[michnc]

Which states currently are the most "adoption friendly" in terms of their laws and shorter periods of time that ** can rescind her relinquishment of parental rights? Still Florida and Texas? Where else? Thanks for the input!! Also...any agency recommendations in those states would be wonderful!!!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

First of all.... the two letters that you used to describe birthmoms are offensive on this board due to the fact that they also elude to a certain bathroom movement...that is why they were starred out.


Second....what you described is NOT adoption friendly...i wouldnt even call it adoptive parent friendly....

May I ask ... are you looking to adopt in a situation where the parents are sure they want to place... or a situation where you are surest to get a baby regardless....??

Something to thing about when askng these types of questions...

[michnc]

I apologize if the letters I used were insulting. I have seen them used many times before as an abbreviation on other boards and certainly in no way was I trying to be offensive. Point well taken. Thank you for pointing that out to me.

As for the second comment...the revocation time frame is a very important issue for potential adoptive parents. I would ask any parent whose Birthmother changed her mind after the child was in their care if this was an important issue to them. For any parent, particularly one who comes to adoption after possibly years of losses, grief, etc. from infertility, the idea of losing that child is unimaginable and it would seem prudent for adoptive parents to know exactly what the risks are in any given state. I know personally, I would not be willing to adopt from a state in which there is a substantial risk that I could lose that child after leaving the hospital. That is just my personal preference and to me, that would be a less "adoption friendly" state for an adoptive parent.

Thank you for your input.

[ellemeth]

From what I understand, having placed my third daughter accross state lines, you don't always have to go by the laws of the state the baby was born in. Sometimes you can go by the laws of the state the a-parents live in. I delivered in PA but the a-parents of my third were in MA and the lawyers offered me a choice of law.

I think adoption freindly means different things to different people. I picked MA as more adoption friendly from my point of view because even though once I signed the papers at 72 hours after delivery, that was it for my rights but MA is one of the few states that allows court enforceable open adoption agreements. To me, even though my rights were gone sooner, that enforceable agreement was very important after being burned by the aparents in the first placement I made. In PA, I would have had longer to revoke my consent but after that period, the aparents could have closed the adoption and I wouldn't have had any legal resource.

The lawyer I worked with said it is becoming more and more common for pbparents to insist on placing in states that allow court enforcable contact agreements even if it means less time for them to revoke their consent. I wouldn't have placed the second time if I couldn't have had that agreement.

just another thing for you to consider while you looking for "adoption friendly" states...

[Missourimomtobe]

Michnc, I know exactly what you're asking and I don't find it offensive at all. Don't worry about the abbreviations, those get blocked out anyway.

Illinois has a mandatory 72 hours before a bio mom can consent, but then it is irrevocable unless bio mom can prove duress, coercian, etc; bio fathers must register on the putative father's registry within 30 days of the birth or rights are terminated.

Missouri has a 48 hour period before consent ... Kansas has 12 hours. Both are irrevocable except as noted above for Illinois.

There are other states that are equally adoption-friendly from a prospective parent POV. Check on this site, actually, for state laws ... there is a great section on here that clearly explains each state's laws on relinquishment, TPR, etc.

Peace,

[alwaysus]

NC has a 7 day revoke period. Mom can sign 24 hours after baby is born.
Hope this helps and good luck....

[sugarbabysmommy]

I understand your wanting an adoption that is no legal risk or "less" legal risk, then you should seek an agency that operates that way and only places children who's parents have already relinquished. I highly recommend James Gritters book, In the Spirit of Open Adoption, (even if you are not planning on an open adoption) it contains some very good advice to hopeful adoptive parents about the wait. You may not feel capable of taking any more risk, but you may surprised yourself. Afterall, parenthood and loving is full of risk.

[sugarbabysmommy]

BTW, knowing the specific revocation periods ahead of time is informative but they only matter once the papers are singed, and it doesn't matter if the state says they can be signed in 24 hrs, or 72 hrs. afterbirth- that is the earliest they can be signed. We waited 7 weeks, all the while parenting our child, and once singed our child's birthmother chose to waive the 30 day revocation period.

[kllee4]

While I totally can empathize with you on trying to avoid as much hurt, pain and loss in the process of adopting, I think that it is also important to understand it from a pbmom/dad's point of view. I don't think that there is any comparison to the pain of the loss that they experience.

I was also going to point out what Sugarbabysmommy pointed out, even though she beat me to it: the fact that those timelines for signing are only the minimum but that moms can take all the time they need. As a potential adoptive parent, I would want her/them to take all the time they needed to ensure that the decision to place was one that they were totally in agreement about. How awful to have the child of your dreams in your arms knowing that the mom/dad may not have had all the time they needed and weren't fully OK with their decision. That would certainly eat at me forever. We all take risks on this journey, but doing what is in the best interests of all involved is probably the best practice. This may not be welcome but it's just my honest opinion. Sorry if this offends anyone. I do understand what you're going through, though.

[Guspiv]

If you use an agency in NJ and everyone signs in NJ birthmom can sign no sooner than 72 hours after birth and her decision is irrevocable. Even though she can sign at 72 she doesnt have to but once she does the decision can not be revoked unless their is evidence of force, foul play etc.