[daves_girl]

We were presented with a possible birthmom last night. She is bi-polar and currently off her meds. Her health records show she is in good health. She had trace amounts of pot and cocaine in her system--used a hair sample--but as soon as she found out she was pregnant she has stopped taking anything harmful including her meds. Her Dr.'s office has told her she could be placed on Zoloft. (I think that is it) The birthfather is in her life and will be coming with her if we can get her relocated, possibly in our state. (She lives in a bad neighborhood) My question is this--if you have adopted a child from a bi-polar mom were there any problems? Before and after the birth. How is your child doing now? I don't know alot about this disorder, just what little I have read on the internet. Any tips or info would be greatly appreciated!! God Bless.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

What kind of problems do you mean?

[daves_girl]

Just problems with the mom taking care of herself and the health of the baby after it was born.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I gotcha!

I dont think that bi-polar really works like that.. I think in most cases the onset isnt even until you are a bit older. Bi-polar is where you shift between manic and depression with normal times in between... used to be called manic depression.

I think you can get a good sense of what the mother is doing in regards to taking care of herself by talking to her. I know that Zoloft's effect on an unborn child is unknown at this point...

I hope that helps... a bit anyway

[emilyangel]

Don't know if my perspective would be helpful, but I am a bi-polar birthmother.


Being bi-polar had nothing to do, ever with my children, other than sadness that I myself could not parent my child. I was always open and honest about my bi-polar status with my bdaughter's aparents (as well as open and honest about the fact that I've been very successful off my meds for the past several years).

For me, (and for many other people with bi-polar disorder), a life off of meds MIGHT be the best possible route. I've yet to find a medicaion that worked well for me, and have done well simply taking life one day at a time.

As for heridity (sp?), I believe my mother is bi-polar, but to be honest, she does not feel she has a problem with mental health, and refuses an assesment. She's a grown woman, that's her choice.

I have a 4 year old daughter, who is seemingly an extremely well-adjusted child. Of course, my being bi-polar will always be a stigma to her, I assume, and we will watch for her well-being. My bdaughter, also seems fine, however, is only 15 months old right now.

There are different levels of bi-polar disorder, and hearing the word 'bi-polar' attached to someone seems to give people bad connontations, but it doesn't always have to mean 'worst case scenario'... I know for me, my severity of my disorder as a child, was a product of my envirnment. When I got out of the house I was in, it got MUCH easier to deal with.

Thing to take into consideration

[Somedaymomma]

My father in law is bipolar. He manages it well with medication. My husband was worried if he would have it. He doesn't. It seems to manifest in early teen years. His sister does have it. She is unmedicated and way way out of control. According to my mother in law (therapist) it passes from fathers to daughters then from daughters to sons and so on down the line. I am by no means an expert and this could all be untrue. But it seems to follow that pattern in this family. My FIL's mother was also mentally ill but we never knew what she had. We checked all this out because we wanted to see if we had a child if it would have any chances of being bipolar later in life.
But over all - bipolar seems to be very manageable with the right medications and education about the illness.
Good Luck

[lisa in venice]

When presented with birth parents situations where they is a history of Bipolar the adoption professional would ask if we were "ok" with being presented. My standard answer is " You should meet my fmaily, it was like growing up in a Tennesse William's play". In short it is not something I worry about. but I am not sure what you are asking. Are you asking about the possiblity of Bipolar in the child or what kind of issues are there with an ongoing relationship with a Bipolar birthparent? Both of our younger children's birthmoms are Bipolar and the quality of the relationship is really related to the degree of the illness and how well it is managed. With Sam's birth mom she has found a good regime of meds and we have a great relationship. Also I don't think that the illness is that bad for her. I have relatives who are Bipolar and they are at the extreme end of things and are frequently delusional. Neither of these women have those issues but Miranda's birthmom can't handle the ongoing relationship.

For most people bipolar is very manageable and should not be a real issue in an onging relationship but if not managed it can be very challenging. My family members struggled their entire lives without good meds and alternated between normal function to manic(with delusions) to suicidal(with multiple suicide attempts). It was very difficult but neither of the kid's birth mom have those issues. Miranda's birthmom's illness is not well managed and she has not been able to maintain contact. We wish she could but we understand how many things she is struggling with.

The out look for the child is very good. Bipolar CAN be passed on but most children do not inherit it and if they do you know ahead of time that there is a propensity and you can intervene early. Early intervention and finding good management tools BEFORE the illness gets severe can make a huge difference in quality of life. I have many frineds who are Bipolar (I went to art school, very creative people are more likely to be Bipolar) and all are doing very well, they have good lives, good jobs and great families. Some are on meds and some manage their illness with diet and excercise and others with a combo. it is clearly not something that worried me in my adoptions. The biggest concern I would have would be about her not being on her meds and if that is habitual or if she just hasn't gotten the help she needs.

lisa

[79nic]

Christine is correct, Zoloft hasn't been around long enough to know what effects taking it while pregnant would have on a child's development. My obstetrician tried to get me to take it while I was pregnant, and I refused, for that very reason. (Yes, I'm bipolar also.) Furthermore, most bipolar people need both a mood stabilizer AND an antidepressant (like Zoloft), not just the antidepressant. An antidepressant alone can actually worsen symptoms in many bipolar people....

So, I'd say it's a GOOD thing she is not taking her meds right now, while she's pregnant.

