[Casey677]

I received word of a possible situation where the birthmother is due very soon. The following was included in the email from my facilitator:

"She learned she was pregnant at six months along, and reports that at this time, she ceased using any narcotics or alcohol. Prior to that, she reports smoking crack cocaine daily, moderate alcohol and cigarette use."

The expectant mom is also Hepatisis C positive.

Realistically, what is this little baby going to be dealing with? My heart wants to say I don't care, but my head is full of doubts.

Casey

[Cobb]

Casey, who what a difficult decision...

Can't give you any advice, but wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you as you wade through the info available. I will say that Miss A's mom used alcohol and cocaine - wasn't addicted at birth and doesn't show physical signs of FAS, although to early to tell if she'll be impacted by FAE. In general, I think it's one of those situations where it's just an unknown, each child develops and is impacted differently. I think you need to decide if you could handle the worse case scenerio. I'm sure there are many who can tell you what that might be.

You will have all my support whatever you decided!

[Volfe]

Oh Casey...
I just wanted to offer up another positive scenario, I knew someone who fit that ID and when she found she was pregnant she went clean. Baby was healthy, though I lost touch after he was 2.

But Cobb's right, what worst could you handle?

Hugs, I'll be thinking of you.

maia

[MamaTo6]

Casey. what a horribly hard call to make. BIG HUGS to you. Only you know what your family and you can handle. I dont envy your position. Its almost a cliche now on these boards, but your child wil come, whether it's this child or the next. And if you choose. there will be a next. My prayers are with you and this lil one. Sorry I wasnt more help.

Warm Wishes...Teagans Mama









































































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[amom4life]

Casey~
This is a tough decision for sure! Not every case is the same what affects one child in a devastating way may be mild or non exsistant in another.

Alchohol is the one that scares me!

I would do some research and talk to people who have chidren born under the same conditions.

I wish you all the best!
Blessings!
Judy

[cynthia900]

Casey,

Many hugs to you - this is a tough one. I know of many babies born to moms who used cocaine and are without significant issues-personally this would not deter me, nor would the cigarettes. The alcohol would give me pause. I am trying to be more positive but those effects really scare me (not to say they should scare you - this is such a personal decision). Let me know if you need some resources to look at to help you decide...

I know how much you want a baby but only you can tell if this baby is meant for your family and I think you probably know that in your heart right now...we usually do.

So what are you feeling? Wishing you peace with whatever you decide.

[icunurse]

I agree with the others - you do, at some point, have to ask yourself "what is the most I can knowingly handle?" (hard to figure out when there's a real, live baby before you). Would you be OK with FAE? Would you be OK or turn down a baby with FAS? Would you be OK if the baby turned out to be Hep C positive and needed the medical care that goes with that? Some things in our child's lives will be "surprises", some pleasant, some unpleasant. But adoption and the info the facilitator gives you allows you some room to choose the degree of your battles. Is it possible that the facilitator can give you more info on what "moderate alcohol use" means? How many drinks/day is that? Our agency really worked on pbmom's to give almost exact numbers/types of drinks/frequency of use. That might be useful info for you in your decision. I know that after wanting a baby for so long, your heart can easily want to take control, but listen a little to your head, too. Good luck with your decision.

[momof3kids]

I have been told that if a substance was used, you want it to be cocaine vs alcohol. The effects are more immediate and not as long lasting.

I have been ripped apart on these boards before for my view on this, but I would never knowingly go into a situation where there was alcohol usage. I have done the research and even did an internship in college at a Fetal Alcohol Diagonstic Clinic and it was not pretty.

Like the other posters said, if you can determine that you can love this child in the worst case scenario-go for it. But if you don't think you are equipped to parent a child with potential serious mental and/or physical complications-let this one go.

I don't envy you-it is a tough place to be. -Susan

[SadieAnn]

Casey,

First of all whatever you chose to do you have my support.

But up front I find I am scared for you on this one.

I have heard good outcomes about cocaine use, but this one worries me because "every day" til 6 mos sounds like more use than I have heard about. But again, stretch out to others with direct experience.

Also we all hear of some moderate alcohol use until discovering pregnancy, but again up until 6 mos sounds like alot.

The hepatitis C also sounds serious. BUT I don't have any direct knowledge. I would go directly to doctors for this one. Both an obgyn & a pediatrician would be on my call list.

Again, whatever you chose to do I am here and happy to support.

I am sure after your many struggles you are so ready to find "the one". You so deserve it. (((hugs)))

[Overwhelmed!]

Casey- You've already gotten good advice here, and I have no new advice to contribute. I just want to say that I have you in my prayers and I hope that you come to a peaceful decision (either way) soon.

Please let us know what you and your DH decide.

[kckm]

My heart goes out to you for having to make this decision. Here is a link for Hep C.

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddise...c_ez/index.htm

I know of a couple who adopted a child testing positive for cocaine at birth (birthmom never told she was using, do not know how much and how often she used). Child is 5 now and doing well.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

[Nevada Jen]

Casey, I really depends what is important to you and what you can handle. Hepatitis C is pretty serious and people with it may require a liver transplant from my limited experience with a friend that has it. The medicines they currently give for it are rough. The link above sugar coats it a little. I think the treatments are getting better though. And I don't know if you can virtually eliminate the risk of transfer to the baby by doing a c-section.

There is no reason not to find out what the alcohol useage was and get a little more information about the PBMom but it does sound like a lot of risk factors, each of which could have devastating consequences on their own and, when taken together, the risk (from what you shared) sounds awfully high if you are hoping to adopt a healthy baby.

Tough decision!

Jen

[joskimo]

Casey,

I have no good advice (how unlike me!) but I want you to know that my thoughts are with you. It's not easy to consider not taking a baby after you've waited so long and I know you've had so many bumps along the way. You need to know though to never feel bad for what you can't do. I know there were several times when DH and I were filling out forms and had to indicate what we couldn't handle and please know that it's best to be honest with yourself then to push yourself in a direction that may not be best for you.

I also wanted to add that dd#2 was born exposed. Our agency hid bmom's past from us until after dd was born. We took her, we were committed. We were lucky that she wasn't addicted, had no withdrawl and after a lot of research I'm okay w/ the crack use. She also reports light alcohol use but who really knows. So far so good, but we just wait and see. The reading I've done says that early intervention on FASD makes a huge difference which I didn't know previously. We don't know if Hannah will have problems but her pediatrician is very optimistic. We're going to have her evaluated @ 6 months by the early intervention program but so far she's making all of her developmental milestones.

Good luck and best wishes -- J

[mmdd2b]

Hi Casey,
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I know you will know what is best or feels right for your family. I do hope that the PBmom/Pbaby get the best care that they need and the family that is meant for them as well.

Kristy

[Casey677]

Ok, for some reason, I haven't gotten an email saying that I had responces... I just found these!!!

Thank you all so very much for your advice, guidance, support..... all of it is very much appreciated. After lots of talking, we have decided to submit our profile to this situation. If the expectant mom chooses us, we will then be able to have our doctor look at her medical records before agreeing to be matched. I feel very comfortable with this plan. There is something in my head telling me to go for it, that we can handle this.

Now we wait.....

Casey