[honu]

I'd like to know more about everyone's decision to adopt. Was there one particular defining moment or was it an idea you had to warm up to? Did you, your spouse, or partner, not feel it right away and take longer to decide it was right for your family? Did you want to adopt since as long as you can remember? I've heard a few out there, but thought it would be nice to group them all together.

For us, short and to the point, it went something like this. We tried to get pg, we did lots of tests, we tried infertility drugs, and never discussed IVF. We contacted Cherokee Nation to be put on a waiting list for a Homestudy for adoption and we waited. We got tired of waiting, called a local SW to do our Homestudy for us and the day she was supposed to come I did a pg test, which came up positive. We cancelled the Homestudy, went through a lot of crap, and lost our little angel. We went back to the RE and had a serious meeting about our options. We took the info with us and decided to have lunch. Across from each other, at Red Robin, we held hands, looked each other in the eye, and at the same time said, "I want to adopt". I started to cry and said I really never wanted to do the IVF and felt adoption was our answer. Hubby whole heartedly agreed and we had a couple of the best burgers we had had in a long time. It was great to be in the same mode, as we almost always have been. We are truly soulmates and we prove it to each other again and again everytime we hit a bump in the road.

[joynxs1]

when my dad (southern baptist minister)said that he would not help in any way~that I was a disgrace...

[MollyinSD]

Well since I was adopted, before hubby and I were even married we discussed children and their importance in our life. I was adamant that if we could not conceive on our own, that I wanted to adopt. Hubby whole heartedly agreed.

For awhile I wanted to try and be pregnant. Not having a biological connection never really mattered to me, but in starting our own family I wanted to know that I had tried everything. We did all the infertility stuff and when we went for IVF we both said that if it did not work, we were going with adoption. We tried one fresh round and had a chemical pregnancy. We had 6 frozen embies, but I knew at that time I was not ready to go that route anymore, I wanted to adopt.

Two months later we found a woman we were comfortable working with and 2 months after that we started the process. 3 months later we had our son! A total miracle.

In OCtober of this year we discussed going back on the adoption list when our son turned 1. We decided we wanted to do our frozen transfer as it was a quarter of the cost and wanted to give our life a chance. When they thawed only 3 survived and one actually decided to stay around. I am now 32 weeks pregnant with another little boy. We are thrilled. There is a part of me though that was really wanting to adopt again. I can't really explain it, trust me I feel totally blessed, but I just felt so wonderful in bringing home our son. He is our pride and joy, I know we will make a difference in his life as he has made a difference in ours. He gave us our second miracle!

Molly

[prettylorilou]

I am 31 never having a period thriugh growing up I knew something was different about me. I was hit by a car at age four. My pitulary gland injured which controls reproductive organs. Anyway was told that I was a " latebloomer" & it'll happen on it's own time etc. I never allowed myself to think children would be possisble so never thought about it. Years past met my husband got married. 6 yrs. marriage & 8 yrs. together. My HUBBY'S biological clock is ticking. We are trying meds to see if any progress. Will continue meds if positive. No treatments, no procedures for me. Couldn't handle mis-carriages and all the pain .So we first wanted nothing to do with adoption. I don't want to go through with any procedures that would tear us apart. Adoption even with some hurdles, is just as much a blessing as a bio child. We had to grow together making the decision.

[jstunme]

Originally Posted by joynxs1

when my dad (southern baptist minister)said that he would not help in any way~that I was a disgrace...

Was just very curious about your reply ... wondering if you would want to elaborate?

[wannabeamommy]

For me it was after getting pregnant through IVF and then having a miscarriage. I had a lightbulb moment... I thought: "I have been trying so long to achieve pregnancy, well Iv'e done that. I need to be trying to become a mom." And that day we started the paper work with our agency for our homestudy.

