[Cpalmer32]

My husband and I are considering adopting, but I am concerned about the way children feel about themselves having been adopted. I am referring to comments by children who are welcomed into warm and loving homes stating that they feel as though they need therapy and are different because they were adopted and need to search for their birth parents. I just don't understand why any child would feel this way?

Has anyone been through the adoption process and has adult or teenage children? Were you able to bond with your child? What has your experience been like with your children? Have they reacted poorly to you because you are not their biological child?

[BrandyHagz]

Every child and every adoptive home is different.

There are several adoptees on this forum alone who never dealt with issues surrounding their adoption, and in fact, bonded very will with their adoptive parents and grew up feeling like they belonged and were connected to their adoptive parents. One of those members, dl, has a thread located somewhere on the forums where she discusses this in detail.

You mentioned searching, are you contemplating a closed adoption?

Keep in mind, generally, the most outspoken are those who’ve had bad experiences (this is true in any type of situation)…those who’ve grown up happy, healthy and bonded don’t generally speak out…mostly because there just isn’t anything to speak about as far as they are concerned!

Raising an adoptee is different than raising a biological child…adoption will always be a dynamic of their life…it may not play a large roll, but it will always be there. There will be things that you will have to deal with, namely the questions, which you won’t have with a biological child.

[aMarylandfamily]

All children, whether bio or adopted, go through phases of development (emotional and physical) where they aren't sure how they fit into their world ... times where they really hate their parents for rules, expectations, etc. (especially between ages 11-15) and other times when they attach like velcro ... so there is no easy answer to your question.

I agree with Brandy above - each child attaches differently - some immediately, some when they are ready and some not at all ... jealousy is often an issue that adoptive parents have to be on top of with other children in the home - again either bio or foster or adoption placements.

When adopting you have to have the courage to love and that courage takes the commitment to love a child through the good, the bad and the ugly and to know when to reign them in too tightly and when to let them go but most of all when to get additional help (therapy, etc.).

Hope this helps!