Bipolar does have a genetic link, so it's possible this child will develop the disorder. If the birthfather is also bipolar, the risk goes up.

I'll take a slight issue with Lisa's comments about the relationship between a bipolar birthparent and adoptive parents... I've had severe depressive episodes (one very recently, landed in the hospital) and I still have a good, ongoing relationship with my birthdaughter's adoptive family.

Bipolar disorder looks different in kids than it does in teens/adults, btw. Yes, it can manifest in childhood--it just looks different. So if you do pursue this situation, you should educate yourself EARLY on what bipolar in kids might look like, as well as in teens/adults.

All in all, if she's no longer doing the pot and cocaine, and is not taking her meds right now, I'd say the baby is likely to be ok at birth. (You didn't mention how far along she is, though..?) The mom simply being bipolar will have nothing to do with the baby's health at birth.

[daves_girl]

She is 3 1/2 months along. She said she feels good right now..and the dosage of meds are so small that she doesn't want to take the risk with a dosage that isn't doing anything for her.

[katmom2]

Hi! My son and youngest daughters (they are full siblings) birthmom has bipolar. Her mom also has it. She was not taking any meds when my son was born. She was controling it on her own. He is almost 5 and seems to be perfectly healthy and hasn't had any problems. From what I've been told is that bipolar can be well controlled with medications now. My daughter is only 3 months. She is also healthy and hasn't had any problems. Bmom was taking Depakote (which can cause problems with the baby) for first two months of pregnancy and changed to I think it was Zoloft for the rest of her pregnancy. Anyways, both of my kids are doing great. Hope this helps.

amom to
dd 8 years old
ds 4 years old
dd 3 months old

[Dee1234]

Hi Daves_girl,
We haven't adopted a child from a bipolar birthmother yet, but we may, if all goes well. Right now we are waiting for our agency and her attorney to talk.

What I can tell you so far is that the potential birthmom we have been in contact with is very nice and seems committed to doing whatever she can to ensure the baby is healthy. Her bipolar disorder is well managed with medications, and she strikes us as a strong, caring and responsible woman -- all traits we would love to have in a child!

Best of luck to you,

[DebCsMom]

Our almost 3 year old is being treated for Early Onset Bipolar. YES children at very young ages can have Bipolar. This is a very new discovery. Most children are diagnosed as having ADHD, ODD, OCD, etc. Then when these children are older, say grade school or older, they then diagnose them as having Bipolar ALSO. When all along it was Bipolar from the beginning. There are still no tests to accuratly diagnose young children as Bipolar. All the tests are for older children or adults.

Young children with Bipolar don't exibit the same way as adults do. They have the manic & depression but MANY times a DAY! They have "rages" that last for hours sometimes. They are extremely intelligent. They have NO FEAR of anything. Then we have times when she is the most loving gentle child on earth. Then a second later threatening to kill you. Our daughter can't handle any type of social situation. Like taking her to church or to the store or even to a 30 minute dance class without losing control.

There is a GREAT web site on Early Onset Bipolar. I hope I can post it here if they delete it PLEASE eamil me for it. Also get the book "The Bipolar Child" by Demitri Papolos, M.D. & Janice Papolos. Our Nuerologist recommend it & so far it is GREAT!!!

The web site is
http://www.bpkids.org
Then go to the link "About pediatric bipolar disorder" It tells all about it. It's a great site.


This doesn't mean that a child you adopt will have Bipolar. Not all children of Bipolar parents have Bipolar children. Our daughter's BMom doesn't have it, but there is ALOT of depression on that side of the family. OR someone does have it & it hasn't been diagnosed. It doesn't mean your child if he/she does will have it early. Bipolar can be treated. Children & adults can live normal productive lives...they just need to stay on the meds. Check out the web site. Read the book. It gives you a GREAT understanding of Bipolar.

GOOD LUCK! The best way to decide if you can handle ANY adoption situation is to research! Whether it be drugs, alcohol, mental illnesses, etc! RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. Then make the decision if it is something your family can handle.

Deb

[daves_girl]

Good luck to you Dee!! Thanks for the info Deb!! Will have to check this out if we ended up going with this birthmom. Right now we have accepted, but they are acting squirrelly about moving. Talking to them today about what is expected of both parties..something that should have been done a couple of days ago. Hope we get some answers that satisfy us!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Daves_girl,

Please explain the statement "acting squirrley about moving." Are you making the potential birthmother with all ready known mental instability move during pregnancy? Where will she go after pregnancy?

I see this as a HUGE red flag for her recovery.

[daves_girl]

HI...We are not making her move...she will not have a place to live after next weekend. The bithfather's mother is currently letting them live there..after telling them to get out on Friday..which sent us scrambling for a place for them to live near us. She lives in another state. They were both very excited to move...want to better themselves, ect. We were doing all that we could to get them out of a bad situation. At the last minute she got ill. I understood as I was getting a little sick trying to get everything done in 4 hours time. Now they don't know if they (he) can leave the state they live in...there are pets that have to come or she can't handle leaving..just things that can be delt with..but we are in a time crunch..at least that is the impression we and the agency are getting. It may come down to leave the birthfather in that state and get her here...but I get the impression that even tho she is saying now that she will leave him behind to do what she can to get in a better environment for the baby and herself..she won't leave him behind. So right now my DH and I are on a roller coaster ride of emotions. We are doing everything in our power to make sure this is the best for her and her health and to provide a way for her to have a chance to better herself and if he comes along...better his life as well.