[mumofone]

A little background.

Last week, there was a story on our news about a mom who killed her son (4) and jumped from a hotel window killing herself. It was a real tragedy.

Yesterday I was at work when my boss brought up about the poor little boy, and I said how sad it was. She said, "you know, his mom was adopted". After that she went on to relate the very detailed situation as to why she was adopted. She said, "her biomom killed her father's mistress and, therefore she was adopted by another family". Well, I just about lost it with her right then and there. I almost felt like saying, "Yes, she was adopted, that must be the reason she did it". This woman is totally clueless. She never fails to bring up names of people who are adopted in her daily conversations. It isn't like I refer to her kids as "you know your bio child".........

She has a cousin, who really isn't her cousin because, you guessed it, he is adopted.

I had the chance to educate this woman and, yet, again I blew it. I knew if I said something, I would end up regretting it and would probably end up being fired as her and her husband own the company.

I was still steaming inside this afternoon and related the story to my supervisor. He couldn't believe her attitude either, but certainly isn't surprised by it.

We are extremely proud that we were blessed with our son through adoption, but now I am feeling like crap for not speaking up. I feel like I let my son down by not educating this woman.

Sorry, just had to get this thing off my chest.

[Leigh131313]

blah!! I wouldnt waste your thoughts on this......sometimes it is best to just stay quiet and not make the situation worse.

Leigh

[Deanna&Alex]

One of the smartest things you can do in life is know when to pick your battles. Seems to me your instinct has told you this is not a battle to fight. You are not letting your son down by avoiding this discussion with her. What's the old saying, " I'de be happy to get into a battle of whits with you but it would be unfair, you are unarmed"!

[jjdad]

Both Leigh and Deanna and Alex are right. Why bother wasting your breath on such narrow-mindedness and ignorance? You did not let your son down. My boss said to me at the time we were going through a horrible legal battle with our first son's adoption and I was about to invoke FMLA, well, it's not like it'll ever be your child, why are you doing this to me? And, my wife and I also had things said to us from the DFS Social workers like..."someday when they want to meet their real parents...." and "I'm sure you feel like they're your real children...." Yes, these are direct quotes from the "professionals" in the system. So, ignorance is everywhere, and if you let it eat at you, it'll only end up destroying you, and it is not worth it. Again, you did not let your son down. Blood may be thicker than water, but love, is thicker than anything. Keep that in your heart, and let the ignorance roll off you like water from a duck.

[Brat]

She probably walks away from these conversations thinking she's educating YOU, and thinks she's relating to you better by talking about an issue that is near and dear to your heart. To her, it is probably just making conversation.

These are all just my uneducated guesses, especially since I don't know this lady. But the next time you see her, what do you think about just expecting her to say something negative about adoption? Then, because you aren't caught off guard when she does, you can take a deep breath and approach her differently. Instead of trying to educate her, "innocently" ask her probing questions about what she has just said, as though she knows it all. If she's trying to bother you, perhaps it will show her that you're not going to clam up and get frustrated. If she's completely innocent in her comments, the tone of her responses may indicate that she's teachable, and you'll be calm enough after that deep breath to speak gently to her about the truths of adoption.

I love my daughter so much, and I take it very personally when people make comments about adoption, because I want her to live in a world where people understand her. But I'm realizing that I can completely eradicate adoptism as much as I can eradicate racism for her sake. That takes the pressure off so I can pick my battles--as the other posters mentioned--as well as think strategically when someone becomes an on-going problem that needs to be addressed for my own sanity.

Hang in there.

[Sleepydream]

Well, if you are able to ignore it that is great. Just be careful that you don't end up blowing your top one day over it after it is all built up. You don't want to come off like a biting sow if you snap one day over something relatively small (in comparison to her other comments) or unrelated to the adoption topic. She sounds just like my old boss. Thank god she is gone now. I went around singing "Ding! Dong! The WITCH is gone, the wicked witch is GONE!" for weeks after she finally quit.

[dadfor2]

" I'de be happy to get into a battle of whits with you but it would be unfair, you are unarmed"!


i love that...i have never heard it.

i agree with the others....and i am all for educating when we can...

but with this woman, id think id just let it go. she has perceptions and ideas, and i think she will fight for her right to believe to them....just from what you posted, this is the kind of person she is.

it doesnt sound like shes coming from a place where she it open to be educated....more out of her own stubborn ignorance.

sorry you had to hear that.....but i would let this go but prepare yourself for some more rude comments....