[Casey677]

We started trying to get pregnant right after our wedding. After a year and a half, we went to the dr. for help. We both went through all the test, they were never able to find a reason. We did four rounds of clomid, they asked if we wanted to move on to IUI and then possible IVF.... Dh and I looked at each other, we both started to shake our heads no, then Dh told the dr. that we were going to adopt instead. We had never had any real conversations about adoption before, we both just knew that further infertility treatments were not for us at that time; as soon as he said adoption, it just felt right.

So here we are......

[meimaemomma]

I had health problems when I was younger, so dh and I talked about it when we first started dating, and we thought adoption would be how we'd build our family. Doing well in my twenties, we decided to have one by pregnancy, were blessed to conceive easily but had a high risk pregnancy and almost lost our son several times. We were blessed with our healthy ds near term. Preparing for a second, we saw a high risk pregnancy specialist in our new city - they said we could try another pregnancy and we would just monitor very closely, and asked me to consult with another specialist. We left the first appointment encouraged that we could have another pregnancy, but by the time we got to the car we both realized that our hearts weren't in it. We had both already and independently felt that adoption was for us for our second. We didn't follow up with the other specialist and started collecting information packets.
When we started to realize how difficult adoption was going to be, how frought with its own challenges, problems and possible losses, how very scary it could be and would be, I briefly lost my courage and said "let's just try another pregnancy," and dh said if we did that he'd be disappointed that we didn't get to do this. But don't let anyone ever tell you that this is the "easy" way. DH was right - we are certain that this is the path for us So here we are, preparing for our second miracle!

[kaosweaver]

We had two kids (both boys) and we wanted to try again to see if we'd get a girl. We briefly discussed that we'd not go for four if we got another boy (or more accurately, my wife emphatically stated it, the conversation was brief, just very decisive as well). Once we knew our third child was a boy, we touched on adoption for a girl. Fast forward about two years and I start looking into adoption, however, we're both over the diaper, late night stuff, potty training etc (well, honestly my wife is, I work two jobs so she does 99% of the child rearing stuff - but I am over my wife being exhausted most of the time - sometimes I wish we could switch as she gets a much higher reward from her job then I do ) So we're looking into an older girl to be our daughter. I'm the primary push for this, however, my wife is right along side and we're in this together. She sets the limits to what we're willing to accept in our daughter and she won't let me get a sibling pair of daughters (something about them conspiring together...). Yesterday she was talking to the nursery director at chuch about this and commented that, if she'd let me, I'd adopt a dozen kids and she is right. I see the kids in the foster care system (although right now mostly daughters as that is what we're adopting) and my heart aches for them. I'm already talking about the next adoption after our current oldest (and the daughter will be a little older) exit the home for their higher education/work/life. I'm targeting two more girls after the oldest set leave the house (six kids total) and then I hope my wife and I will be strong enough to handle fostering older children for another decade or so then we move into funding a ministry to support others in adoption and fostering when we're too old to properly parent children.

I have awesome parents (the older I get, the better I realize they are). So many kids can't say the same - I've got an opportunity to provide a loving, caring family for kids and I have a model I can look to so, I hope, one day, my kids will say they have awesome parents too. I was a problem child (according to the rating scales on the states I've read, I would have been classified as moderate or serious emotional problems, which surprised me) my wife is detached from her family so we've got some experience in our background to find some common ground with the children we'd be able to care for.

So when did I first know - I'm not sure. The more I read - especially the negative stuff - the more I am certain adoption is for us. It became a reality about two months ago when I went from casually mentioning it to starting the process. I've got tons of prayer warriors lifting our family up to the Lord and I pray over my family and pray over my future daughter.

[spaypets]

We never planned on being parents.

Indeed, we planned on NOT being parents.

Over the years, I became a bit more ambivilent about remaining child free, but I never said anything because DH definitely wasn't interested.

Then came Sept. 11, and the collapse of the World Trade Center. In the extensive coverage that followed, we kept hearing about people's last thoughts being about their kids, about the legacy that they left in their children. Suddenly, we both were thinking about our marks on the world and what was really important. It was with those thoughts that DH asked me if I was interested in adopting (we had previously known about a fertility issue so knew we couldn't get pregnant without intervention). I jumped at the chance and the rest is history.

