tell you getting peanut butter off the tongue of a child with an oral aversion is no small feat. And while we have no reason to believe she has any allergies, we've introduced foods very slowly to see how they impact her bowel. Peanut butter was nowhere near our list of foods to try...

[Cobb]

Red, I took way to long to type... all the sudden there are responses. I'm a newbie with this kind of stuff. Any polite yet pointed prepared responses that you have found effective would be greatly appreciated!

Not only do I not touch other people's children, but I also make a point to make eye contact and acknowledge the parent before I pay a child any type of attention. Don't mean to sound paranoid, but I would also worry about someone's intentions in approaching my child too quickly and want to make sure a parent is aware that I'm just being friendly and won't grab their child.

[skootinalong2]

Red ~ You showed such incredible restraint. How you behaved with that woman spoke louder that anything your could have ever said. I believe that what comes around, goes around. She will get hers someday!!!

Cobb ~ Yikes!!!! I can't believe anyone would put food into a babies mouth without asking the parent.

Ter