[Shay]

We would love to adopt domestic but DH's cousin had a lot of problems with 3 different birthmoms, that it scares me to think I could lose the child. How do you do it. Have any of you gone through a failed adoption?

Thanks for your insight.

[Mom2J]

I'm not in a failed placement (hopefully), but I am in an ugly contested adoption. I can honestly say the acid reflux has increased tremendously and I've got bleeding ulsers to boot.

All I can say is I pray every night the good Lord has a plan and no matter what, I've been blessed to have gotten to spend 20-months (2-years + by the time it's finished) with this little guy. I'm proud to be called his Mommy.

Mom2J

[BrandyHagz]

LOL Lordy Mom2J, be sure and throw in there that its a foster-adopt situation...that way she doesn't get scared off by the thought of having a child in her home for 20 months and then loosing him or her...as that rarely happens in domestic infant adoption.

[Shay]

I would love to foster but it scares me to think about the child going back to an unhealthy situation.

[MrsSmith]

Shay,

We had two failed matches - in one the expectant mother first chose us, then changed her mind and chose a family who lived closer to her (she was across the country from us) and in the other, we were matched but the baby was born 10 weeks early and died two days before we were flying out there. There are folks on these boards who have had failed adoptions where a child has been home with them, and it certainly is heartbreaking. For us, it took a lot of crying and a lot of prayer and faith that we would one day be with the child who was meant for us, and it did happen, as we are extremely blessed to have our daughter, who is now 2 years old and singing "On Top of Spaghetti" in the bathtub even as I type. (Uh, Daddy would be in there supervising bathtime... didn't mean to give the impression we let DD bathe alone!!)

You might find better answers if you post your question on the Failed Adoptions board:

http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=410

Whatever route you and your husband take, I wish you all the best in your adoption journey.

Heather

[Mom2J]

To be more specific, he's a relative placement. He was in foster care for over a year before he came to live with us.

I was laughing hysterically when you said that Brandy. Oh gosh, don't want to scare off adopting parents. SORRY.

[Shay]

Thanks for the site Heather...trying to get used to other boards...and finding them..bare with me!

[BrandyHagz]

Ack Mom2J, I went back and read it, and I admit it sounds a little cold...sorry...but I read it and I was like, "ACK ACK ACK! NO!"

Sorry if I came off as cold...I didn't mean to

[Mom2J]

Brandy, I was actually laughing hysterically, when I read what you said. It struck me so funny, because I was imagining everyone running scared (like those old horror movies) away from adoption. No harm done and no need to apologize. (Okay, I know. I have a strange sense of humor.)