[scgirl816]

My husband talked to the birth mom today. She will be deciding probably in the next month or so who the adoptive parents will be. I am planning to call her tomorrow to allow her to get to know me and to also ask some questions. I kind of feel that it was good for her to talk to my husband, but if I were her, I would want to talk to the potential adoptive mother.

I want to be tactful and sympathetic. This will be my first time speaking with her, and she just learned of us yesterday. Part of me wonders if it's too soon for me to call after dh called, but then I want her to know that we are serious about considering this adoption. My husband is the only potential adoptive parent who has contacted her personally. There are a couple more people who have spoken to the contact person (who I believe is her pastor).

What should I say? I want to completely be myself so that she knows me for me. But this is such a personal situation and I have such personal questions (even "Is the birth father in agreement about the adoption?" seems so personal!)...what do I say?

Thank you!

[icunurse]

Since it is still so early in the "getting to know you" phase, I would just try and get to know HER and not focus too much on the baby right now. I believe in a previous post you mentioned that she wasn't due soon, so you have time to get acquainted. I think it would be okay to ask if the baby's father has been supportive or around or however you want to phrase it. But your first conversation may not be the right time to be pushing prenatal advice, asking very personal questions, etc. If she offers the info, fine, but to ask too much yourself or focus too much on the baby (though I am sure you're excited and hopeful) may make her feel like she's unimportant to you or just carrying the baby. Just go slowly, treat her like you'd want a pregnant friend or relative to be treated, let her learn about you, too. Good luck!

[cathy102]

How did things go yesterday??? Hope it went well.