[icunurse]

We'd always planned to adopt some day, but wanted the experience of a pregnancy (and maybe a little boy who looks just like his Daddy) first. Well, fast-forward a couple of years past doctors, surgeries, medications, and losses. DH and I went away to discuss our options and, having lost faith with our current doc, decided to go for a second opinion with a new doc. Funny thing, though, was I just couldn't make the call to his office...I kept hanging up or putting it off.

Anyway, my parents and I went out to breakfast right before my mom was having surgery (yet another good excuse not to start with a new doc!). My dad, who I adore and think is pretty wise, says to me "why are you messing around with all this cra*? Why don't you adopt and have your baby that way?" To this day, I am not sure why, but that statement brought me such relief. DH and I spoke later that night (he was ready to move on before I was) and signed up for an info meeting at our agency the next month. While the adoption road has definitely not been easy, it wasn't nearly as overwhelming and all-consuming as fertility treatments were.

[joskimo]

we'd wanted baby #2 for a long time, tried hard, then did the "we're not trying thing" with secret hopes for success. We faded in and out of how hard we tried and let it be God's will. Then one day 2 years ago we both fessed up as thow truely important it was to each of us to have baby #2. Concerned that as we're getting older and still not conceiving DH suggested adoption and I didn't give it a 2nd thought. He's adopted and I'm 1/2 adopted. For us it was natural, just can't beleive it took us so long to think of it!

[Nevada Jen]

We got pregnant with DD on our wedding night (first time I ever had unprotected sex im my life, I might add). After a truely horrible pregnancy and a recovery that was worse than you can imagine, we knew we would adopt baby number 2 (and 3,4, & 5 if I have anything to say about it!). We DD was about a year old we found out she had a serious debilitating medical condition that any future children would have a 25% chance of getting. We planned to adopt or chance the odds when DD was in school full time. We were all set for an international adoption (check in the envelope) and found out I was pregnant. After I recently lost twins at 16 weeks I was willing to try the genetic route again but my husband was not. So we agreed on adoption but decided that it made more sense to adopt interacially in the US (for us).

Adoption is not second choice for us its just one of many we could have made. Right now I am thinking that pregnancy (despite the bad results the last two times) would be much easier than letting everyone in the world dig around in my life.

They actaully asked on the employer reference letter "How does the person show affection?" Try being a lawyer and discussing that one with the CEO of your company. Ugh. I am actaully looking forward to the waiting portion of the process just to not have people digging around in my life!

Keep the stories coming! Its very interesting to hear how there are so many ways to get to the same result.

Jen

[ahimsa]

My husband and I had discussed adopting instead of trying to get pregnant. I was riding the fence and just worried about whether or not I could look at a face so different from mine and think of that person as my child. Then, we watched an adoption special on TV featuring Rosie O'Donnell. Every time they showed pictures of waiting children, I got more excited about adopting and realized that I could easily parent a child that was did not have a biological connection to me. From then on, there was no doubt in my mind!

[kllee4]

Well, I try to sum it up in as short and swwet a way as possible.

After having our first 3 biological sons (and losing a son shortly after delivering twin boys), we decided that we were done with the high risk pregnancies, the bed rest, the fatigue of my hubby running me back and forth between appts. and emergency room visits and tests. We figured that any future children we had anyway would be boys (HEE HEE) and decided to definitely begin the process to adopt a baby girl by the time #3 was at least 2 years old. I found out I was pregnant with #4 when #3 was 6 months old!!!! I couldn't believe it since it came out of nowhere and I found out during my consult for a tubal ligation I had scheduled!

Well, needless to say, an adoption had to put on hold and out tiny townhouse was now out of the question to add another with the limited bedroom space. We waited until we could build our dream home with a few more bedrooms and now we are waiting for our little one (a girl) to join our family.