[amaz5]

Quick history: we have 3 children, all adopted, from same birthmother. All removed by CPS. First two went through foster care for 1 year prior to TPR and last was placed with us at birth. Adoptions for all finalized over a year now.
Got a call from social worker for birthmother. Turns out she is on runaway status, involved in a "wild" lifestyle (including drugs and parties---again), and is currently entering her second trimester.

State is trying to locate her but having difficulty.
We were notified because we have all other siblings and are the first in line to receive the baby, IF she is found and IF the infant is removed. Huge decisions to make on our part to prepare.

Of course, all this depends on whether a) birthfather is (or is not) willing to take responsibility for baby; b) there is anyone in birthfather's family suitable and willing to take the baby; or c) birthfather and birthmother are both found unsuitable and baby is removed via TPR and place for adoption.

Do we want to take on another child? Are we willing to endure the possibility that the baby may be fostered with us but end up being placed with the birthmother should she work the program?

What are the implications going to be with drug exposure, little to no prenatal care, and a huge possibility that this may occur again in another year? We are overwhelmed, concerned, and uncertain.

Although nothing has been decided, we do need to consider the choices available to us and what course we are going to follow. Right now we have 3 toddlers who keep us on the run all day every day (we love every minute of it - even the frustrating moments).
Most importantly, how will this affect our children?

We just found out today so we are still reeling from the news.
Has anyone faced this kind of situation? What was your decision and how did you come by it? Any advice from those who have been there?
We have some time, at least six months, to formulate a plan and make some decisions so we are prepared when (and if) the call comes. We just don't know what we are going to do.
Thanks for "listening".

[mommieof2cuties]

I would say to wait and see what happens, so much can happen in six months, your toddlers will be older, maybe the bmom will get some medical and other needed help. If the baby is going to be placed for adoption I would say go for it so that all the siblings can be together. But I would also do foster care as that allows contact with the siblings also, if she has placed three times before I would almost say that she will have to place or end up having the baby taken away since it seems she is not stopping the cycle she is on. I hope that whatever you decide will be the best for you and your family. From an Educational point of view, I can tell you that drinking is worse than drugs for the unborn baby in many ways, but again since no one can find her it is unclear what she has been doing etc. But again, I wish you luck in what you decide and please keep us posted

Summer

[allanacw]

My goodness! We may be facing a similar situation!

We're not finalized yet with our dd, expecting it to happen sometime this summer. She's 5. Hers wasn't a case of abuse or neglect, just an inability to parent. We're going to meet her bmom once we finalize.

Bmom is pregnant again, though I don't know how far along. My daughter is her second, this baby will be her fourth. None of the children are with her. Workers always said that any future children will be apprehended at birth, but they may put in place a structured plan with assistance with this new baby.

We've been told if the baby is apprehended, we will get the call. It's going to take a lot of prayer and a lot of talk between dh and I to make a decision...he wants bio kids next, while if I had my way we would be adopting again.

So many variables and tough decisions.

[amaz5]

alanacw, my heart goes out to you. Very tough decision especially if your dh wants bio children now.

All our decisions are being based on a purely hypothetical situation as we have no definites at all. Frustrating.

Anyway, I truly wish you the best.
Keep me posted on what happens on your side of things. I'll do the same over here. We probably won't hear anything more for a while so we have put a hold on selling any of our baby items and clothes. Everything is being put into storage LOL

I wish you the best!

--Emmy

[allanacw]

Thanks, Emmy! I agree, the absence of definites is so frustrating. I'm a planner...maybe this is what will finally make me realize I need to let go of control!

Fall of 2005 is going to be a season of change for us no matter what. My husband is on parental leave right now with our daughter (incredible husband and father, lousy housekeeper!), and is trying to get onto the police force. Should that happen, he will be gone at police college for three months (possibly as early as next month). He's got one more interview to pass before the psychological and background test.

If he doesn't get on the police force, he's going to be looking for another job rather than returning to his old position.

So between his job and the possible baby, change is coming no matter what! I will keep you posted on what happens with us.

Allana

[Roon63]

We have adopted thru foster 4 children, 3 from same birthmother. At the time of termination(she relinquished in middle of court), she had another one year old and was pregnant, and has since given birth. In our state, because of her relinquishment, her slate is wiped clean, and if the children come into state custody, she starts the system anew.
We keep our case open, as my hubby says...shots current! just in case, to keep the siblings together.
It tears me apart, that they have siblings out there, and can't know them yet....

[mommieof2cuties]

Just wondering if you have an update yet? My thoughts are with you and your BMom and we hope everything works out for everyone.

Summer

[allanacw]

A bit of an update on us...

DH is in the final stages to get on the police force. He's going through his background check now (the small fender bender he had on Sunday is now causing him major anxiety...it was just a scratch, though), then comes the psychological (hehe, the truth will really come out!). We're praying hard that all goes well. He could be gone to police college as soon as the end of August.

We go to court to finalize on August 12th, and are meeting our daughter's birthmom on August 22nd. It's going to be a tough meeting: I cried when I got her letter, and she cried when she got mine. She's asked for photos of dd with her bio sister. Her sister was adopted to a different home, we've gotten together twice and they're coming to dd's party on the 13th to celebrate finalizing.

So much going on!

Allana

[bumpkin]

Allana

Any new thoughts on the new baby? Gosh, We were in the exact same situation and did take the baby who we now have. It's really too long to post, but if you look up under my name you'll see our whole story. I haven't made a move without the opinions of those on this board! LOL

Anyway, our baby is now 5 months old and is looking like she will RU with Mom - who no one ever thought could get it together. Just a warning, think long and hard..... In my heart I know we will have done the best for this little lamb, but it's going to tear our family apart to lose her.

No one can tell you what to do, we will support you either way.

Hugs and keep me posted

[Faulkner99]

The baby placed with us, whom we will (if all goes well)
be adopting was removed from bmom, and from what the social worker told us, she wasn't interested in the hospital in pursuing contraceptive options. Good possibility we'll get "that call" one day. I suspect we will say "yes" to the sibling, but of course no telling.

[allanacw]

I just learned from one of our workers yesterday that bmom is no longer pregnant, she lost the baby.

Sometimes working with "the system" is like a game of broken telephone. Overall, we've had a near perfect experience: our workers were wonderful (all 5 of them!), our paperwork was completed quickly, and we got a lot of support when we needed it. But sometimes trying to get accurate information about dd's history can be difficult, and this is another example of where communication breaks down.

So, it's on to our next challenge, not counting hubby's quest to become a police officer. Whatever that challenge may be...

The agency we do foster relief through, which is how we met dd (she was our only foster placement, rather than relief, because we both were working full time), is asking if we will continue to foster. So, we'll see what happens with that!

Thanks to everyone for all your well wishes and support.

Allana