[mommieof2cuties]

How would someone start the process to adopt a baby girl whom is already born? We have been hit with a pbmother who wants to place her ten month old daughter with us. Our son is not even a year old yet and we were thinking about having more children down the road, but believe that this pbmother who was lead to us for a reason and we should consider adopting but have not done anything about this yet. The pbmother wants to place the baby with us temporally so that we can have time to-do a home study and paper work, any ideas how long this could take and if taking a baby before home study and paper work is done is OK to do? We are so confused and any advise would be great. We both live in the same state and only about 35 miles away, would this also be a problem? Also would adopting an older baby have issues in itself?

Thanks,

Summer

[tobeafamily]

Summer,

Legal parents can choose at any time to voluntarily terminate their rights and place a child with adoptive parents. She can also name you legal guardians.

My best advice is to contact an attorney with experience in adoption law. Perhaps the same one you used during your last adoption? Either them or check the Quad-A member list (www.adoptionattorneys.com) and speak to several in your local area.

I would absolutely make sure she's taken some legal steps before the child comes - be it temporary legal custody, legal guardianship, etc. That way you have the ability to make doctor's appointments, etc.

As for adoption of a 10 month old, I'd recommend you read up on attachment issues and attachment parenting. A 10 month old will react to change in caregiver, and will grieve - though how they express their grief varies. Not to say it's not overcomable, it is, it helps though if you understand what's going on and have tools to help you all make the transition.

HTH, best of luck.

Regina

[Nevada Jen]

Definately contact a local adoption attorney. We had a situation very similar to this come up and when the attorney called the PBmom, the PBmom backed away saying she was not sure she wanted anything permanent. I would not take the child into your home until you have met with an attorney. You may jepordize the adoption unwittingly by not following the law of the state you are in. Good luck. Let us know how it progresses.

Jen

[mommieof2cuties]

Thank you for your advise, I am looking at that site you gave me as I type this back, we have not adopted before, I was adopted myself years ago, and I placed a baby for adoption, and last year had my son. So this is a new thing adopting a baby for us. My husband and I had spoken about down the road adopting a baby since I feel like I was lucky with my adoption and so lucky with my open adoption with my bdaughter that I would love to be able to share that with someone down the road. We were hit with this last week and I decided to post since we see so many other people getting such good advise on here. Thanks again for your advise. The baby seems to attach herself to whomever meets her needs is what the pbmother has told us, the baby has been in an out of daycare and the father already signed his rights away. The baby is half C/AA and some of my friends have told me this would be a problem for the baby down the road, but my husband and I have no fears about this and were wondering if others have been hit with this type of fear from family or friends?

Summer

[mommieof2cuties]

Jen,

Your right, the PBmother seems to want this very much, as she is the one pushing us. She is coming over tonight around 5 with the baby and I was hoping to have some sort of answers for her. I am waiting for an family attorney to call us back. Thanks to both of you for your help.

Summer

[Lorraine123]

The baby seems to attach herself to whomever meets her needs is what the pbmother has told us

This is the first sign of attachment disorder. Indiscriminant affection. Be sure you are familiar with attachment disorder. If this child has attachment problems, without therapeutic parenting, she will get worse. Just a heads-up!!!

[mommieof2cuties]

thank you for the heads up. I will look into that also if I can get my son to take a nap Thanks to everyone whom has been so helpful, waiting to hear back from an attorney we just called, will keep everyone update

Summer

[tobeafamily]

Good! Call two or three attorneys in your area, they will have different levels of experience, fees, services, and most importantly you may have a different comfort level with them. I'd ask each of them:

1. How long they've been an attorney
2. How many domestic parental placement situations they have handled in the past 1-2 years
3. Get an itemized list of services with fees
4. Get references - at least three clients who have adopted through domestic parental placement within the past 2 years.

Do also check them out with your State Bar Association and Licensing Board to ensure they're in good standing. Again, phone calls, though I'd do this once I was sure I was comfortable with the attorney's professional credentials, personal manner and fees.

Best of luck,

Regina

[cathy102]

Wow!!! Summer.. I had no clue about the baby... I am so happy for you. I hope you can get things done fast. We hired a SW and got our homestudy done in 3 weeks. There is alot of paperwork to fill out but it was worth it...

Please keep us updated and on how the visit goes with the mom tonight...

PS...Hope your little man sleeps for you... Mine is still sleeping...

[mommieof2cuties]

Regina:

Your advise has been so wonderful, we have a meeting at 4pm with an attorney (very fast if you ask me) this afternnoon. Everything is moving so fast and my husband said if everything works out it will be like having twins in the house Your questions have been very helpful and we want to do what is best for the pbmom and baby girl. Do you think living so close will be a problem for the baby? The pbmom is unsure if she wants to visit with the baby after placement or not will this not wanting to see the baby she has cared for during the last ten months hurt the baby or not? Just wondering? Well, got to check my inbox and get ready to meet the attorney, I printed out the infomation you have given and thanks again for being so so kind.

Summer

Dear Cathy:

Wow your son is sleeping again!!! LOL Your so lucky, mine is looking at me from his stroller! LOL Will keep you updated! Can I give a gift to this baby when we meet tonight or is that not a good idea?

Thanks,
Summer

[Deanna&Alex]

Good luck with the attorney and let us know how everything goes with the Pbmom tonight. I have no advice just support!

[tobeafamily]

Originally Posted by mommieof2cuties

Regina:

Your advise has been so wonderful, we have a meeting at 4pm with an attorney (very fast if you ask me) this afternnoon. Everything is moving so fast and my husband said if everything works out it will be like having twins in the house Your questions have been very helpful and we want to do what is best for the pbmom and baby girl. Do you think living so close will be a problem for the baby? The pbmom is unsure if she wants to visit with the baby after placement or not will this not wanting to see the baby she has cared for during the last ten months hurt the baby or not? Just wondering? Well, got to check my inbox and get ready to meet the attorney, I printed out the infomation you have given and thanks again for being so so kind.

Summer

Dear Cathy:

Wow your son is sleeping again!!! LOL Your so lucky, mine is looking at me from his stroller! LOL Will keep you updated! Can I give a gift to this baby when we meet tonight or is that not a good idea?

Thanks,
Summer

Summer,

I think open adoption works because of the relationship, regardless of the physical distance. So yes, it can work whether you live 1 mile or 1000 miles away from each other.

If I were in your shoes I'd be concerned that this young lady is making her placement decision without really thinking it through. She may be simply very overwhelmed with parenthood. Then again, she may have been thinking this over for a long time. I'd really recommend you offer her counseling to help her?

I think what's most important for all of you is to not feel 'rushed' - you can become temporary guardians, give yourselves and her time to assess things, then move forward with an adoption.

Just some thoughts. Hope all is going well.

Hang in.

Regina

[cathy102]

Dear Cathy:

Wow your son is sleeping again!!! LOL Your so lucky, mine is looking at me from his stroller! LOL Will keep you updated! Can I give a gift to this baby when we meet tonight or is that not a good idea?

Yep...My son slept for 2 1/2 hours and also my daughter...hehehe!! What I would of done was give a gift to the mom. Like bath stuff. Lotions, bath gel...etc... JMO!!!! I don't think I would of gave the gift to the baby just yet. How did things go tonight? I want to PM you with my email address. I know you and I click just great...

Hugs and prayers that things will work out for you...

[cathy102]

Summer...I just PM'd you...

[mlbsands]

How did the meetings go?? We just recently got a placement for an 11 month old baby when our son was 9 months old.. so I can totally relate to the "like twins" feeling..

I am excited to hear about what happened last night..

mandy