[Snorky]

Hi! Has anyone acknowledged their adopted child's birthmom on Mother's Day? We have a semi-open adoption. DD is 3.5 months old, we talk to her birthmom a few times a month via email, and have called her a couple of times so she can hear DD babbling. We did invite her to DD's baptism (6/12), but aren't sure if we should acknowledge Mother's Day. We're torn between keeping the connection and worrying about making her sad on Mother's Day. Opinions? Experiences (from either adoptive parents or birth parents)?

Thanks! Moira

[Leigh131313]

Hi there,

I'm not sure if you are aware or not, but Birthmothers day is the saturday before Mother's day.

Leigh

[sugarbabysmommy]

Yes, we acknowledged our child's birthmother on Mother's Day. I understand your being torn. We discussed this ahead of time actually and I'm very glad we did. Even if we hadn't I would have still acknowledged her. I would hate to hurt her by sending a card, but I would really hate to hurt her if she was aching to be acknowledged by me and wasn't. If you do send a card it opens the door to ask her after the fact if this is what she wants, if you don't send it how will you ask her later if you should have? BTW, the baptism sounds like a very special day. It could be a very hard day for her, so don't be suprised if she doesn't stay long or hangs back. It does bring up an interesting topic, how will she be introduced? You could ask her.

[momofmykids]

We've never done that, but have always wanted to. This mom did not voluntarily place her children with us, they were removed by DCS. She and I are very friendly and I send pictures, etc. Do any of you think I should do something for her, or because of the circumstance I shouldn't?

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Snorky

We're torn between keeping the connection and worrying about making her sad on Mother's Day. Opinions? Experiences (from either adoptive parents or birth parents)?

Thanks! Moira

She is going to be sad on Mother's Day no matter what you do. Doing something for her might actually brighten her day....

[3+TWINS+1MORE=6]

Our daughters birthmom is a mom to a 5 year old as well as our dd. Last year I sent her a card while she was carring our dd. I was shocked when she sent me one! I have 7 other kids, so I am a mommy too.

No matter what remember, SHE IS A MOTHER. Just because she chose to place her baby, doesn't change the fact that she gave birth and the child will always come from her.

I think a card is a great idea. They have several different sayings or just find a nice blank card and write what you want.

Best of luck in your decision.

Kimberly

[Kitti]

Sending a card or flowers or something would be a wonderful idea. I know I would have been thrilled to recieve something from my daughters aparents. It would have made me feel less forgotten and like I was more than just the vessel to bring their beautiful daughter into the world. Sometimes as a birthmother it is hard to feel like you matter in the big picture. I think she will be more sad if she does not hear from you and all around her she sees other people in their celebration of mothers/motherhood. After all, you are two women that love the same child. Rejoice and enjoy the day that is ment for both of you!
Kitti

[gabsdot]

We adopted our son from Russia so we have very little info about his birth mother and are not in touch at all. On Mother's day we wanted to honour her so I made a card and bought flowers and displayed them along with my card and flowers. In church that day they passed out flowers to all the mothers and I asked for 2, one for me and one for his Birth mother.

[icunurse]

Last year, we sent flowers from DS and a card from all of us with a special picture of DS inside for Birthmother's Day. I think DS's bmom is going to hurt no matter what, so at least she can know that we're thinking of her and recognizing her. She called us a few days after and said that she loved having the flowers just from DS and having "her day". This year, I'm hoping to take DS for a professional picture, using the gifts she has given him (a blanket, two stuffed animals, outfit) as props. And, of course, DS will send flowers (he's thoughtful that way )

[wanttobeparents]

Last year, her 1st Mother's day, we sent flowers (from Michael). About a week before, we had professional pictures made with her and Michael. They are gorgeous! We called even though she wasn't there, wished her a happy Mother's day on the machine.

This year, I'm hoping to get pictures made again. I've also got Michael's first shoes that I'm having bronzed, one for his birthmom and one for his birthdad.

She is a mother and will always be a mother. She will also be sad on Mother's day no matter what. Maybe remembering her will help in some way.

Peggy

[Sylvester]

I usually don't send a mother's day card to our girls birthmoms. I send them a card that lets them know we are thinking of them and I will enclose some pictures or art work that the girls have done.

[Jenn4615]

Hi guys
I have a link...and I don't think I can post it, but they sell birthmothers day cards...if anyone would like the link...PM me. I plan on sending one of these cards to M from Taylor.
Jenn

[amomsomeday]

I think you should send a card, if anything, to thank her for your child.

Just make it short, sweet and sincere!

[michnc]

I always send our birthmom (through traditional surrogacy) a Mother's Day card with some words of our appreciation for her. It is a day to honor ALL moms and I can't think of a mother I'd rather thank and honor (other than my own!) then our daughter's birthmother and to take the opportunity to thank her again for allowing me to also be able to celebrate Mother's day! I think it's a very nice and thoughtful gesture and I'm sure would be appreciated.

[Guspiv]

Our son's birthmother has another child so it is a little easier to send her something for mother's day. However, I was wondering if I should address it from Gavin?